Monday, October 15, 2012

In memory of my sweet Wa


Waddles in 2003.


I spent her last night on the floor beside her. She was on a pad in the large hallway in our house, right outside our bedroom where she also had a pad.
She had made it to the other side of the house early in the evening of that last night, all the way into the den to sit by my husband on the couch until I got home from work.
At some point that evening, she could no longer stand.
I put a blanket and pillow down on the floor beside her, not wanting to be far from her because she periodically woke up and cried. I wanted to be close so I could comfort her.
Waddles had chronic kidney insufficiency, arthritis, a heart murmur, low potassium and low iron.
She was 21 years old.
During that last night, I knew it would be her last. I knew that I would have to call the vet in the morning and talk with her about the end.
I knew that I couldn’t keep her when she was suffering.
I knew I was going to have to give her up.

And we did give her up. Larry and I took her to the vet’s office that morning and held her and talked with her as the vet gave her the medications that could not heal her, but lifted her suffering.

When Larry and I returned home, I immediately lost any composure I’d had. I immediately doubted that I had done the right thing.

That was Oct. 13, 2011. I can’t believe a year has gone by since we lost our sweet Wa.

She was a beautiful half-Persian, black and white girl. Her voice was sweet and melodic, only demanding when she was hungry or scared.
She was very dignified. She would sit with perfect posture, her front paws crossed.
She liked to play with toys that we swung near her with a small fishing pole toy. She liked to bat at them and grab them and roll on her side, conquering the toy mouse.
She had some stuffed toys that came with her when I adopted her. She mostly ignored them when we were around, but we’d come into a room where she was sometimes and find the toys moved from one place to another.
She was a thoughtful eater. She’d eat a little, then pause and think about it, then eat a little more, then walk away for a while, then return and eat more.
She was a plucky girl, learning to live with new cats when Larry and I got married. She could hiss and then walk away with great dignity.

Waddles helped me break though my fear of being responsible for another creature. She helped me with my contamination OCD. I could clean up kitty messes without a thought.

I miss her every day. Sometimes the grief has overwhelmed me, and I think my heart will burst from the pain.
   I am forever grateful for my sweet baby Wa. And I will love her forever.

25 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. Pets have such a special place in our hearts, they are much more than pets, but turn into family. They teach us so much. Your Wa sounds like such a great cat! I am sure she will be in your heart always.

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    1. Thank you, Yaya. Waddles was definitely part of the family!

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  2. I am glad Waddles was in your life Tina. Totally know how hard it is to let go of a pet, but to release them from suffering may be a great gift that we can give to them. That is what our Vet told us when we had to let Zoe go. I still expect to see Zoe Rose greet us when we walk in the door .. what amazing love pets give us.

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    1. Thank you for sharing what your vet said, Krystal Lynn. I'll try to remember that.

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  3. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I'm glad Waddles was able to bless your life for two decades.

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    1. Thank you, Elizabeth. I had her for 11 1/2 years of her life, but I'm thankful for the time!

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  4. Oh Tina - I don't even know what to say. I'm so very, very sorry. I love my baby girl Anna so much, so I can completely understand the depth of your pain. In fact, I was just thinking the other day about how old my girl is getting and wondering how I would be able to handle her passing.

    Wa was so beautiful and fluffy. Anna does the cross-pawed thing too. Love that.

    I'm sorry you felt conflicted about letting her go. I understand that too - as we had a 4 month old puppy that had a serious liver issue and we had to let her go too. Sometimes, I still doubt we did the right thing - I get it. But I think you did exactly the right thing - you brought her suffering to an end. You did what was hard and painful for you, but it was the best thing for her. That is what I call true love.

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    1. Thank you, Sunny. It was hard and painful, but we tried to think of her and her suffering. We didn't want it to continue. When I think of it that way, I know we did the right thing.

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  5. Time goes by so fast. I can't believe it has been 8 months since my mother died and 1 since Boots died. I miss both of them badly. I will be like you in a few months.

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    1. Jen, you have been through so much in less than a year. You are a strong person!

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  6. I'm so sorry you lost your cat Tina.
    I will miss mine a lot too when she's gone, as she's not only a wonderful cat, but the last one we'll have. My daughter in law is incredibly allergic for all animals and breaks out in soars when she gets in a house where animals are being kept. So she can never visit us or have a meal here. So we decided when our beautiful kitty has passed on we will not get another one.
    Cannot imagine my life without a cat though, it will be so hard!

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    1. Klaaske, I'm sorry that you won't be able to have another cat. They are so precious! That's a shame your daughter-in-law is so allergic.

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  7. You never forget a friend that special. I have one I still miss that I had to put down 15 years ago. She was such a beautiful cat - amazing that she had such a long and full life!

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    1. Lisa, they are truly friends and part of the family, aren't they?

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  8. What a beautiful tribute to Waddles! It's so hard to say goodbye to a beloved pet, and no matter how many years go by, they are missed.

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    1. Thank you, Nadine. It was so hard. You're right--the missing part doesn't go away.

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  9. A year is "no time" when dealing with the loss of a loved one...whether human or not. You and Waddles were lucky to have each other, and I'm sure she knew how much you loved her. I'm so sorry for your loss. She obviously meant the world to you.

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    1. Thank you, Janet, she did mean the world to me. I hope she knew how much she was loved. Larry adored her, too.

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  10. Awe! what a precious kitty she was. And a wonderful blessing to/for her momma (you). I know that it is such a hard thing when our pets pass on. I do like to believe there is a kitty heaven : )

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    1. Thank you, Deanna. I like to believe there's a heaven for kitties, too.

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  11. Tina, I'm so grateful for the presence Waddles had (and still has) in your life, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I've lost 2 dear cats and a dog, 2 before their time, and I still ache for them sometimes. Pets are family.

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment. Waddles definitely still has a presence in my life.

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  12. Oh Tina, She gave you so much and you gave her so much, especially in the end, being with her loving her so. As long as she is connected to your soul, you will not be without her

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    1. Thank you, Jodi, I still feel connected to her.

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  13. I am so afraid of having a pet, not to have to live this moment. I feel i woudn't be able to handle it. I'm sorry, I know how painful it is.

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