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| Chase Bird relaxing in the sun on the enclosed porch. |
My anxiety is high, and I can’t
seem to relax. That’s what I’ve been like for a while. I finally settled things
with the job hunt, but I’m still in a time of change, and that raises my
anxiety.
My last day with the newspaper is
this Friday. Then I have nearly two weeks off before starting my new job.
It’s a busy time this week at the
paper. I’m covering the first workshop the county supervisors have after
receiving the proposed budget for the next fiscal year. That’s always a tough
story to write, full of numbers and proposed changes and different opinions from
the supervisors about how to fund the county. That’s Tuesday.
Then on Wednesday, a first-degree
murder trial is scheduled, and I’ll be covering that.
And all week, I’ll be trying to
put things in order for my editor and the other staff writer. The corporate
office of the company that owns our newspaper has decided that my position is
not going to be filled. So all of my work is being passed on to my editor and
my co-staff writer. I’m doing the best I can to help them with contact
information, a calendar of upcoming court trials, and background information to
aid in the transition.
I know that I shouldn’t, but I’ve
been feeling guilty about leaving my co-workers in that position, with all that
work.
I’m not very happy with myself for
letting the anxiety get to me like it has. I know so many ways to deal with
anxiety. I guess knowing something intellectually is not the same as being able
to put it into practice.
I did have a bit of a breakthrough
Sunday. I used my phone to join a Facebook gathering to listen to classical
music. At first, it was difficult for me to just sit and listen. I wanted to be
busy doing something else at the same time.
But I recognized that I needed to
just sit and listen, no matter how uncomfortable I felt. I finally relaxed a
little and enjoyed the music.
I’m going to have to put effort
into having more moments like that this week. Isn’t that strange—to have to put
effort into relaxing? I think the
idea of effort is really being willing to make myself uncomfortable for a bit,
like I did Sunday. Making the choice to stop for just a few minutes.
I will be back on the blog next
Monday, April 20. To all my friends who have blogs, I am so sorry that I haven’t
visited much lately. I appreciate you staying in touch with me.
You are doing great! Switching jobs is quite a change. I am not quite where I want to be to start seriously looking for a job--last time I looked some, I started feeling tense. Things will settle down after a while and of course you know all kinds of ways to deal with it in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteLove the cute kitty! I wish you good luck on your new job! Some times change can be good. I have to make myself relax or wind down too. Have a happy new week ahead!
ReplyDeletei can certainly understand the guilt you're feeling about your editor and co-reporter. that's going to be tough on them, for sure, BUT it is not your fault. still, i completely understand feeling responsible. it will be a tough week, and i have the feeling the next 2 weeks won't be all that relaxing for you, either. you'll be fielding questions from the newspaper (there's always a few) and you'll still be stressed about starting your new position. but, yes, you deserve some downtime. and you need it. :)
ReplyDeleteI have a similar guilt complex over things like that. It'll work out though, for everyone. I hope the anxiety eases off soon.
ReplyDeleteI totally get what you're going through. I have the same problems with change, no matter how good the change is. And, although this may not help, you're not the one who put your coworkers in this position...the newspaper did. I'm one to talk, because I still take on things that aren't my fault. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteyou would not be the person you are, if you did not worry about the co-workers you are leaving. use the tools you have to relieve some of that anxiety. it will be easier when everything is settled, keep that thought close!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's good that you are in tune with yourself and know when you're tense and anxious and also when things turn blue.Have a good week and don't worry about visiting . I appreciate visits but I understand when you can't make it.
ReplyDeleteTransitions are tough! You'll get through this :).
ReplyDeletePutting an effort into relaxing is not a strange concept to me. I used to have to do it all the time. Sometimes, even now, when things get over planned. I'm glad you have the time off before the new job begins.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of the FB meet-up and listening to music -- something you can do on your own if the guilts don't get you. And something else is just spending quiet time petting your sweet Chase Bird. The purr vibrations are very soothing and no guilt there in giving kitty love!
Tina, it will be fine. Your paper will get by and when they realize how much you did, they will hire someone eventually. Savor your last days and then rest.
I hope your anxiety eases soon. I understand how you feel and have gone through similar times after leaving volunteer position. But, you have to take care of YOU...how's that song go...oh yeah...Let it go, Let it go...ok..I'll stop there. Have a wonderful two weeks off and don't worry, it will all come out in the wash.
ReplyDeleteI so resonate with "working hard at relaxing" and learning to listen to myself and respecting my energy levels has been a challenge. Kitties are admirable role models in complete relaxation.
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