Let’s be aware

This week (Oct. 5-11) is Mental Illness Awareness Week, a week dedicated to raising awareness and educating people about mental illness.

There is so much more awareness about mental illness now than when I was younger. I remember being told as a child that certain people were in the hospital because they “had a nervous breakdown.” And it was usually said in a whisper.

I had no real idea of what a nervous breakdown was. But it sounded bad, like a loss of control, like something to pity. It definitely sounded like something that should be kept a secret.

In reality, it was a secret kept by people who thought having a mental illness was something to be ashamed of.

When I was first diagnosed with OCD and depression in my mid-20s, I was ashamed. I thought if others found out, they would think I was deficient, weak. So I told only a very few close friends and family. Even with them, I brushed it off as just a little problem that I was taking care of with medicine.

The secretive way I handled my mental illness kept me from getting the full help that I needed.

For example, I didn’t want to get into a lot of therapy, including cognitive behavior therapy, because I’d have to ask off from work. How could I ask off for a doctor’s appointment if I didn’t look physically ill? I wouldn’t lie about it, but I couldn’t be honest either.

Several concerns kept me from getting the treatment that I needed when I was younger, but my fear of being stigmatized was part of it.

Nowadays, people talk about mental illnesses much more openly. Advocacy and education are still necessary—there are a lot of misconceptions out there, a lot of blaming—but the atmosphere for discussion has improved.

With discussion, stigma can lessen. We can ask each other questions and listen to each other’s stories. We can learn that we’re not the only one feeling certain feelings and thinking certain thoughts.

We can learn that we’re not alone.

Being aware is a big deal for me. So I’m happy to lend my voice to awareness of mental illness this week and beyond.

For more information about mental illness, check out the website of the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

Oct. 9 is also National Depression Screening Day. If you even think you’re depressed, please get screened and get help. And pass the word to your friends.

Let’s all be aware.

Leaves and light

I have enjoyed trees so much this fall.

The leaves on the trees. The shape of the branches as they empty themselves of this year’s leaves.

But mostly I’ve enjoyed the way the colorful leaves reflect the light. Even brown or rust-colored leaves take on a glow when the sunshine hits them a certain way.

One of the things I’ve learned as I live with depression is to enjoy the beauty in life. To notice even the small things that can give so much joy—if we just take a moment to see them, not just glance over them.

Carrying around a camera--or thinking about taking pictures--is one of the best ways I've found to help me pay attention. 

I’ve been looking at trees all my life. I’m living through my 51^st autumn. But the older I get, the more I realize that a big part of contentment is enjoying the moment, savoring the beauty, and being grateful for it all.

It’s part of my therapy.

What bit of beauty have you enjoyed lately?

Awareness: I have mental illnesses. I have a good life.

I had a good weekend. I spent time with Larry and my kitties. I read one great book and started another. I did some chores around the house. I took some photos. I did some organizing and planning on paper. I napped. I relaxed.

Yes, a good weekend.

I’m grateful for good times like this, for each new day that brings opportunities to be productive and enjoy those I love.

And I’m grateful that I can still enjoy the things in life that so many of you enjoy despite having mental illnesses.

This week (October 6-12) is Mental Illness Awareness Week, promoted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).

I want to take this opportunity to speak out in support of others dealing with mental illness, whether they have a condition themselves or have family or friends with mental illness.

According to the NAMI website, every year about one in four American adults has a mental illness.

On its website, NAMI defines a mental illness as “a medical condition that disrupts a person's thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning. Just as diabetes is a disorder of the pancreas, mental illnesses are medical conditions that often result in a diminished capacity for coping with the ordinary demands of life.”

But it’s not the end of the world if you have a mental illness.

I recognize that there is a lot of stigma about mental illness. When I’ve told people that I have a mental illness, I haven’t always been met with understanding. I can sometimes see the unease in other people’s reactions. We as a society are not comfortable talking about mental illness.

I have depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder, commonly known as OCD. My psychiatrist has also diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

I used to think all those diagnoses made me a mess.

But I’m not a mess. I’m a woman who struggles sometimes—if you’ve been reading my blog, you know that.

But I also live a good life. I have a husband I adore; I have pets; I have a job I enjoy; I take opportunities to write, something I consider to be part of my purpose; I take photographs; I have good weekends and good weekdays.

Treatment has allowed me to bloom in many ways.

Just as I have been helped by treatment for mental illness, so can anyone with one of these disorders. Everyone responds differently, but I firmly believe that anyone can improve with the right treatment.

It’s not always easy. I have had to make adjustments in my life to allow for the anxiety and depression that sometimes interfere with my daily activities. I have to be mindful to take my medication, see my doctor, and do the other things I do for my mental health.

But life isn’t always easy for you either, is it? We all have obstacles, burdens, troubles. Some of mine happen to include mental illness.

I encourage you to learn more about mental illness by visiting the NAMI website. And remember to be thankful for the good days.

Have you ever witnessed stigma associated with mental illness?

Paying attention

“Mindfulness has to do above all with attention and awareness, which are universal human qualities. But in our society, we tend to take these capabilities for granted and don’t think to develop them systematically in the service of self-understanding and wisdom. Meditation is the process by which we go about deepening our attention and awareness, refining them, and putting them to greater practical use in our lives.”

-From “Wherever You Go, There You Are,” page 10 in e-edition, by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Recently, while in the shower, I’ve been thinking about being aware and what it could do for me.

It’s not that I do all of my deep thinking in the shower. The problem is, I often get lost in thought. The time gets away from me, and I take a long shower and end up running late for work, for church, for everything.

I think that’s part of the cause of my tendency towards procrastination. I don’t stay in the moment enough, but lose myself in thoughts of what I’ve done, what I might have done, what I want to do, what I should do, etc.

I think I’m doing this at least partly to keep at bay anxiety in the present moment, or things I want to avoid in the present moment.

And I have some issues about the shower. I worry that I won’t rinse the soap out of the bottom of the shower and leave it slick, and then my husband might slip and fall. I fill my hands with water and splash it around until it looks OK. And I compulsively push the shut-off handle to make sure it really is off. (I have gotten that down to pushing it two times.)

What I’ve read so far about what Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz advocates is that it can help with OCD if you pay close attention to doing what you know will bring about obsessions and compulsions.

Say I have a problem with making sure lamps are turned off (I do). If I am aware that I am turning off the lamp, I create a mental picture I can later pull up to help me deal with anxiety about it.

In other words, I can tell myself, yes, that’s OCD, because I remember turning off that particular lamp. I don’t want to check the lamp again. I have a compulsive urge to check it.

So back to the shower. I found I got through the process faster if I kept telling myself things like, “I’m in the shower. I’m taking a shower. Now I’m going to wash my hair.”

Sounds kind of crazy, but I think it may be helpful to me, not just in hurrying myself through the shower process, but in learning to pay more attention.

Does anyone else have this problem with keeping the mind in the present? Do you see it as a problem? What do you do about it?