Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The O stands for obsession

This blog post is dedicated to Jackie and Janet. Thanks for all you do.

It happened again last week.
I was at work, sitting at my desk in my office. A person came into the main office to speak with the ad person about an ad. She wrote down what she wanted the ad to say, paid for it, and then left.
Less than a minute later she came back into the office and asked to check what she had just written. It must have been fine because she didn’t change anything.
“Sorry about that,” she said on her way out. “I am so OCD.”

Did you hear me scream in frustration? OK, not really. But I was definitely frustrated.
I get frustrated when I hear those words: “I am so OCD.” Frustrated with people who equate being conscientious, double-checking, with OCD. Frustrated when people—who mean no harm, I believe—say they are “so OCD” because they keep all their Virginia Tech clothes in one drawer. Or because they like to keep their desk organized.
Maybe these people have OCD. I’m not a doctor. But I am someone who has OCD. And I’m going to quote the title of a post by my friend Jackie Lea Sommers, who also has OCD: “If it doesn’t hurt, it’s not OCD.”

Recently, the writings of two good blogging friends have touched me. Jackie wrote another great post called “The Dreadful O of OCD” this past Sunday. And Janet, whose son has OCD and who writes the blog ocdtalk, wrote an insightful post last month called “Where are the Obsessions?

Jackie and Janet write about how everyone sees the compulsions of OCD, but they don’t see the pain caused by the obsessions that drive the compulsions. That can lead to misunderstandings about what OCD really is.

If you look closely, you can see my red hands in this photo from 1990.

For example, I used to wash my hands compulsively. My hands and wrists were bright red and raw looking. My family and friends witnessed me washing my hands, soaping them over and over, rinsing and rinsing.
What they couldn’t see was what was driving me to wash my hands: the obsession that I would hurt someone else. I was so afraid that I would have germs on my hands and pass those germs on to someone else that might get sick and might die. I had to wash my hands. I had to be sure they were clean because if I didn’t, I would be a murderer.
Can you imagine thinking like that? Doesn’t it sound illogical? Like I was putting too much responsibility onto myself? That I was worrying needlessly?
Yes. But I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop obsessing that I was going to hurt someone. The only way I could get any relief from the feelings of guilt of what might happen—relief from the obsession—was to wash. And wash.

OCD is not cute or funny. It’s not a little habit that can be easily changed. It’s not synonymous with being organized. It’s a mental illness that manifests itself in different ways. It hurts.

I don’t want pity because I have OCD. I am so much better now. I live such a free life compared to the way I used to live. I have OCD, but OCD doesn’t lead the way anymore. I thank God for that.

And I don’t want to sound preachy or judgmental.

I just want to join Jackie and Janet and others who are speaking out and helping friends and strangers learn a little bit more about a disorder that may affect someone they love. I just want people who have OCD to be encouraged that they can get better, too.


26 comments:

  1. I can see why it bothers you when someone says "I am so OCD", Tina. Even though I don't have OCD, it sounds like a derogatory statement. Why not just say "I can be forgetful sometimes, so I just wanted to make certain I got everything down." Period. :)

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  2. i can only go on what i have dealt with in the past - when you know better you do better type of thing. so many folks have questions & don't know how to go about asking? i was a kid who was hushed a lot when i was curious about something. i know my parents meant well. but when you don't understand something that is going on in front of you - you are curious & wish to know more. so i thank you for your open-ness & the way you share your daily going-on's. i guess for me i wonder why we as a public are so shy about things? i think we all have differences & that is totally cool & it is ok. i can only think that maybe some were taught that it is was bad to be OCD. sort of like when you were young & some one said you had the cooties. i think it is something you have grown to deal with & that is so ok. you have to do what is best for you & i hope that by sharing it helps so many other who deal with similar times or moments. ( :

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  3. You are right, Tina. But I don't think anyone is intentionally being mean or inconsiderate. Most people have no understanding of what OCD really is, and how painful it is to people living with it. Education is what we all need. The more we know, the more sensitive we become, and the less likely we are to make statements like "I am so OCD".

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  4. I guess you never really know. Maybe she does have OCD and was using some self-deprecating humor in her embarrassment. Hard to know for sure. At any rate, I am certainly glad that you are in a better place than you were in the past!

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  5. Yes I have always been taken a little aback at how people nonchalantly throw around that phrase all the time. I genuinely believe they mean no harm, but I wish they would be a little more cognizant. I think part of that though is a lack of education on their part.

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  6. i thought the same as lisa - perhaps she really is OCD and was trying to downplay her need to re-check herself. but we often throw out labels of all kinds that may hurt others without thinking.

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  7. this is so well written tina!! one never knows, till one walks a mile in someone elses moccasins!!

    i have ms, you would not believe the comments i hear. "oh, montel has ms, he's fine"..."is that a "real" disease", "you look great, are you sure you have it". "i have a friend who has that and you would never know"!!

    the list is endless, i always smile and say "aren't they lucky"!!

    i am a nurse, i know that being neat, being clean,being organized does not = OCD...it's so much more then that. so happy for you tina, that you are feeling better!!

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  8. Well stated, Tina -- and an important thing to state. You remind us all to be careful how we phrase things because we may inadvertently hurt or be insensitive. And I also appreciate your sharing more about the mechanics of OCD and living with it. I have a nephew who is OCD (and Tourettes and ACHD) and as a kid his life was hell. With changes in symptoms as he's grown (and meds) and learning coping strategies, you wouldn't know if you didn't know. But Joe knows. So do you. Thank you.

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  9. This is a very informative post. Yes, people will always make inconsiderate comments on OCD. You could do a post on movies that misuse OCD. I'm guessing that you washed so that you wouldn't take contamination to other areas.

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  10. Great post, friend. Proud to stand with you in the fight!

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  11. good information for those of us who don't know and I am sorry that her words upset and hurt you-

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  12. Tina I can imagine it must have really been hurtful and I'm very sorry for that.

    I'm just a bit puzzled. I'm Dutch, so maybe I miss something in the English, but why do people say "I AM so OCD", or "he IS so OCD"? Aren't you supposed to say "I HAVE OCD"?

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    1. It is an incorrect way of saying it. If you were to say the whole thing out, it would sound wrong (because it is wrong): I'm so obsessive compulsive disorder.

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    2. I thought so, thanks Kristina!

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  13. Thanks for continuing to educate and inform...you're right, people mean no harm, but when we know better, we do better.

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  14. It is amazing how we throw words around. I have heard so many people say they have OCD and quite simply, the don't.

    A well written post.

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  15. Thank you for writing this post Tina. Many hugs! I'm so glad you're in a better place than in years past. It must have been hard to hear this person say those words so casually. I wish people would think before they speak more often...

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  16. A very insightful, educational post, Tina. Sometimes we all say things or blurt out cliches without really thinking of their impact. Hope this message helps someone out there! Glad you are doing better, too.

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  17. This post of yours, and the situation that brought it on, reminds me of a post I wrote about PTSD - someone saying lightheartedly that they had PTSD when it comes to going to the dentist. And while I'm sure that she and the person you mentioned above meant no harm, for those of us living with a mental illness, it can be incredibly hurtful. Our experiences with it do not equate to those who use the term lightly.

    I'm glad that you're able to write about it in this way though, to let folks know the reality of it.

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  18. A good reminder for all of us to think before we speak... xo

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  19. Amazing post, Tina, and I'm honored to be included in it.......I do believe we are chiseling away at the ignorance and misunderstanding surrounding OCD by continuing to write posts such as this. Great job!

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  20. You are so brave to reveal your past and your journey now. Thank you for your insights and how unnecessary remarks can become hurtful, makes me more mindful of my words!!

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  21. Yep it does hurt. It's so hard to be real with people how much it hurts, even if they already know you have OCD.

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  22. oh tina, hugs to you...yes, that phrase is tossed around loosely now...i hear people say it a lot

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  23. What a Brilliant Post!
    Giving the proper respect to a situation, instead of being dismissive - like a cute little joke . . .

    This is super important . . . Giving Proper Respect and Attention - to this, and other matters - will Improve the Lives of many - and Lift Humanity to the new Dimension of Hope, Comfort and Inspired Living . . . . Thank you, Tina - for Standing Up for others - for teaching us All . . you are a Brave and Genuine Human Being!

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