The boot is back

Yes, that is a picture of an orthopedic boot on my foot. I am back in it after reinjuring my foot.

Do you remember when I broke my foot last year? I broke the fifth metatarsal in my right foot in a break called a Jones fracture. It’s a break in a part of the foot that doesn’t have a good blood supply, so it is slow to heal.

Mine finally healed nearly 100 percent last year. I had to wear the boot for a little over three months, then an ankle stabilizer.

It was so nice to put that boot away in the closet.

Tuesday morning, I put on sandals to wear to work. They have a little bit of a heel, and no strap around the back of the foot.

I walked out the door to go to my car. I don’t know what I did to cause it. But I felt my right ankle roll over and a lot of my weight went on the side of my foot.

I wanted to cry, and not just from the pain. From fear that I’d broken the foot again.

I saw my orthopedic doctor Wednesday. He can’t tell from the x-rays whether or not I broke it again. He thinks it’s OK, but as a precaution, he wants me to wear the boot for three weeks, then x-ray it again to see if a break shows up.

Within those three weeks, if all the pain goes away, I can cancel the appointment with him and ditch the boot. Then I’ll wear the ankle stabilizer for a couple of weeks. That’s the path I’d like this to go.

So ….. I am trying to stay positive. It could be so much worse. Many people deal with a lot worse. This is mostly inconvenience.

I am bummed that I can’t go for a walk.

But I’m trying to stay active. Thursday I had some errands to run. It’s a hassle to drive in a supportive shoe, then put the boot on, walk around, go back to the car, take the boot off, drive, and repeat. But I made it. And I kept moving.

I can’t add “go for a walk most days” to my list of habits to develop, but there are many things I can still work on. I’ll just be thumping along in my boot as I do them.

Getting up in the morning

The habit that I’m working on is getting up early in the morning. I like being up early. The hard part is breaking through my resistance to stay in bed just a little longer.

For much of my life, getting up early was the norm. I felt out-of-sorts if I stayed in bed very late in the morning. It was almost a moral issue for me, like I was somehow lazy if I slept in.

In trying to relax my compulsive need to get up early, I went too far the other way.

And I developed some unhealthy habits during periods of depression. It’s easier to stay in bed when you don’t feel like you have anything to get up for. When the day seems like it’s going to be one more bad day, why hurry into it? Why not delay it just a little longer?

***

The thing is, I can get up early when there’s something work related that I have to be up for. And I like being up early, when the air is fresher and the birds are singing and not many others are out and about.

Getting up early is a good habit for me. The earlier I get up, the more time I have for some of the things that I’ve been putting off: writing and exercising, for example. It’s harder for me to be active in the evenings because I’m more tired then.

I’m not talking about not getting proper rest. I’m talking about getting enough sleep but timing it so I get up before the sun is very high in the sky.

***

Sunday night, I set the alarm clock for 6 a.m. That’s the time that seemed right and doable. I’ve been aiming for it off and on for months, with no luck.

Monday morning, I woke up when the alarm, set to the local NPR station, went off.

And I made that mistake: I pushed the snooze button.

I’ve done that many a time without thinking. I’ve just automatically pushed it. But I did it intentionally this time. I thought I’d push it just once and then get up at 6:11.

I finally got up at 7:16. I was disappointed in myself. I know better than to push that snooze button for one more bit of sleep, just one more. But I had done it anyway.

On the other hand, I was up earlier than I had been in a few days. And I decided that I would take time to go on a short walk, up to the end of my street and back home. It’s just six-tenths of a mile, but it’s enough to get me moving and outside, with the air as cool as it’s going to be all day.

Monday night, I set the alarm for 7 a.m. I thought it was more probable I would get up at 7 than 6.

I’m sorry to say, I pushed the snooze button again and got up even later.

***

So I’m a work in progress. But I’m still trying.

And I’m thinking about the fact that I can get up when I have an early court case to cover or an early interview. Maybe I need to start thinking of other activities—like exercise, like my own writing, like meditation—as just as important as a work assignment.

Do you push the snooze button? If not, how do you keep yourself from doing it?

Making habits

A tree in our neighborhood. It's been here longer than I have and has seen a lot.

Hello, dear readers. I have not been consistent with my blogging lately, and I apologize for that. Here is what has been going on with me and what I want to do about it.

I have been working more hours than usual at the newspaper, which accounts for some of my absence. But the main reason is that I’ve been living an unhealthy lifestyle.

My eating has been all over the place—too much, not the right kinds of foods. I haven’t been exercising. I haven’t been keeping good sleeping habits. I stay up late, toss and turn, then sleep too late. Long naps are the norm when I get the chance. And still, I’m exhausted too much of the time.

I haven’t been spending enough time outside in nature, taking photographs. I haven’t been relaxing enough. I’ve let intrusive thoughts carry away my emotions.

I think about writing more than taking action and sitting down and writing. I let fear and inertia control me.

Basically, I’ve been drifting along, doing what I have to do, putting my head down and just vowing to get through the day. I haven’t been looking for the joy, or the contentment, or the peace that I believe can make each day a better one.

I love looking at trees like this and their huge roots. Trees are symbolic for me. I think of life and stability and strength when I look at them.

There are lots of reasons for letting myself go: lack of motivation, procrastination, some depression, feelings of insecurity, taking the easy way out. Fear.

Have you ever felt tired of how you’re living? That’s where I am now.

I’ve been here before. And my usual response is to make a huge list of things to change and set a lot of goals, all at once. And then I get overwhelmed.

So I’m starting slow. There’s one habit I’m going to work on first. I’m not going to tell you what it is today. I’m going to work on it and tell you about it Wednesday. I’ll tell you about it even if the process is going badly.

Because change is hard and sometimes the process is pretty ugly.

What’s the last habit you worked on developing?

My weekend and habits

Sunday was a rainy day, but I wanted to get some pictures of the daffodils anyway.

The daffodils that came with the house—we didn’t plant them—are at the edge of the yard where the woods begin. They bloom every year and are an early reminder that spring has arrived.

I haven’t taken pictures of anything lately. On Saturday night, as I planned the next day out loud, I mentioned getting some photos of the flowers. Larry reminded me that it was supposed to rain.

I’ll go out before the rain, I said.

Sunday morning I slept in, and it was raining before I finished my shower and got dressed. I decided I wasn’t going to change my plans.

I held the camera close to my body and shielded it the best I could. The rain wasn’t coming down hard. It didn’t feel like a gentle spring rain, though, because the air had a cold bite to it. Winter hasn’t fully let go.

I got my photos of the flowers, and then came inside. I left my camera sitting out of its case, letting any dampness evaporate.

One reason I didn’t want the rain to get in the way of my plans was because I’ve been letting too much get in the way of my plans lately. Procrastination and lack of motivation—are they the same? Whatever they are, they’ve been visiting me lately. Again.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know I sometimes struggle with procrastination. It’s not fun. So I do what I can to fight it. I try to get one thing done. Then another. Then another. Step by step.

I also try to remember what I did experience. I didn’t do a lot of work this weekend. But the weekend held inspiration and love.

Larry and I attended the funeral of the former mayor of our town, our Rudy Burgess that I wrote about last week. It was a sad event, of course, and also a spiritually uplifting one. As I said last week, Rudy was a person who inspires me to be better.

Larry and I spent some fun time together watching basketball. Sunday’s Virginia game was the focus, but we got interested in a couple of other games over the weekend. It’s funny how you can know nothing about the two teams playing, and yet you pick out a favorite and cheer for them like you’re a real fan.

I finished reading a good book, Mad River, by John Sandford.

And I got my pictures of the daffodils.

What did you experience this weekend?

Making plans when you have depression and OCD

Thursday morning I recognized two things: I need to make a plan, and I’m not a very good planner when it comes to my personal life.

I had this mini-epiphany as I was getting ready to go to work—at 11 a.m. I had spent most of the morning in bed, not sleeping as much as just lying there trying to figure out what to do with my day.

It was the last day of my pay week. I had already worked 31.5 hours. I’m working a new 32-hours-a-week schedule.

But I had a court hearing to cover at 3 p.m. And I needed to try to set up an interview for a story I’m working on.

Because of this combination, I couldn’t decide when to go into work, how many hours to work, and how to spend my time before work.

Having a plan would have helped.

Over the years, I’ve developed certain habits as I’ve dealt with OCD and depression. Some of those habits influence how I plan my time.

OCD is very restrictive. It tries to dictate how you do things and when you do things.

When I started getting treatment for OCD, I was glad to begin to be free from many of the restrictions. I started to avoid adhering to a strict schedule when I didn’t absolutely have to. Too much of a schedule can feel like OCD.

Also, I made many plans over the years that got interrupted by OCD rituals like checking. I disappointed myself and others many times by being late for something or not finishing something because I was taken up in an OCD storm.

Unfortunately, I translated that into the habit of not making plans so I wouldn’t disappoint myself or anyone else.

Having depression also influences me. When I’m in a depression slump, planning a day seems to be useless when there’s nothing I want to do. Planning for the future is too difficult when I can’t look forward to anything.

OCD and depression have influenced me, but I know that I can’t stop there.

I’m responsible for how I spend my time, and I’m responsible for my habits. I’ll have to rise above the influences of OCD and depression.

Having a plan for how many hours I’ll work a day and for the time I’m not at work will help me get out of some of those bad habits I’ve developed.

Here’s what I will do:

*Figure out a schedule a week at a time.

*Use my calendar of work tasks to figure out how many hours a day I’ll need to work.

*Make a list of things I want to accomplish each day.

*Include in my lists chores and errands I need to take care of.

*Block off times to do the things that I value the most.

*Develop the habit of getting up early every day.

How much of a planner are you? Do you plan out your day, week, or month? Do you have any suggestions for those who have trouble coming up with a plan?