Anxiety and slowing down



Sam enjoys slowing down a bit by lying in her new bed.



It’s possible to find a lesson in any situation, and the situation with my broken foot is providing plenty of lessons. One of them is the importance of slowing down.

There are 14 steps up the front of my office building. There’s a ramp in back, but it’s a long one, and it takes me seemingly forever to go up it using crutches. I’ve got my protective, giant boot on. So I’m taking the steps.

The steps seem too narrow to properly use the crutches, so I hold on to the railing and start up. My husband comes behind me, carrying my purse, camera bag and crutches.

“Take one step at a time,” he says. “That way, you’re not putting all your weight on your bad foot.”

Oh, one step at a time. One step at a time? That will take forever.

But I do it. Good foot up, bad foot up. Next step: good foot up, bad foot up. All the way to the top.

***

I sit watching TV in the den with Larry. Commercial time. I get up and check something on the computer.

Back to the den. I watch the show. Then I think about a soda.

I get up again and hobble into the kitchen.

Back to the den. Commercial time. I get up and go to the bedroom and put on my sweatpants.

Back to the den.

***

I’m showered, dressed and booted. I sit in the recliner, foot up, to wait for Larry to finish getting ready to go out to lunch.

I lean back. I lean forward, looking for the newspaper.

No, I’ll just sit here.

I lean back.

I lean forward, reaching for the TV remote.

No, I’ll just sit here.

I’ll sit here and breathe. And listen to the tick of the clock.

***

I’m not a high-energy person. But I do tend to walk fast. In fact, I hate moving slowly. I feel like I’m wasting time.

Being in a boot and on crutches has slowed me way down. I can’t run up the steps. I can’t hurry down the hall. It’s a big change.

And one thing I didn’t realize about myself was how much I moved around. I may be at home watching something on TV, but I’m up at every commercial, sometimes before the commercial, going into other parts of the house, doing this, doing that.

Even when I’m sitting reading, I get up often to get something to drink, see what’s going on in the rest of the house, get on the computer or do some other activity.

Just sitting is hard for me. I think anxiety plays into that.

But it’s become more necessary to be still. If I move around, I need to use the crutches. And if I don’t make time for the crutches, I’m putting more pressure on the healing bone.

So I’m staying in one place for longer periods of time. I’m still moving around, but I’m trying to be OK with sitting for a little while without having to get up.

And that sums up what I’m doing: trying to be OK with being slower.

There are good things about being slower:

*I’m relaxing a bit more.

*I’m able to stay in the moment longer.

*My attention feels less scattered.

Do you ever feel the need to slow down your life? What benefits have you experienced from slowing down?