It’s not all or nothing

Sunlight through oak leaves on an early morning in August.

As you know, I’ve recently taken up knitting. At first, I didn’t think I’d ever get beyond a few awkward stitches. It was a struggle for me to become comfortable with the movements of the needles and yarn.

But gradually, things changed. I kept pulling out my knitting bag and doing a little more. I recognized that I was moving my needles more quickly. I was feeling more comfortable.

And I could look at the results and see with my own eyes that I was getting better.

Another example of practice making us better at whatever we’re trying to do.

I know that practice helps. I’ve experienced it. We usually have to practice, have to keep trying, before we reach our goals, before we get to the place we want to be.

So why can’t I keep that idea—that wisdom—in mind with all my efforts?

I think an obstacle for me is the “all or nothing” thinking that goes along with my OCD and depression. With that kind of cognitive distortion, I believe that if I don’t get it right the first time, if I’m not perfect, then I’ve failed. Then it’s not good enough. Then there’s no need to keep trying.

I’ve been trying to make some changes in my daily routine. One change I’ve been attempting is to get up at the same time every day, preferably at an early hour.

All or nothing thinking has been getting in the way.

I’ve tried motivating myself with thoughts of what I’d accomplish by getting up earlier. I’ve set a regular alarm clock on the dresser in the bedroom so I’ve had to get out of bed to turn it off. I’ve charged my cell phone in the bedroom so I’d awaken to a more pleasant alarm (the phone has so many choices that sound better than a blaring alarm or even the radio).

I’ve had mixed results. I’ve gotten up, turned off the alarm, and gone right back to bed. I’ve gotten up, fed Chase Bird, and gone back to bed. I’ve gotten up and stayed up. But I don’t yet have a firm routine in place.

I’ve felt defeated. I’ve felt like a failure, a personal failure. Other people get up at the same early hour every day. Why can’t I? I’ve done it in the past. What’s wrong with me now?

But then I decided to apply the “practicing” way of thinking. Maybe I haven’t defeated my propensity to sleep “just a little more,” but that doesn’t mean I won’t get better at it. Why not just keep practicing? Why not learn from my experiences?

Why not believe that down the road, I’ll look back and see that I’ve improved? Just like I’ve improved in my knitting.

And in so many other things, if I’m honest with myself.

So I’ll keep working at this.

Name something that you have practiced to get better at.

Random 5 Friday: The last day of January

Happy Friday to you on this last day of January! Can you believe the first month of 2014 is almost over? It seems to have flown by.

I’m joining Nancy of A Rural Journal for Random 5 Friday. Check out Nancy’s blog to find more posts where bloggers share their random facts.

 

Snow on the camellia bush.

One

We had another snowfall this week. We were supposed to get mostly flurries in our area, but we got more than that.

The roads were treacherous Tuesday night. I had to work at the newspaper office into the evening, but Larry came to the office and followed me home in case I had trouble getting up any of the hills. I made it fine, but it was nice knowing he was behind me.

Two

My work week at the newspaper wasn’t as hectic as I thought it would be. A trial set for Wednesday went to a plea last Friday.

Three

My schedule seems to be different every week and can change at the last minute. That makes it hard to have a lot of week-to-week routine.

I am working on finding a more peaceful morning routine. It’s hard for me to get up early before it’s light outside, but I feel so much better when I get an early start.

I have got to stop hitting that snooze button.

What time do you get up in the morning?

Four

My skin is suffering from the cold, dry air of winter. My hands look like claws. They’re not like they were when washing OCD ruled my habits, but they are dry and rough. I have dry patches on my face, too.

I probably don’t put enough lotion on. I don’t like the thick feeling of too much lotion, and it seems to make my face oily if I’m not careful.

What lotion do you use for dry skin? Do you know of anything that moisturizes without leading to breakouts?

Five

Chase Bird loves to curl up in small, dark, warm spaces, especially during the day. To accommodate him, we arrange a kitty blanket over different chairs, wherever he’s hanging out, so he can hide away and sleep.

Here’s one we fixed in the den. It’s where Larry usually sits when he’s watching TV. But he gives up the chair for his Chase Bird.

A quiet winter’s weekend

"Trees in January"

I’ve spent a quiet weekend burrowed inside from the cold. I ventured out only twice, once Saturday and once on Sunday.

It rained all day Sunday. It’s supposed to get warmer through the night, then the arctic air hits Monday (today) and we’ll have wind chills below zero.

It won’t be nearly as bad as many of you in other parts of the country and the world have it, but it will be very cold for this area of Virginia.

Over the weekend, I read a lot. In fact, I finished my first book of 2014, a mystery by John Sandford. Sandford is the pen name for John Camp, a writer who won a Pulitzer as a journalist.

I read the first of the Lucas Davenport series, Rules of Prey. It was not only scary and intense, but well written.

I also took some naps, sat by the fire with Chase Bird, played with him, did some household chores and watched some TV with Larry.

I didn’t do much adventuring this weekend, as you might guess.

I’ve had to come to the realization that the holidays are really over. The extra time off from work, the changes in schedule for the past two weeks—it’s all done, over with. Now it’s back to the usual.

That thought doesn’t appeal to me. But I’m pushing through my reluctance.

I’ve got work to do for the newspaper.

And I will get my business license for the freelance editing this week. I tried to get it last week, but I had missed a step in the process and had to take care of that bit of business first. I look forward to telling you when I’m officially in business.

And there are some other writing projects percolating.

I’ve just got to shake myself out of my semi-stupor and get back into the routine, with my new sense of adventure.

Are you ready to get back into more of a normal routine? Or has that already happened for you?

On the road

Sam in 2011.

Sam seems to be on the road to recovery. She is still not as active as she was, but she is improving every day. She is not totally healed, but she is so much better than she was.

She has been through a lot: constipation, arthritis and body pain, infection. Our vet used the words “life threatening” on Saturday.

We were reminded that Sam is 17 years old this month, and that any illness in a kitty that old can be serious.

Our plucky girl didn’t give up. She bravely withstood repeated vet visits, needles, x-rays. She put up with the worried attention Larry and I gave her. Poor baby probably needs a vacation from us.

And Larry and I didn’t give up on her. We shed tears and paced the floor. We lost sleep and had a lot of worried conversations. We held on to hope that Sam would come back to us.

And we are grateful that she is on that road back.

I appreciate your comments and messages of concern you sent.

I haven’t missed writing a post, but I feel like I’ve been away for a long time because I haven’t been keeping up with YOU. I have missed you and hope to get back to the routine I enjoy so much—reading your blogs and catching a bit of what you’re doing in life.

I’ve not been following my regular routine lately because of all that has been going on. My emotions have been all over the place. I hope I’m on the road back, too.

Let’s start with the comments section: what’s one thing YOU have been up to lately?

What I did during my vacation week (and boy, do I need a routine)

Today I’m returning to work after being off for a week. I had nine days in a row to do what I wanted to do, nine days to not feel like I had to stay plugged into the news, nine days of freedom.

No, I’m not ready to go back to work. But a little part of me is glad to go back only to have more of a routine. Having a routine is helpful for both my depression and my OCD.

First, the vacation week:

*I read a lot, hung out with Larry and with the cats, took naps and just generally relaxed.

*I finally transferred my music library from iTunes to my iPhone. I’ve only had my iPhone for five months.

*I had to get my driver’s license renewed, so I had to spend a little time at the DMV, but it wasn’t too bad. The new picture on the license? Larry said it looked like a mug shot, and it does. And I’m going to have to live with it for at least eight years.

*Larry took me to the bookstore and waited while I picked out a stack of books for my birthday. I was like the proverbial kid in the candy store.

*We had a nice dinner out for my birthday. While we were eating, Larry noticed what he at first thought was a pheasant out the window. Turns out it was a peacock. The waitress told us he had recently taken up there. I got a photo of him on my iPhone through the window, so it's not a great shot.

*We drove up to Leesville Lake, a nearby lake, one evening and enjoyed the peace and quiet and beauty of the water.

It was a wonderful nine days. But they didn’t include a lot of routine. Not having a routine is OK for a while, but overall I feel better if I do have one.

For example, during my time off, I stayed up late, then slept late or napped at odd hours. Getting up at different times led me to take my medicine at different times and to eat at different times.

Going back to work will help me sleep and eat more regularly.

Staying busy with work also helps my depression and OCD by keeping my mind on other things. I don’t have as much down time, so I don’t have as much time to mull over things that might cause anxiety.

With all of that said, my routine still needs help. I’d like to have a routine that suits me even when I’m not working.

I’d like to get up earlier in the morning. I’d like to write on more of a regular schedule. I’d like to have time set aside each day for meditation and reflection. I’d like to have less empty time where I can’t decide what to do. I’d like to live with a more peaceful rhythm.

It’s hard work to change one’s routine. I know that from experience.

So I’m asking you, dear reader, to please offer me and other readers some tips and advice. How important is a routine to you? Does your life have a rhythm? How do you manage your schedule? How do you make yourself get up early in the morning?