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| Chase Bird relaxing in the sun on the enclosed porch. |
My anxiety is high, and I can’t
seem to relax. That’s what I’ve been like for a while. I finally settled things
with the job hunt, but I’m still in a time of change, and that raises my
anxiety.
My last day with the newspaper is
this Friday. Then I have nearly two weeks off before starting my new job.
It’s a busy time this week at the
paper. I’m covering the first workshop the county supervisors have after
receiving the proposed budget for the next fiscal year. That’s always a tough
story to write, full of numbers and proposed changes and different opinions from
the supervisors about how to fund the county. That’s Tuesday.
Then on Wednesday, a first-degree
murder trial is scheduled, and I’ll be covering that.
And all week, I’ll be trying to
put things in order for my editor and the other staff writer. The corporate
office of the company that owns our newspaper has decided that my position is
not going to be filled. So all of my work is being passed on to my editor and
my co-staff writer. I’m doing the best I can to help them with contact
information, a calendar of upcoming court trials, and background information to
aid in the transition.
I know that I shouldn’t, but I’ve
been feeling guilty about leaving my co-workers in that position, with all that
work.
I’m not very happy with myself for
letting the anxiety get to me like it has. I know so many ways to deal with
anxiety. I guess knowing something intellectually is not the same as being able
to put it into practice.
I did have a bit of a breakthrough
Sunday. I used my phone to join a Facebook gathering to listen to classical
music. At first, it was difficult for me to just sit and listen. I wanted to be
busy doing something else at the same time.
But I recognized that I needed to
just sit and listen, no matter how uncomfortable I felt. I finally relaxed a
little and enjoyed the music.
I’m going to have to put effort
into having more moments like that this week. Isn’t that strange—to have to put
effort into relaxing? I think the
idea of effort is really being willing to make myself uncomfortable for a bit,
like I did Sunday. Making the choice to stop for just a few minutes.
I will be back on the blog next
Monday, April 20. To all my friends who have blogs, I am so sorry that I haven’t
visited much lately. I appreciate you staying in touch with me.
