The changing of the seasons, a time to change

Happy Autumn! I am so happy it’s officially the fall of the year. I love the chill in the air in the morning and in the evening, and the reduced humidity.

My husband and I went out into the yard today with our cameras, looking for signs of fall. We still have a lot of green, but there are signs that the foliage will turn soon.

And here’s a wee acorn sprouting up on an oak tree branch.

Soon enough the acorns will be raining down, providing a vast supply for our neighborhood squirrels. And sometimes leaving little dents in my car.

I feel like fall is a new beginning. Maybe it’s because I went to school for so many years, but with the fall of the year, I get a yearning to start anew, to try new things, to get organized.

Lately, I’ve been finding pieces of wisdom about using our time wisely on the Internet and elsewhere. I haven’t been purposely looking for it as much as it just seems to have shown up.

I’ve been reminded about the preciousness of time, of how we’re all given the same amount of time, how we can easily make the excuse that we don’t have time to do something that is important.

On Sunday, I went to the store and bought some lavender legal pads and purple ink pens to use for creating lists and plans to help me achieve some things I want to achieve.

Why the special paper and pens? Well, I love office and school supplies. And I wanted something pretty and special to use for something so important.

I’m starting out with lists of what I want to accomplish, from the big, life-changing things to the small ones. I’m going to gradually break things down into doable goals that will help me plan each week as it comes.

I’m not starting from scratch. I’ve done this before on the job, when I worked as a health educator. At my current job, I keep a list, or budget, of the stories I need to follow in the future, then transfer those items to weekly lists.

I know what my priorities are. I know many of the things I want to accomplish.

It’s time I applied a more organized approach to the rest of my life.

Again, I’m not starting from scratch.

But I do have a new sense of urgency to not let time slip by any longer without me using it the best I can.

I won’t be giving up on spontaneity, and I won’t panic if I don’t follow to the letter everything I write down.

But my tendency is to procrastinate. My tendency is to think instead of act. My tendency is to push things aside for later. My tendency is to drift along, with no plan.

Some of this comes from having OCD. OCD used to rule my life so much, tell me what I had to do when, that I rebelled against routine.

Some of this comes from having depression. When you’re depressed, it’s hard to see the point in planning. It’s sometimes hard to have the energy or desire to do anything beyond the basics.

But I need more routine. I need a plan. I need accomplishments.

As the leaves change, as the weather changes, so I need to change. As the leaves drop off the trees, letting go for the winter, so I need to let go of certain habits.

I’ll share more as I move forward in this journey.

How do you ensure that you get the important things done?

OCD and fear of change

My blogging friend Keith recently wrote a great post about change called “If you do what you’ve always done . . .” on his blog Musings of an Unapologetic Dreamer.

In the post, he ponders the quote, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

This resonated with me because I want to make some positive changes in my life, and my tendency is to think about them and wait for them to happen to me.

As Keith says in his blog post, “if you want something different, you need to do something different.”

I want to do something different. I want to start my own business. I want to start a freelance editing business.

Just telling you that is kind of scary. But the real fear has come as I’ve gotten deeper into planning.

Many people have fears when they consider starting a business. They worry about being able to get clients or customers. They worry about being able to make money. They wonder if they have what it takes to be successful.

My biggest fears are connected to my OCD.

I have OCD about reading and writing. When the reading OCD is active, I have a hard time reading a passage without compulsively rereading it. When the writing OCD is active, I may write and rewrite, worrying about whether the correct meaning is being conveyed with my words.

Would having OCD make it impossible for me to be a successful freelance editor? Would I get so bogged down with OCD that I wouldn’t be able to perform the job?

I could physically feel the fear Sunday afternoon as I read about starting a business. My heartbeat quickened. I felt nauseated. I felt a sense of foreboding.

But I also recognized what was happening. I thought about all the times I’ve been excited about making a change, then let fear stop me. I thought about how I want my life to be different, a life lived according to my priorities and values.

I thought about how I want to do something different.

I have OCD. And I have generalized anxiety disorder and depression. But I’m also being treated for them. I’ve learned ways to manage them. I’m so much better than I used to be, and I have every hope that improvement will continue.

The fears I’m feeling are understandable. They are not an excuse to stop my plans.

I didn’t intend to write a post about freelancing yet. But I decided to tell you what I was planning and what I feared. Being open with you about my fears helps me push them back. It makes it easier for me to take the next step in putting together a business.

So more news to come. Stay tuned!

When have you had to push past fear to accomplish something important to you? How did you do it?

Making plans when you have depression and OCD

Thursday morning I recognized two things: I need to make a plan, and I’m not a very good planner when it comes to my personal life.

I had this mini-epiphany as I was getting ready to go to work—at 11 a.m. I had spent most of the morning in bed, not sleeping as much as just lying there trying to figure out what to do with my day.

It was the last day of my pay week. I had already worked 31.5 hours. I’m working a new 32-hours-a-week schedule.

But I had a court hearing to cover at 3 p.m. And I needed to try to set up an interview for a story I’m working on.

Because of this combination, I couldn’t decide when to go into work, how many hours to work, and how to spend my time before work.

Having a plan would have helped.

Over the years, I’ve developed certain habits as I’ve dealt with OCD and depression. Some of those habits influence how I plan my time.

OCD is very restrictive. It tries to dictate how you do things and when you do things.

When I started getting treatment for OCD, I was glad to begin to be free from many of the restrictions. I started to avoid adhering to a strict schedule when I didn’t absolutely have to. Too much of a schedule can feel like OCD.

Also, I made many plans over the years that got interrupted by OCD rituals like checking. I disappointed myself and others many times by being late for something or not finishing something because I was taken up in an OCD storm.

Unfortunately, I translated that into the habit of not making plans so I wouldn’t disappoint myself or anyone else.

Having depression also influences me. When I’m in a depression slump, planning a day seems to be useless when there’s nothing I want to do. Planning for the future is too difficult when I can’t look forward to anything.

OCD and depression have influenced me, but I know that I can’t stop there.

I’m responsible for how I spend my time, and I’m responsible for my habits. I’ll have to rise above the influences of OCD and depression.

Having a plan for how many hours I’ll work a day and for the time I’m not at work will help me get out of some of those bad habits I’ve developed.

Here’s what I will do:

*Figure out a schedule a week at a time.

*Use my calendar of work tasks to figure out how many hours a day I’ll need to work.

*Make a list of things I want to accomplish each day.

*Include in my lists chores and errands I need to take care of.

*Block off times to do the things that I value the most.

*Develop the habit of getting up early every day.

How much of a planner are you? Do you plan out your day, week, or month? Do you have any suggestions for those who have trouble coming up with a plan?