Where I work, what I do

I started a new job on May 1, and I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to tell you how that’s going. So I thought I’d use today’s post to catch you up.

I am a public information specialist for a local government, Campbell County. I am the assistant to our public information officer. I work in Rustburg, the county seat, in the Haberer Building.

The building I work in.

I am enjoying my job and am happy for the transition from the newspaper job to what I’m doing now.

I do a lot of different things, but here are a few:

·         Update the county website

·         Update the employee portal (intranet)

·         Make graphics for the website and portal

·         Write public service announcements and media advisories and send them to local media

·         Interact with local media and find information for them

·         Help in responding to Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests

·         I do a lot of editing

·         Take photos at county functions

·         Help with making presentations, crafting messages

·         Update the Public Safety Facebook and Twitter accounts

·         Lead the Web Content Authors group (those in other departments who update their pages on the website)

We are in the midst of transferring to another web platform for the county website. It will be so much better than what we have now. Right now, some people in other departments update their pages on the website. Once the changeover occurs, I will be doing the bulk of web updates.

I do a lot of writing, communicating, and creating with this job, and there is a lot of variety to each day. So I am enjoying it.

A view of some of the Campbell County buildings in the government complex.

I’m in the county administration office with my supervisor, the county administrator and his assistant, the clerk of the Board of Supervisors, the staff attorney, and the director and the assistant director of Public Works and their assistant. It’s a good group of hard-working and dedicated public servants.

I don’t miss the newspaper at all. I’m working full time where I am now, but the hours are regular and I rarely have to work nights or weekends. I work 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., so I’m home by 5:30 most evenings, which is hugely important to me. I don’t feel like I have to constantly be tuned into what’s going on around me in case there’s a story I need to cover. That is so good for my anxiety.

I feel very fortunate to have such a wonderful supervisor and to be doing work that I enjoy.

Friends, what has been your favorite job? Or do you think it’s still in your future?

Catching up

Abbey

Hello, dear readers. I’m feeling a bit out of breath and overwhelmed right now with all the changes going on, but I wanted to catch you up on those changes.

The big change is my new job. Friday was my first day. It was nice to start getting settled in. I didn’t have a lot to do because my supervisor is out of town until mid-week due to a family illness. But I enjoyed connecting with my new co-workers, many of whom I already know.

I think I’m going to enjoy the work and my work environment. I just don’t know enough to feel useful at this point, and I tend to get bored if I’m not busy. So I am trying to keep boredom at bay and use my down time to learn more about working for the county and the issues that I could be talking about with the media and with the public.

Tuesday night is the annual public hearing before the Board of Supervisors on the next fiscal year’s budget, and we’re expecting a large crowd. There will be no tax increase this year, but the schools are also not receiving all the funding they asked for. So the schools will have to make some cuts that not everyone is happy with.

More people seem to be involved now in speaking out about the direction they want the county to go in.

I’ll be at the meeting Tuesday, though instead of covering it for the newspaper, I’ll be helping to get people signed up to speak, and I’ll be listening to people’s concerns.

My supervisor returns to the office on Wednesday, and that’s when I’ll begin to learn the meat and potatoes of my job. I’m looking forward to that, because I like to stay busy, and boredom can easily lead to depression for me.

The other big change is our new family member, Abbey. She is so funny and sweet. We have given her and Chase Bird some face-to-face time. Chase seems to prefer to ignore her, though he has hissed at her a couple of times. But overall, though they are obviously wary, I think they will get along.

Abbey makes the cutest mewing sounds. Whether she’s greeting you or playing or asking for food or attention, it’s kind of a trill with rolled “Rs” mixed with “mew.” I need to record the sound for you.

I love taking care of my kitties. I get so much satisfaction out of making sure they’re fed and getting playtime and cuddle time. And a content, purring kitty is the antidote to just about any stress!

Take care until next time!

A time of anxiety

Chase Bird relaxing in the sun on the enclosed porch.

My anxiety is high, and I can’t seem to relax. That’s what I’ve been like for a while. I finally settled things with the job hunt, but I’m still in a time of change, and that raises my anxiety.

My last day with the newspaper is this Friday. Then I have nearly two weeks off before starting my new job.

It’s a busy time this week at the paper. I’m covering the first workshop the county supervisors have after receiving the proposed budget for the next fiscal year. That’s always a tough story to write, full of numbers and proposed changes and different opinions from the supervisors about how to fund the county. That’s Tuesday.

Then on Wednesday, a first-degree murder trial is scheduled, and I’ll be covering that.

And all week, I’ll be trying to put things in order for my editor and the other staff writer. The corporate office of the company that owns our newspaper has decided that my position is not going to be filled. So all of my work is being passed on to my editor and my co-staff writer. I’m doing the best I can to help them with contact information, a calendar of upcoming court trials, and background information to aid in the transition.

I know that I shouldn’t, but I’ve been feeling guilty about leaving my co-workers in that position, with all that work.

I’m not very happy with myself for letting the anxiety get to me like it has. I know so many ways to deal with anxiety. I guess knowing something intellectually is not the same as being able to put it into practice.

I did have a bit of a breakthrough Sunday. I used my phone to join a Facebook gathering to listen to classical music. At first, it was difficult for me to just sit and listen. I wanted to be busy doing something else at the same time.

But I recognized that I needed to just sit and listen, no matter how uncomfortable I felt. I finally relaxed a little and enjoyed the music.

I’m going to have to put effort into having more moments like that this week. Isn’t that strange—to have to put effort into relaxing? I think the idea of effort is really being willing to make myself uncomfortable for a bit, like I did Sunday. Making the choice to stop for just a few minutes.

I will be back on the blog next Monday, April 20. To all my friends who have blogs, I am so sorry that I haven’t visited much lately. I appreciate you staying in touch with me. 

Choices: A good thing

This is a view of the main road through Rustburg in December 2013, before the start of the Christmas Parade.

How quickly things can change! I told you on Monday that I had accepted a job with the town of Altavista. Things changed later that day.

I received a phone call about the job I had applied for and interviewed for with Campbell County. I was offered the job, and I accepted without hesitation. I will begin the job as public information specialist on May 1. I will be working in the county seat, Rustburg, which is about 20-25 minutes from my house.

Though I was glad to have gotten the job with the town, I had been having some “gut” feelings that I may not be going in the right direction.

I was afraid that I would receive an offer from the county. To me, it would just complicate things because I would have to make a choice.

Now I realize that having the choice was a good thing.

I realized that I would regret turning down the county job. And the job description? Well, it’s like it was written with someone like me in mind. It includes a lot of my favorite things to do: writing, designing brochures, updating websites, helping others with content management, providing information to the public about county issues, etc.

And I know many of the people I will be working with because I’ve covered county government for the newspaper for five and a half years. They’re good people that I have a lot of respect for.

I knew when I said yes to the job that it was the right decision. Even though I don’t start the job for another month, I am looking forward to it!

It is a full time job. But I won’t be writing nearly as much as I do now on the job, and I am determined to carve out time for my own writing. Lots of writers have to do that.

I have not applied for any other jobs. I am satisfied with what I’ve done and am looking forward to the future. My last day with the newspaper will now be April 17. I am taking a couple of weeks off to decompress.

Thank you all for your support through this very anxious time of looking for another job and another challenge. You have helped me get through this.

Now I really do feel like I can let go of the anxiety and just be for a while.

Finally

A photo of Broad Street in Altavista. I think I took this on a Sunday a couple of years ago. I was standing at the library looking down the street. English Park is in the distance, as is the Staunton River. To get to Town Hall, where I'll be working, you would turn left at that first traffic light in the photo.

I can finally share some news with you.

On Jan. 6, I applied for a job with the town of Altavista. It’s a part-time position as an economic development assistant that includes coordinating the Main Street Program.

Last Wednesday, I finally got a formal offer.

I will coordinate a nonprofit group that carries out the concepts of the VirginiaMain Street Program. I will also assist the town’s economic developer in meeting the needs of existing businesses and helping to bring new businesses in. The economic developer wants me to work specifically with younger, creative entrepreneurs.

I’m excited and nervous. I am looking forward to a new challenge, learning new things, getting training, and being in a position to serve and encourage others.

I will work fewer hours and far more regular hours than my current job with the paper, but I will make significantly more in salary.

So why am I nervous? Change is unsettling to all of us, and it tends to raise my anxiety level. I also have the new-job-worries: Will I be able to learn? Will I do a good job?

I’ve always managed in the past, and when I remember that, I have more confidence in my ability to do another job.

Another worry has been that I’m leaving a job where I (finally) was able to write for a living.

What I found was that while my writing improved and I learned to write faster, I wasn’t always writing what I wanted to—that just wasn’t my job. And writing all day/all week took a certain kind of energy out of me.

I am not leaving my writing behind. I am a writer at heart. I hope to actually start writing more of what speaks to me and I’m passionate about. And the new job will afford me the opportunity to use some of my other skills.

My last day with the paper will be April 8 and my first day on the new job will be April 13. It will be a busy time at the paper, trying to finish things up and leave information behind that will help my co-workers.

I wish I could say my worrying of the last three months is over. But I complicated things by applying for another job while I was waiting to hear about the town job. I’ve had two interviews and am waiting to hear about it. So I may be faced with another decision soon.

To choose between two good job opportunities is not easy for me. In true OCD fashion, I tend to want to find the “perfect” answer, make the “right” choice. Of course, we never know at the time of making a decision whether or not it is the right choice. And there is no perfect answer.

For now, I’m going to enjoy what I do have: an upcoming new job and a new adventure.

The news and the no-news

Slower than molasses in winter. That’s what I’ve spent the last two months thinking.

What’s moving so slow? The job search process. Or rather, the hiring process.

On Monday when I posted, I believed that I would have news to tell you about a new job. I don’t. So here’s the news about my job search and the way I keep getting—no news.

I applied for a job in early January. I can’t give any details about the job yet. But I can say that I believe I would enjoy the work. Compared to my current job, I would work fewer hours but make significantly more in salary.

That sounds too good to be true. But it is a legit job. It would be a way to be a public servant again, something I’ve missed.

It has been a laborious process. I interviewed. Then I interviewed again. Then I met with two more people as a courtesy. Then I waited while an unexpected crisis hit the employer. I was praised for the patience I had shown.

Then, finally, with only one more step—a step that was more courteous in nature for another group than anything else—I was told that I would receive a formal offer Wednesday.

The courteous step turned into a quagmire. Now I’ve got two more weeks to wait.

Why am I willing to go through all this? Believe me, I’ve asked myself that question. I’ve been very frustrated. I’ve made plans, then had to undo plans. As most hiring processes go, it’s ridiculous.

But I am excited about the job. I want a new challenge. I can use more of my skills. I know the people I would be working for and with. I believe it would be a good fit.

I enjoy my job now. But one side effect of writing news articles for a living is that it’s harder for me to have the right kind of energy for doing the writing I love.

And I’ve been told—and I believe—that the slower-than-molasses-in-winter process isn’t about me. It’s about things out of my control.

And there lies my frustration. I can’t do anything about the process. I can’t hurry it up.

Situations like this raise my anxiety level. I’m tired. I have headaches. I’m restless. My thoughts race.

I haven’t done a good job handling the anxiety. I’ve been putting off dealing with it, telling myself that I would relax and do fun things after things are settled.

That’s not the best way to handle anxiety, and I know that. I am now trying to focus on the present. I remind myself that there will never really be a time when, in every area of my life, “things are settled” because each day brings us problems and frustrations. If I don’t practice my anxiety-reducing measures now, I will miss out on life now.

Meditation. Knitting. Pleasure reading. Lounging with Chase Bird. Laughing with Larry. Going for walks. All things I will be fitting back into my schedule.

And when this part of my life settles down, I will tell you all about the new job.

Have you ever had a strange or particularly stressful experience job hunting?

Checking in

Hello, friends. I hope wherever you are, you are safe and warm. This wild winter weather in the U.S. is wreaking a lot of havoc. It has been very cold in my part of Virginia, and it’s supposed to start snowing later today.

Saturday night, Larry and I went out to eat for Valentine’s Day. When we drove to the restaurant, the wind was blowing fiercely. Soon after we sat down in the restaurant, we saw through the window that it had started to snow, and the wind whipped it through the air. The snow soon ended, but the roads were left slick with black ice in some areas. I’m glad Larry was driving!

I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately to visit you. It has been a nerve-racking few weeks, but I hope things will settle down soon, and I can give you more details.

I have some decisions to make. I told you last month that I was waiting to hear about a job I applied for. I may have an announcement soon about that. Things are moving slowly, and I will be so happy to make a decision and feel more settled.

Take care of yourselves, and I plan to be back here on Thursday!

Waiting and anxiety

I haven’t been very active in the blogging world lately, and I apologize for that. I miss you!

I thought I was on the road to recovery, but the cough and other symptoms came back with a vengeance. I just haven’t felt very good.

But life goes on, doesn’t it?

I am waiting to hear some news that would create a change in my life.

I applied for a job that would actually be for less hours than I work now, and would still allow me time for my editing business. And the new job would pay significantly more.

I had my interview Wednesday (thank goodness I didn’t have a coughing fit at the same time). And now I’m waiting.

And I’m not good at waiting.

It’s all wrapped up with OCD and my craving for certainty. I want to know right now that everything is going to work out, that everyone is going to be OK, that the change I want to happen is going to happen.

But that’s not how life works, is it?

I’ve been trying some mindfulness techniques to help me deal with my anxiety. All I have is right now, I remind myself. I focus my senses on what’s around me right now, the sounds especially.

I also try to accept what is. I have done all I can in the matter. The rest is out of my control, and I have to accept what the outcome will be.

And I focus on what’s most important to me regardless of anything else that goes on in my life: Larry, Chase Bird, my spiritual life, writing, service to the world.

My techniques to help with the waiting and uncertainty aren’t perfect, but they are helping me to be able to deal with the anxiety so much better than I used to. I love that there are things I can do to help myself in that way.

Do you have a hard time waiting for news, good or bad?

Doors at Avoca

Thank you for your kind comments and good thoughts you sent for me last week. Larry and I are feeling better. We got out of the house a little over the weekend.

I’m still feeling tired, but it is back to the regular work schedule today. Actually, I only missed one day of work last week. I went to the doctor on Wednesday but still worked for part of the day.

On Thursday, I covered a court hearing. I couldn’t take my cough medicine all that day before court at 1:30 because it makes me sleepy. So I had a few times during the hearing when I was afraid I was going to start coughing. I made it through though.

Then Friday, I stayed home and slept a good part of the day. In fact, I slept a lot over the whole weekend.

All that said, I didn’t get any photos of anything over the past several days, and I didn’t do any writing other than in my journal. So . . . for today’s post, I thought I would share some photos I took last fall at Avoca Museum in Altavista.

Avoca is a Queen Anne style house that is a Virginia Historic Landmark and is in the National Register of Historic Places. It is on the site of the home of Colonel Charles Lynch, from the time of the American Revolutionary War.

One Saturday afternoon last fall, I went by Avoca to get a photo of a group meeting there. One of our local doctors is the current president of a state physicians’ group, and he asked me to get a photo for the paper.

A community newspaper does photos like these that a daily paper may not. Our mission is to provide a written and visual record of the community, and pictures like these fit into that mission.

I had to wait a while before the group reached a stopping place to pose for a photo. I sat in the back hallway of the house.

I usually can find something to keep my mind occupied during waiting times, and that day, I started noticing the doors in the house. I liked the decorative touches and the dark wood used. So I took photos.

Back screen door.

 

Back door.

Front door.

This doorknob is on a door in the back hallway. I liked the design.

What’s your favorite historic landmark near your home?

Doing more than just getting through it

I took this photo out my kitchen window last Monday. The town has been busy scooping up the leaves left at the curbside. They "vacuumed" up a large amount at our house last week. Larry has been busy gathering more for them to pick up this week.

Happy December! Is anyone else finding it hard to believe that the end of 2014 is upon us?

December is a particularly busy month for many. Work may be busier than usual with end-of-the-year assignments. The different holidays call us to prepare, often with shopping, cooking, cleaning, and decorating. The obligations can pile up. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed.

I’m facing a workweek that seems overwhelming to me. In fact, I’ve been dreading it. I have some challenging assignments with the newspaper that will keep me working late at least two, possibly three nights this week. And I have some personal obligations to take care of.

Even before I started my four-day Thanksgiving weekend, I looked forward and hated the thought of this coming week. It would be one of those weeks that I’d just get through, I thought. Just put my head down and do it and anticipate the weekend.

But . . . I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to feel like I have to “get through” certain days. I no longer want to wait until everything is “perfect”—not a hint of depression, no anxiety, no obsessive thoughts, no obligations, no responsibilities, etc.—to enjoy and appreciate life.

Granted, we all face difficult times when through necessity we just put one foot in front of the other. But this is a workweek I’m dreading. These weeks are a regular part of my life. I don’t want to wait for the good days anymore. I want to allow myself to have a good day any day.

This thinking harkens back to the post I wrote a couple of weeks ago about what makes for a good day. Shirley Hershey Showalter kindly posted it on her blog.

I can’t keep the good days for just those outside the newspaper office. Yes, things get hectic. I feel anxiety when facing a tight deadline, when covering something particularly controversial.

But I enjoy the work. Why not enjoy the day? Why not make each day, in some way, a good day? Even if I feel anxious, even if I fall into some OCD compulsions because of the stress, why not see the opportunity for a good day?

After all, this day is really all I have.

So I made a list of things I could do throughout the day to enjoy the day, to do meaningful work, to handle any extra anxiety, to do more than “get through” the day. And I’ve done some other planning and some preparation.

This week will be an experiment for me. I’ll report on how it goes.

In the meantime, please share in the comments section something that you do to get through the overwhelming, busy times. I love reading about others’ strategies, and I’m sure the other readers will appreciate them, too.

I’ll be back on my regular blogging schedule this week, so I’ll see you Thursday!

Getting through the workday

This was my desk at the end of the workday Tuesday night.

Tuesday is layout day at the newspaper.

Here’s the basic process:

In the morning, the editor, the other staff writer and I may do a variety of things, including writing stories, checking on stories, making phone calls, etc. Late morning, we have a meeting with the advertising manager and decide how many pages we’ll have in the paper and, generally, what stories will go where.

The big decisions are about what goes on page one and the “second” page one, page three. Sounds confusing, but basically page three has the second-tier stories on it. If you think about opening up a newspaper, your eyes probably go to page three before they hit page two.

Then the other staff writer and I start laying out the pages. The news editor at a sister paper helps with layout, too, and the ad manager lays out the classifieds.

As we finish pages, we print out “proofs,” and the editor and proofreader start reading and marking things that need correction/adding/deleting/changing. If needed, I also read and edit.

Later, when we’ve finished laying out, the other staff writer and I make corrections, turn the pages into PDF files and print them out. The three of us editorial staff proof the pages again.

Then we send the pages to press via the Internet. The actual pressroom is an hour or more from Altavista.

This past Tuesday, we finished up at about 6 p.m. (Sometimes we’re much later if we have something to cover in the evening and then write about it.) I had to stay after to get a head start on updating the newspaper website because I need to be out of the office for part of the day Wednesday to cover a couple of trials.

I do a lot of these activities every Tuesday without even thinking about them. And sometimes—OK, often—I get stressed out. I become tense and anxious before I fully realize what has happened.

I’m trying to be more mindful these days. I did a little experiment Tuesday. I worked through the normal lunchtime wrestling with the layout. At about 3:30, I reached a stopping point and hurried out to grab something to eat. I chose something quick: McDonald’s.

Yes, my eating habits tend to spiral down on Tuesdays.

While I was waiting in the drive-thru line, which really seemed to be taking too long to get through—I realized I was getting uptight and too stressed. So I turned on the radio and put it on WVTF, the public radio station in my area, and listened to classical music.

“Maybe this will calm me down,” I thought.

And it did, a bit. It certainly made my wait a little more pleasant.

Later, back at the office, Larry came by for a few minutes. He was there to pick up something from me, but it was nice just to see his face and laugh a bit with him.

And we got the paper done. We always do.

I’m learning more and more that it’s the little things during the day that can help calm the anxiety and remind me that I don’t want to hurry through the day too fast. It’s the only day I have, after all.

Now I need to work on staying away from the fast food.

What little things do you do to get through the day as easily as possible?

**And a note about Friday. I was going to post last Friday about a special assignment I had for the paper that kept me out until the early morning hours. But the story got delayed a week. So I’ll tell you about it this Friday.

The value of practice: What the teacher learned from the student

Note: I also shared this on my editing website, with a few changes, HERE. I wanted to share my experience with this extraordinary student with you, dear readers. But feel free to also check out my other website if you’d like.

Years ago when I was a graduate student, I taught mostly freshmen in writing classes at a state university in Ohio.

One semester I started a class of 112 writing, the top level. It was the last hurdle for the students. Unless their majors required other writing classes, that was the last one they had to take.

On that first day of class, after I had dismissed the students, a young woman stayed after to talk with me. Vickie told me she had taken 112 before but was choosing to take it again because she didn’t feel like she had learned enough or become strong enough of a writer.

Would I be willing to spend extra time with her between classes helping her with her writing?

So we began. Usually I assigned one essay a week, with classes built around both form and content. Every week, Vickie visited my office and brought me her draft essay, which I read and then discussed with her.

We talked about what her main idea really was and whether or not she was hiding it among the other ideas. We talked about different ways to organize her work. We talked about sentence structure and word choice.

I never told Vickie how to write the essay. But I gave her feedback and new ideas to consider.

She wasn’t getting special treatment from me. My door was open to all my students. But Vickie consistently took advantage of the help.

One day we were discussing some things going on in her life. She was a graphic arts major and was on the university swim team. I was never particularly artistic and definitely never athletic.

“I’ve always wanted to be an artist,” I said.

“I’ve always wanted to be a good student,” she said.

You are a good student, I told her. You work hard. You’re improving in your writing. You should be proud of yourself, I told her.

Vickie ended the class by getting a solid B. She was so pleased with herself. And I was so proud of her.

And I was so impressed with her willingness to practice to get better.

I’ve thought of Vickie often through the years, and when I was considering writing about her, I came up with these lessons she taught me about the importance of practice.

·         Make the decision to get better at something. I don’t believe you drift into a practice. You make a decision that you will begin a practice. Making a decision shows commitment. Vickie committed to taking a class she had already taken and wasn’t required to retake.

·         Put in the time. Practice takes time. Whether it is 15 minutes a day or an hour a week, working to become better takes time. Even with a busy schedule as a student-athlete, Vickie made time to work on her writing.

·         Put in the effort. Vickie had to make the effort to write a draft in time for me to review it with her before she revised it. She couldn’t blow off the assignment until right before it was due. She had to work on it, then work on it some more.

·         Don’t try to go it alone. Vickie enlisted help. That help in her writing endeavor was me. She didn’t have to struggle alone. I could offer not only technical assistance, but encouragement. We all need encouragement.

·         Persevere. I’m sure Vickie got tired of pouring so much time into writing essays that had nothing to do with her major classes. But she didn’t give up. She kept showing up in class and at my office door.

And here is what I’m sharing with you that I didn’t on my editing website.

It has been about 25 years since Vickie was my student. Some years after Vickie was my student, I read in an alumni magazine that she had passed away after a car accident.

Even though I had not seen or spoken with Vickie for about five years at that time, the news of her death hit me hard. It hurt to think that this talented, beautiful, kind young woman had lost her life so early.

So my memories of Vickie are very special to me. She taught me a lot that I want to share with others.

How important is practice to you when learning something new? Have you ever known a person who taught you lessons about the importance of practice?

Random 5 Friday

Happy Friday! I’m joining Random 5 Friday, a wonderful meme started by and coordinated by Nancy of A Rural Journal.

One

Thank you for all the kind comments regarding Larry’s trip to the ER. He’s doing fine now. He (finally) called his regular doctor today to make an appointment for follow-up as advised by the ER docs. His regular doctor is out of town until week after next, so he’ll have to wait a couple of weeks to see him.

Two

The HVAC contractor is coming over at 7:30 this morning to start replacing the heat pump, so I’ll be up and out early to get to the office.

He told Larry it would take about three days to install it. We’re scratching our heads over that one. Apparently they are not going to put in three full days on it. Today they are just going to measure and plan, I think, because he said he didn’t want to leave a mess over the weekend.

Three

During this heat-pump-installation opportunity, Larry wants to install attic steps into the crawl space over the den where the heat pump apparatus is. He’s going to work on that this weekend. My job—I’ve been told—will be to help lift the steps to the hole in the ceiling so Larry can attach them.

I am not particularly adept at jobs like this. Do you like home repair or renovation projects?

Four

I hope to have my website for my editing business ready to go live by Monday. It has certainly been a learning experience, buying a domain name and creating a website.

Five

I have not been taking many photographs lately. It seems like either the weather doesn’t cooperate or it’s dark outside.

If I take photos inside, they are usually of Chase Bird. I think he’s growing a bit weary of seeing the camera lens pointed in his direction.

What have you been photographing lately?

A few, small steps

"Gold, Green, Red"

I spent part of this past weekend working on a project that I’ve been thinking about and talking about for a while but not making much progress on.

That project is my desire to start a freelance editing business.

When I pulled out the notebook I had dedicated to this project, I was appalled to see that my last notes were dated April 21 of this year.

That means that for over six months, all I’ve done is think about the project. And the thinking has been sporadic.

I want to start such a business for different reasons. I’d like to earn extra income. I’d like to eventually be completely self-employed and not dependent on an employer. I’d like to do something that fits closely with what I love doing the most.

What I love doing the most is writing. But I’m not looking to become a freelance writer, at least not in the sense of getting assignments to write articles for magazines.

I want to write about things that I’m passionate about and interested in. I’ll always do that, whether I have a traditional job or am self-employed.

That kind of writing, even if I get published, doesn’t always translate into money. And I do need to make some money.

Second to creating the words, I love editing the words of others.

I love the challenge of smoothing out writing, making it consistent in style, organization, punctuation, grammar, spelling, while keeping the writer’s voice in place.

I love the power of words and helping others find just the right ones to convey their meaning.

I love weeding through words, finding the ones that have to be cut to fit a certain word limit, again, keeping the writer’s voice the same.

When I edit, I lose track of time, become totally absorbed in the task at hand.

So why have I held back on moving forward with my business idea?

Procrastination, depression, perfectionism, fear—the same things that dog me in other areas of my life.

I think they’re all tied together. When you’re depressed, you may lack motivation to do much of anything. It just seems too exhausting and useless.

The OCD is a party to all this, too. It’s easy to fall into the trap of obsessing about not doing things perfectly, of making a mistake like not filing taxes correctly, not doing a good enough job at the work, not being able to do the work.

Even with the treatment I have received, even with the improvements I’ve experienced in both depression and OCD this year, they both still have their influences.

But can I edit? Yes. Can I do a good job? Yes. Can I provide a service to others? Yes.

I found that just taking a few, small steps helped. I did some research. Reviewed some information about starting a business in Virginia. Learned some things that made me feel better.

And I decided that the best step to take at this point was to set up an appointment with the certified public accountant that does out taxes and have a talk about the requirements for setting up a sole proprietorship in Virginia. Why worry about what I didn’t know when I had a source of information to begin with?

So that’s what I’ll do. I’ll call this week and try to set up an appointment as soon as he’s available.

And I’ll keep taking the small steps that I need to take until I am ready to start my business.

What project have you been working on lately?

OCD, teaching and the fear of grading papers

It was one of the scariest days of my life.

It was my first day of teaching English. I was 22 years old, and I had a classroom full of 18-year-old college freshmen looking at me. I had to do something.

I followed the script I had carefully worked out before class. I could barely speak, but I managed to call out the names on my class roster. I made a pen mark beside each name.

But I was so nervous that I had to slide my arm along the desktop as I made the pen marks down the list. If I had lifted my arm, everyone would have seen how badly I was shaking.

As scary as that day was, the scarier times were soon to come, when I had to start grading papers.

I was in the first year of my master’s program in English at Bowling Green State University. I was teaching composition classes, where I reviewed the basics like sentence structure and paragraphing.

It stands to reason that if you’re teaching writing, the students have to practice it. And if they practice it, the teacher has to read it. And evaluate it.

That triggered my obsessive-compulsive disorder, especially my checking.

I was obsessed with fears of not reading each essay completely and fairly. I was afraid that I would miss something important or judge the paper unfairly.

So I compulsively read and reread each essay. I painstakingly wrote long comments explaining my critiques. I reread my comments and rewrote them when necessary, using liquid eraser fluid to cover the changes.

If I completed grading one 500-word essay in 30 minutes, I was making good progress. It took me hours to review and grade 20 to 25 papers.

This fear and this ritual continued as I taught English for four years while in school, and then for about two and a half years after I left school.

Even though during that time I started treatment for OCD in the form of medication, which tremendously helped my obsessions and compulsions, it could never wipe out the reading and checking OCD related to grading papers.

How this expression of OCD would have benefited from Exposure and Response Therapy.

I can just imagine how I could have “exposed” myself to a student essay, to read once, then again as I made comments. Then I would have worked to prevent my compulsion to do the whole thing over and over again. I would have worked at living with the anxiety of not checking each essay “just one more time.”

I enjoyed much about teaching: the interaction with the students, the joy of seeing them learn and practice new concepts and reach their goals. But memories of the joys of teaching are overshadowed by the memories of the fear I had of grading papers.

Have you ever had a job or volunteer task that caused you a lot of anxiety? What did you do about it?