Sunday, March 18, 2012

OCD: Perfectionism

A public safety agency in our town periodically puts up interesting sayings on a sign in front of its facility. Right now the sign says something like the following: “IF YOU DON’T M3SS UP SOMETIMES, IT MEANS YOU’RE NOT DOING ANYTHING.”
I laugh a bit when I drive by the facility and read the sign, but I also understand the truth in what it says.
Perfectionism is part of my obsessive-compulsive disorder. I believe that it sometimes keeps me from doing anything.
I avoid writing because it might not be perfect. I avoid doing more artwork because I won’t do a perfect job.
I also have a hard time letting tasks go. For example, I have a hard time letting go of assigned stories on the job.
I read and reread and revise and proof over and over before I finally turn in a story to my editor. This process takes a lot of time, more time than it should, and it leaves me dreading writing and even avoiding starting writing assignments until the last minute.
I really hate to mess up. I fear that others will think I’m incompetent or unintelligent. I am afraid that I’ll make a mistake with terrible consequences, especially in my writing for the newspaper.
Perfectionism is not always a bad thing, and not all perfectionists have OCD.
In a post called “Perfectionism in OCD: When the pursuit of success turns toxic,” on Dr. Steven Seay’s Psychology Blog, Seay wrote about adaptive and maladaptive perfectionism.
Seay described the adaptive perfectionist as “the prototypical workaholic student/employee who goes above and beyond expectations. This person is intelligent, hard-working, dependable, and passionate about meeting or beating deadlines. He or she sets high personal standards of performance and has an attention to detail that is appreciated by (and often draws accolades from) others.”
Seay wrote that the maladaptive perfectionist also believed in hard work and tended to be intelligent and have high standards. But he “often misses deadlines and fails to deliver an exceptional work product (or, in some cases, any work at all).”
This was because a person with maladaptive perfectionism “often gets stuck in repeating tasks and has difficulty finishing projects. He or she may repeatedly recheck or revise their work. However, despite these efforts, the product never quite feels ‘good enough,’” Seay wrote.
He said maladaptive perfectionists may also practice avoidance: “Alternatively, the person may suffer from intellectual paralysis due to an over-concern with living up to their own potential, fear of failure, or a fear of disappointing others (e.g., teachers, parents, loved ones). This intellectual paralysis may lead to complete avoidance, and this avoidance often becomes chronic and difficult to change.”
On Friday, my therapist and I discussed my tendency towards perfectionism and how it played a part in my avoidance of going through my piles of papers.
The cognitive behavioral therapy exercise I did Friday was one way of fighting through the avoidance caused in part by perfectionism.
An example of a strategy was testing your beliefs about perfectionism. Make a typo in an email to your boss, the authors suggested, and see if your fears come true. If they come true, consider how you were able to deal with them.
Other strategies include putting your sense of perfection into perspective and think about areas of your life where imperfection is OK; attempting to define perfect; considering how you have different standards for others; and finding out the standards of people you admire.
The authors also encouraged exposure response prevention therapy. That is basically what I did Friday night: I worked on my piles of papers for 20 minutes, but I didn’t allow myself to get caught up in a never-ending session of trying to make everything perfect. I also didn’t allow myself to continue to avoid going through the papers.
Are you a perfectionist? Do you also have OCD? How has perfectionism affected you? What strategies do you use to fight against the negative effects of perfectionism?
Now I am going to stop rereading and revising this post and use it as an exposure exercise. I really want to read it again, but I’ve done my best, and it’s time to let it go.

22 comments:

  1. I used to grapple with this with my therapist (I have GAD). We were trying to decide if I'm a perfectionist or not. I certainly like to do quality work, but I'm also able to let it go, even when I know it's not perfect. When we're writers, it's hard to find that fine line between making the many drafts and revisions that create good work vs. over-writing in order to avoid sharing the work with others. Hopefully we have a good support system to help us recognize when we've crossed a line.

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    1. You make a good point, Nadine, that there is a fine line between doing what we need to do to produce good work versus avoiding finishing a project so we don't have to share it. Eventually, I have to let go of my writing for the newspaper--it has to be finished so it can be published. It's not so easy to let go of my own writing, though, or even some of my other, non-writing projects. I've avoided giving away crochet projects, for example, because I didn't think they were "good enough," and most of my artsy projects are for my eyes only.

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  2. This is all so true and so telling. I imagine there are more out there who don't try because they are afraid of not being perfect.

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  3. Rebecca, I agree. And many probably don't even realize that perfectionism is holding them back. I have always labeled myself as "conscientious," which I am. But the conscientiousness goes too far sometimes, and I end up not accomplishing much in the name of perfectionism.

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  4. My perfectionism is with myself. I hate hate when I make a mistake and I have a really hard time not dwelling on it to the point that it drives me crazy.

    I could care less about perfection with other people or with knitting but when it comes to myself, I am bad. I expect 100% rightness all the time. It has come out in force since I am trying to lose weight again.

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    1. Jen, I tend to be harder on myself, too. I try so hard to avoid mistakes, so when I make one, I beat up on myself, too. I'm trying to do better with that.

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  5. Yep, one more member of the perfectionist club here! It's really awful and can destroy your life if you let it. I've heard people talk about being a perfectionist as if they are proud of it. Ugh. Not for me anymore. I've had to accept being very imperfect when it comes to running the audio equipment at church. It's been a bit painful at times. I want people to think I'm smart and that I know what I'm doing. I mess up all the time. But life hasn't fallen apart because I mess up. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

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    1. Sunny, I know people who are proud to call themselves perfectionists, too. I think we get conscientiousness mixed up with perfect. If we think of ourselves as perfectionists, we're really thinking we can produce something perfect. We're going to fail at that, so we're just setting ourselves up to be disappointed in ourselves.

      You are right--just because we mess up doesn't mean our lives are falling apart. It just means we're human!

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  6. I know perfectionism used to be a big problem for my son Dan. He is in art school and his work is always critiqued by his peers and teachers. Maybe this was a good type of ERP Therapy for him? I don't know, but it doesn't seem to be much of an issue anymore!

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    1. Janet, It probably is a kind of ERP therapy to have your work critiqued. When I was in school and writing workshops, I got lots of doses of that. But it has been a while. Maybe I need to join a writer's group!

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  7. My favorite quote on perfectionism is:

    "Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough - that we should try again."
    -Julia Cameron

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  8. That is a beautiful quote! She's right--we're calling on the worst in ourselves.

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  9. I'm not a perfectionist, but I do worry a lot. And I'd have a very hard time intentionally making a type in an email to a boss!

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  10. LOL at my typo above. Ha! Some sort of Freudian-like slip?

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    1. Lisa, maybe you just needed to make that typo so you would know nothing bad would happen if you did! LOL

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  11. Ohhhh Tina, got so much to say on this topic...yes, it drives OCD but it also interferes with starting a lot of things for fear of failure. I definitely have a love-hate relationship with perfectionism. was just thinking of this as I started to respond to you via e-mail so interesting you wrote a post about it...e-mail coming!

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    1. That's a good way to put it, Tracy--a love-hate relationship. I don't want to slack off, but I don't want to worry myself to death either.

      I think perfectionism keeps me from starting a lot of things. It's easier not to try. That sounds awful, and I do a lot of things, but who knows how much more I might have accomplished? Oh, well, I'm working on it!

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  12. Yup. Me too. Perfectionism is horrible. One of the best books I read on the subject that really helped me is "Present Perfect" by Pavel Samov. It's a mindfulness based approach.

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  13. Hi
    I came across your blog while searching for a connection between anger and OCD. I'm 42 and have been struggling with the pain and anxiety of a life half-lived due to total paralysis when it comes to making decisions, figuring out "what I really want to do with my life" and taking the appropriate actions...
    I suffer with perfectionism and it keeps me almost at a standstill. I'm an intelligent, attractive, funny 42-year old man and I can't seem to get things going. It's exhausting.
    I only read a few posts from your blog but I will continue as it's through identifying with others that I see I'm not alone and gain hope.
    Thanks.
    Peter

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    1. Peter, I'm sorry you are struggling with perfectionism, too. You are not alone, and there is definitely hope for getting better, because I have gotten better. My work with exposure and response prevention therapy is helping me with my perfectionism.

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  14. Hello,

    I was pleased to find this blog in the hopes of getting some advice. I am the partner of an OCD sufferer struggling with perfectionism and I prefer to remain anonymous as I don't think my partner would like viewing her personal issues on the web. Out of respect for her and her privacy, I was hoping someone on this blog could offer an email exchange to help me as the partner of an OCD sufferer.

    I am creating an alternate gmail address: tpocd123@gmail.com

    Thank you for your support.

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    1. Hello, I can only tell of my own experiences because I am not a medical professional. I can be reached by email at tbarbour36@gmail.com.

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