Autumn colors and other randoms: Random 5 Friday

Happy Friday, everyone! I hope you’ve had a good week and are looking forward to a great weekend!

I’m joining in with Random 5 Friday with Nancy of A Rural Journal. Follow the link to Nancy’s blog to find other bloggers sharing their randoms!

One

The leaves don’t seem to want to change color this fall. We still have a lot of green left on the trees, and a lot of the leaves that have fallen are brown. Here are some photos I took last Sunday around the house.

Two

I saw my orthopedic doctor this week, and he turned me loose. He said the break in my foot was 100 percent healed in some areas. It’s still not healed completely at the edge, but it will heal, he said.

I can wear any shoe I want now as long as it doesn’t hurt. And my activities aren’t limited in any way. Just watch for pain, he said.

I asked him how to avoid breaking it again, and he said to avoid turning my foot on the side and falling.

Well, yeah.

We laughed about it, and I clarified by asking how could I avoid another stress fracture, because this break probably started as a stress fracture.

He said weight was the big issue there.

I’m working on it.

Three

Larry, Chase Bird and I have been adjusting to Chase’s new freedom to roam the house at will. The boy can leap small buildings, I’m pretty sure. We’ve had to get him down from places that he’s not supposed to be, but usually all we have to say is his name, and he gets down.

He also appears and disappears quickly. Sometimes the only way we find him is to shake the treat bag, which usually brings him running.

On Thursday, I was off work and Larry and I went out to lunch. I went to the car first. When Larry came out, he said he couldn’t find Chase but figured he was under one of the chairs in the living room, where he likes to sleep.

When we got home, we heard a faint meow. Poor Chase Bird had gotten shut into the coat closet when Larry reached in to get his jacket. We apologized profusely.

Chase Bird doesn't have e time for photos. He's too busy.

Four

I usually go to bed at night before Larry. Nearly every night, Chase comes and sits on the foot of the bed when I lie down. He stays there most of the night, getting up when I get up in the morning. Larry says he’s guarding me. I think it’s very sweet.

Five

Two months from today is Christmas. Where did this year go? I’ve already seen some Christmas decorations in a little shop in town. I’m not quite ready to start thinking about all the decorating, shopping and general stress I seem to create around the holidays.

I’m thinking of creating a holiday season bucket list like Debbie at It’s All About Purple did for autumn. It looks like she’s having a lot of fun working on that list!

Opportunity

View of some of the woods along my walking route in my neighborhood.

Thank you for your good wishes for my doctor’s visit on Friday. The doctor x-rayed my foot again and pronounced it 90 percent healed. Not what I was hoping for, but he seemed pleased because it was better than it had been in June.

During my visit, he found a couple of other problems—minor ones, really—that I will have to deal with: plantar fasciitis in my left foot and tendonitis in my left elbow (tennis elbow).

I’m going to learn some exercises to strengthen the right muscles during two sessions of physical therapy, and he gave me some other things to do to get better.

The most important thing I took with me as I left his office was this: I had an opportunity. The opportunity to get strong and fit and become physically healthier.

I have to face the fact that I have let myself go. My muscles are weak and underused. When asked to do what they normally would do, they are balking.

Also a problem is the fact that I weigh too much.

I really like this orthopedic doctor. He draws pictures to illustrate his explanations to me, and he gives me plenty of time to ask questions.

He gave me two lists, one for my foot and one for my elbow. Here’s the one for the foot:

See that phrase third from the bottom? “Weight loss.”

It’s official. I need to lose weight and the doctor has put it in writing.

I’m putting too much weight on my foot with plantar fasciitis. And extra weight is not good for the almost-healed fracture in my right foot either.

The doctor jokingly said, “You’re falling apart.”

The take-home message for me was that I better start taking better care of myself or I will have more problems like the ones I’m having now.

I don’t see this as a burden. I see this as an opportunity to get better and feel better. And if I feel good physically, I’m going to feel better mentally and emotionally, too.

So I’m starting to eat less and plan how I can more systematically eat a healthier amount of food. I’m planning how to make time in my day to exercise.

Starting out on a walk on Saturday morning.

Step by step, I’m going to lose weight and get stronger. I have this opportunity to do that, and I’m taking it.

What is one thing you’re doing now that enhances your physical health? Please share!

Out of the boot

I’m back from my short break, and I’m glad to be back. Last week was a very busy week at work, and I worked a lot of extra hours. I’m glad the worst of that is behind me, and I’ll get on a regular schedule again.

The first thing I wanted to share with you this week was some good news that I received Friday when I visited my orthopedic doctor. He took me out of the Monster Boot!

So no more this:

Now I’m in this, an ankle stabilizer:

It laces up and tightens up with Velcro straps, and I can wear a shoe with it. So for the first time in over three months, I can wear matching shoes!

I have to wear this for a month. Then, if I’m not experiencing any pain, I can go without it except when I’m walking on uneven ground.

I go back to the doctor in August. He’s expecting the bone to be 95 percent healed by then.

Yes, it’s still not completely healed. The doctor said it would take a long time, and it is. But it doesn’t have to be completely healed to get out of the boot.

I’m still getting used to the feel of the stabilizer. I tend to throw my foot out like I’m still wearing the boot, so I’ve got to get out of some habits I formed during the months I walked with the boot.

I’ve had a little pain in my ankle today, so I’m trying not to overdo it.

Still, it has been really nice to stand on my own two feet again and to walk more. I am so grateful.

And that gratitude led to thinking about what I’ve learned from the experience so far. Whether it’s the teacher that still resides in me, or the OCD in me that makes me over think, or just the way I’m put together, I like to consider the lessons in situations.

Here is what I came up with:

*My situation is temporary. I have been inconvenienced. I have been limited. But I know that the inconveniences and limitations will eventually end. There are so many people who are permanently hurt or disabled, and I am in awe of their strength in dealing with daily challenges.

*My guiding theme this year is “letting go.” I have had to let go of my feeling of control over what my healing progress will be. Each time I go to the doctor, I have expectations of what will happen: he will take me off crutches, he will take me out of the boot, he will tell me I am completely healed. I have had some disappointments.

I have had to learn that my expectations are not controlling anything. I can follow doctor’s orders, and I can follow healthy habits, but I can’t control the bone in my foot.

*People in general are helpful and kind. I can’t count the number of helpful gestures—opening a door, carrying a bag, giving up a seat, taking an extra step for me—people have done for me. That’s people I know and people I don’t know. I believe most people want to help and are willing to help even strangers.

*It’s OK to ask for help. I don’t like to ask others to do things for me. I feel like I’m bothering them. But we all need help sometimes. And if someone helps me today, I can set the intention to help someone else tomorrow.

*Our bodies are wonderful, intricate, and fascinating. How things work together, how healing occurs, how we can adapt to changes—it’s all pretty amazing to me.

I leave you with those lessons. I hope you’re doing well. I have missed you! I’ll be back on Wednesday.

Please share something about how last week went for you.

5 facts and planning for a break

As you probably know if you are on Blogger, Google Reader is going to disappear on July 1, and I’ve heard that the Blogger reading list may go away, too.

So I’ve joined BlogLovin as a back-up. Please join me by clicking on the BlogLovin’ icon down on the right side of the page, right under the Facebook icon. Thank you!

I’m joining Nancy at A Rural Journal for Random 5 Friday. I didn’t do it last week, and I missed it!

If you’d like to join in, link up at A Rural Journal.

Dock at Leesville Lake.

One

When I first moved back to Virginia after grad school, I was an adjunct English instructor at some local colleges.

Recently, via Facebook, one of my former students from the community college where I taught got in touch with me. He wrote in part, “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought of your class or enjoyed your influence over the last 20 years or so. I wanted to let you know that your encouragement meant a great deal to me then and that I did in fact achieve a number of my educational and life goals afterwards.”

He made my day.

Have you ever received an encouraging message just when you needed one?

Two

I am afraid of snakes. All snakes. Deathly afraid. I think I have a definite phobia.

Larry saw the first snake of the season this week, a long black snake. He said it was headed away from our yard, across the street.

I didn’t even like hearing that he had seen one. He reminded me that they are all around us. I know that. But I don’t like to think about it.

Are you afraid of snakes?

Three

Lately, I have been eating a little seafood and a bit of chicken. I thought that perhaps my body was missing some vitamins and minerals and that eating some fish might help my foot heal.

I have especially enjoyed eating salmon. I ate a piece on my birthday last week that melted in my mouth.

I am not completely comfortable with what I’m doing. I became a vegetarian because of my beliefs about animals.

I’m not ready to decide to keep eating seafood and poultry permanently. But for now I am mostly vegetarian, not completely.

I’m reading and pondering, taking it a step at a time.

Four

I go back to my orthopedic doctor about my fractured foot on June 14. I hope I can get rid of the boot for good. It is heavy and awkward. And I’ve had pain in my opposite hip, knee and foot, from too much pressure on them, I think.

I may have to wear a fracture shoe for a little while.

And then I’m so ready to wear two matching shoes and to take a long walk.

Five

I’m allergic to tree nuts. Today I attended a business luncheon. On the buffet were croissants stuffed with what I thought was tuna salad. When I picked it one to eat it, I realized it was chicken salad when I saw the large walnuts in it. I gave it away to a tablemate.

Back at the office in the afternoon, I was offered a chocolate chip cookie one of my co-workers had bought and left for the rest of us. I nibbled at the edges. Then my boss, who was also eating one, said, “Tina, I think this has nuts in it.” We looked closely and saw walnuts. So I gave the cookie to him.

Not a good food day, but at least I didn’t eat any of the nuts.

Are you allergic to any foods?

I’ve decided to take next week off from blogging. I will be very busy at work with my boss out of town.

And I am feeling the need for some downtime with the blog writing. I need some rejuvenation.

I will be reading your blogs as much as I can. And I’ll be back writing on Monday, June 17.

Hopefully, I’ll be inspired during my time off and come back full of ideas.

I’ll miss you and your comments! Take care, dear readers, until next time.

OCD and self-doubts about health

I had another appointment with my orthopedic doctor on Friday and received a mix of good and bad news.

The good news is that the bone fracture in my foot has healed more since my last visit a month ago.

The bad news is that I still need to wear the orthopedic boot or a fracture shoe for another month.

The doctor showed Larry and me the X-rays. Some of the fracture is “smoothed over” and none of the jagged teeth that first appeared on the X-rays are visible.

But part of the fracture still looks, in Larry’s words, “like a Pac Man figure’s open mouth.”

The foot still hurts some when I’m not in the boot, aches at night if I’ve been on my feet for a long time. And it’s tender to the pressure the doctor puts on it.

Those symptoms helped the doctor determine that the best recommendation is to stay in the boot. I can try the lower fracture shoe, but if the foot hurts while wearing that, I’m to go back to the boot.

He thought it would heal completely as long as I listened to my body.

And then the doubts came.

An orthopedic boot is a great conversation piece. People I don’t even know will ask me why I’m wearing it.

Some will tell me their own stories of being in a boot. Some will talk about being in one for a matter of weeks.

I’ve been in one for over two months, part of that time on crutches.

People who I see often seem amazed that I’m still wearing it.

“You’re still in that boot? How much longer do you have to wear it?”

And at work, I get the impression—and it could be all in my imagination—that my co-workers wish I would get out of the boot already.

I can’t do certain assignments because of my foot. I can’t walk long distances to take photos at large events. My driving is limited. I’m working my regular schedule of 32 hours a week, but there are limitations on what I can do.

So in the doctor’s office Friday, all these thoughts came crowding in and I started to doubt myself. I asked myself questions such as, Does it hurt enough to warrant the boot? Was I exaggerating how much it hurt? Was I giving a false impression to my doctor?

I don’t have anxiety that I’m sicker than anyone else thinks I am. I have anxiety about giving the impression that I’m sicker than I really am.

One of the reasons I wanted Larry with me when the doctor talked to me was so that he could be a witness to what the doctor said and what his concerns were. I didn’t trust just myself.

Towards the end of my visit, I finally asked the doctor some of the questions that I had: was it unusual for it to take so long to heal? Was it unusual to still hurt? Was it strange for me to still be in a boot?

Absolutely not, said the doctor. If it had healed totally in two months, THAT would have been unusual, he said.

I told him that some other people were surprised that I had been in the boot for so long. He said if my fracture had occurred in a different part of my foot, they would be right. But this is a Jones fracture, he reminded me. And this type of fracture can take a long time to heal.

Later, I remembered what he had said about listening to my body.

Having OCD, I don’t always trust my interpretation of what my body is telling me. I wonder about how much pain is “enough” to warrant concern. I wonder if I’m sick “enough” to call for the care of a doctor. I wonder if I’m worth all this fuss.

I want to be certain. And I can’t.

Deep inside, I know my foot needs the boot. I know I feel pain. It’s just the OCD creeping in, causing me to doubt myself. It’s just me listening to others instead of to my body and to my doctor.

I’m not going to let those doubts compromise my health. I will just live with them. Eventually, the accompanying anxiety will dissipate.

And eventually, I will get out of this boot.

Do you ever have doubts about the seriousness of a health problem you have?

What’s going on in my life: 5 facts

If you’re a blogger, do you ever feel like you’ve got some things you’d like to share, but you’re not sure it would take up a whole post?

Do you ever have a snippet of information you’d like to explore, but you’re not sure where it will go?

That’s me today as I link up with Nancy’s A Rural Journal for Random 5 Friday.

Here are five facts about me and my week. I may expand on facts two through five in later posts.

One

I got out into the yard on Sunday to capture some spring in photos. It felt good, even though I had to be careful on the uneven ground.

Our backyard

Azaleas



Azalea bloom



White blooming bush (I don't know its name. Do you?)



Close-up of white blooms



My trusty boot went along for the walk



Two

The depression that I struggled with in January and February has gotten a lot better. The medication change my psychiatrist made seems to have helped. I’m also doing a lot of talking to myself and soul searching about worry, anxiety, expectations and contentment.

And the writing that I do for this blog helps me tremendously. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today, and one of the things he told me to do was to keep up my writing!

Three

I seem to meet a lot of dogs when I go on interviews for work. I met a sweet Cocker Spaniel this week.

I also seem to forget that some dogs might not like me. I tend to reach out and pet a dog before I’ve given him or her a chance to sniff me and judge me as OK. My husband says he’s afraid I’m going to lose an arm that way.

Four

Speaking of dogs, sometimes it’s easier for me to talk with an animal than a person. I enjoyed that interview that I had, but I still get nervous beforehand, even though I’ve been a reporter for over three years. Maybe it’s about being so introverted.

Do you find it easier to talk with animals?

Five

My husband and I went to a bookstore in Lynchburg Thursday. One of the books I bought was The Omnivore’s Dilemma, by Michael Pollan. I’m trying to find a way to eat that supports me nutritionally and ethically. I’m looking forward to reading this book. Have any of you read it?

Anxiety and slowing down



Sam enjoys slowing down a bit by lying in her new bed.



It’s possible to find a lesson in any situation, and the situation with my broken foot is providing plenty of lessons. One of them is the importance of slowing down.

There are 14 steps up the front of my office building. There’s a ramp in back, but it’s a long one, and it takes me seemingly forever to go up it using crutches. I’ve got my protective, giant boot on. So I’m taking the steps.

The steps seem too narrow to properly use the crutches, so I hold on to the railing and start up. My husband comes behind me, carrying my purse, camera bag and crutches.

“Take one step at a time,” he says. “That way, you’re not putting all your weight on your bad foot.”

Oh, one step at a time. One step at a time? That will take forever.

But I do it. Good foot up, bad foot up. Next step: good foot up, bad foot up. All the way to the top.

***

I sit watching TV in the den with Larry. Commercial time. I get up and check something on the computer.

Back to the den. I watch the show. Then I think about a soda.

I get up again and hobble into the kitchen.

Back to the den. Commercial time. I get up and go to the bedroom and put on my sweatpants.

Back to the den.

***

I’m showered, dressed and booted. I sit in the recliner, foot up, to wait for Larry to finish getting ready to go out to lunch.

I lean back. I lean forward, looking for the newspaper.

No, I’ll just sit here.

I lean back.

I lean forward, reaching for the TV remote.

No, I’ll just sit here.

I’ll sit here and breathe. And listen to the tick of the clock.

***

I’m not a high-energy person. But I do tend to walk fast. In fact, I hate moving slowly. I feel like I’m wasting time.

Being in a boot and on crutches has slowed me way down. I can’t run up the steps. I can’t hurry down the hall. It’s a big change.

And one thing I didn’t realize about myself was how much I moved around. I may be at home watching something on TV, but I’m up at every commercial, sometimes before the commercial, going into other parts of the house, doing this, doing that.

Even when I’m sitting reading, I get up often to get something to drink, see what’s going on in the rest of the house, get on the computer or do some other activity.

Just sitting is hard for me. I think anxiety plays into that.

But it’s become more necessary to be still. If I move around, I need to use the crutches. And if I don’t make time for the crutches, I’m putting more pressure on the healing bone.

So I’m staying in one place for longer periods of time. I’m still moving around, but I’m trying to be OK with sitting for a little while without having to get up.

And that sums up what I’m doing: trying to be OK with being slower.

There are good things about being slower:

*I’m relaxing a bit more.

*I’m able to stay in the moment longer.

*My attention feels less scattered.

Do you ever feel the need to slow down your life? What benefits have you experienced from slowing down?

Anxiety and a broken foot

I took a step forward in taking care of my physical health, and I ended up wearing a new boot.

In my last post, I wrote about the need I had to take care of my physical health. One of the problems I’d been experiencing was ongoing pain in my right foot.

I finally called my family doctor’s office Friday. They are in a temporary office location while a new facility is being built, so they are without on-site x-ray services. They suggested I go to a related practice that sees walk-in patients.

I went there Sunday and after they did x-rays, they told me that I had fractured the fifth metatarsal in my foot. They think it’s a stress fracture.

They outfitted me with a boot to keep the foot immobilized and will call me, probably today, with a referral to an orthopedic doctor.

As I sat in the exam room at the doctor’s office, waiting for them to finish all the paperwork, I could feel anxiety start building up. I admit that I let the anxiety take over for a while.

*It’s not safe to drive while wearing the boot. I drive fairly often for my job. I don’t want Larry to have to drive me everywhere I need to go for work. If I drive, I have to take the boot off. Will that hurt my foot more? How can I balance out the driving?

*How will I keep the boot clean? I thought immediately of the public bathroom at work. The floor doesn’t always look clean. How will I deal with that?

*What if I have to have a cast? How will I manage showering?

*The weather forecasters are calling for rain, sleet and snow on Wednesday. If I have my orthopedic doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, will I be able to get there?

*I did some Internet research on foot fractures. The need for surgery seems very unlikely. But what if I do need it? How will I work that out with my job?

Of course, these worries are based on fear of the unknown, fear of what might happen, on what ifs.

When I managed to push off the anxiety long enough to really think about my fears, I realized that I was worrying about things that might not happen.

If they did happen, I would adapt. I’ve adapted before. I can do it again.

*The orthopedic doctor can advise me on driving. I’ll work it out.

*Many years ago, I had bunion surgery and had to wear a light boot. I wore it everywhere I needed to, even in public places. I adapted.

*Several years ago, I had to wear a bandage on my hand for weeks to protect a bad cut. I had to cover it to take a shower. I adapted.

*I can reschedule a doctor’s appointment if that’s necessary. I’ve done it before.

*The orthopedic doctor will know what needs to be done to help the foot heal. I’ll adapt to the treatment he or she recommends.

I’m looking forward to healing and getting back to normal. If I have to adapt along the way, then that’s what I’ll do.

When have you had to adapt to changing circumstances? How did you manage to do it?