One of the tasks assigned in Jonathan Grayson’s Freedom from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty is to create a cost-benefit analysis of why we are choosing to go through treatment for OCD versus not going through treatment.
This exercise has been valuable for me. I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety and discomfort from just reading about what I will have to do to get better.
Plus I have had the anxiety that goes with exposing myself to some of my fears and preventing myself from ritualizing in response.
It has been helpful to me to pull out my cost-benefit analysis and remind myself why I’m doing this.
Basically the cost-benefit analysis gets you to examine the advantages and disadvantages of going through treatment and not going through treatment.
Here’s mine:
Accepting Treatment
Advantages
- I won’t have the near-constant anxiety of OCD.
- I will learn to live with uncertainty.
- I will have more time to do the things I’m meant to do, like write.
- I won’t have to spend time doing rituals.
- I’ll feel better about myself.
- I’ll be stronger emotionally.
Disadvantages
- It will take time.
- It will be difficult.
- It will make me uncomfortable.
- If I take it to formal therapy, I’ll have to continue therapy and continue that cost.
- It might not work.
Refusing Treatment
Advantages
- I won’t have to take the time to do the work.
- I won’t have to go through the difficulty of trying to change.
- I won’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work.
Disadvantages
- I’ll spend time doing the rituals.
- I’ll have less time to do the things I want and need to do.
- I’ll have the anxiety of OCD.
- I’ll struggle with living with uncertainty.
I've certainly been in situations where I've weighed the "pros and cons," so I guess that's cost-benefit analysis. While I find this method helpful, there are times when decisions just come down to my gut feeling, what I know is the right thing to do.
ReplyDeleteJanet, I don't usually write things down to make a decision, either. Sometimes the gut knows! :-) What I've found helpful with this exercise is looking at my list when I'm questioning my decision.
DeleteI have never sat down to make a list like yours, but I weigh the pro's and cons on the moments I'm confronted with the rituals and need to apply the ERP. What mostly helps me at those times is that I know that I will be very disappointed in myself if I don't push through.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you will manage Tina. The first steps are very hard, but it truly becomes easier each time you practice the ERP. It really really works. I've been busy for quite some time now and the last few weeks have really been great. It's still not easy, don't think it will ever be, but it's definitely easier. It's like pulling the sting out of it.
Thank you, Klaaske, for your encouragement--it helps! What I've done so far does get easier with practice.
DeleteSounds like a thorough and thoughtful list! Your bravery never ceases to inspire.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first went into treatment for GAD, I said to my therapist, "If giving up anxiety means I give up my creativity, I won't do it." I was so afraid that if I got well, I wouldn't write anymore. My therapist took me through a lovely visualization where I communicated with the creative part of myself and promised to protect her. It was a powerful moment I'll never forget, and I have kept my promises to my muse.
Years later, I still feel a lot of fear, but it doesn't run my life. I have more energy, and yes, I write more, not less.
Nadine, Thank you for your kindness. I have wondered if getting rid of my anxiety (or the majority of it) would take energy away from me, but I'm learning that anxiety actually drags me down and I don't have the energy to do things I want to do, including creative things. I think it's wonderful and inspiring that fear doesn't run your life and you do have the energy to accomplish so many good things!
DeleteTina, I hope you know just how many friends/fans/supporters you have. You are the one who has to do the hard work, but we all support your efforts and applaud your bravery in sharing your journey with us. I have no doubt that you will make the change you are hoping for so you can do more of the things you love doing.
ReplyDeleteI have often used a cost/benefit or pros/cons list when I have had to make an important decision. It's good to put it all down on paper--especially if you are a visual person.
Becky, thank you so much for your wonderfully supportive comment! I appreciate it.
DeleteI am a visual learner, so maybe that's why it has helped me to look back at the list of advantages and disadvantages when I've felt my enthusiasm wane.
I really like your list. I can see that it would be a great motivator to keep fighting. I did not do a list like that formally, but my doc would ask me questions in sessions to get me thinking along those lines. One thing she would say to me all the time was, "You're in terrible pain already. Why not be in the kind of pain that at least is beneficial and contributes to your recovery?" When she put it in those terms, the cost/benefit analysis was pretty easy to assess - basically, what did I have to lose by pushing forward, other than losing my anxiety?
ReplyDeleteSunny, I love what your counselor said about being in pain. That makes so much sense. You're right--what do I have to lose other than my anxiety?
DeleteI have never tried this, but I have made a list of pros/cons before.
ReplyDeleteI've done the pros and cons before, too, even if only mentally.
DeleteSeems like anxiety and time are on both sides. But OCD anxiety and time will continue, treatment anxiety and time will be time limited. And easy choice!
ReplyDeleteJodi, you are so right! Thanks for making it so clear! :-)
DeleteI like what Jodi said as well. Either way there will be some anxiety. But if you do this, the anxiety should lessen. Keep up the good work, Tina.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kristina. You're right. I'd rather have the chance at lessening anxiety.
DeleteI've done that at some point, and it was helpful for my motivation. This latest round, I've more done it in my head in a short version. Do I want to put up with this OCD issue, or do I want to fight it, probably lessening it. But it's good to remember the longer, written out version, too. Maybe I should try that, since I've been having some motivation issues for actually making time for ERP and getting started.
ReplyDeleteAbigail, I think it does help my motivation to see this in writing and to be able to go back and look at it, and sometimes my motivation needs work!
DeleteThe spam has gotten better since I added the word verification back, but I am still getting some, too.
PS - Interesting to see that you've been getting spam, too. I also added back the word verification for that reason, and I STILL got spam, but not nearly as much.
ReplyDeleteFunny enough - I'm getting lots of spam too- but for some reason they are spamming my older posts and anything older than 2 weeks old has to be approved by me before it gets posted, so at least I'm able to delete them before they show up.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting most of the spam on my older posts, too. Strange.
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