The medications that I take for OCD, depression and anxiety are powerful. They have the ability to help me live a more fulfilling life. They also have the power to make it difficult to do the simple things that make for a fulfilling life.
I’ve always had a respect for the medications I take, and I have learned anew just why I have that respect.
It’s a feeling that I literally can’t sit still, that I must move. I’ve been unable to settle down to a task, especially if it’s one where I have to remain still while doing it. I’ve been having a difficult time focusing on one thing at a time.
I haven’t been reading like I love to do because I have such a hard time concentrating. I have stacks of unread books, on my shelves and in my Nook.
It has even been difficult to do a sudoku puzzle, something that usually is rather meditative for me. I start a puzzle and less than a minute later, I want to get up and look for something else to do.
I have an unfinished scarf that I’ve been crocheting.
I’ve had a hard time writing at work and on this blog.
At home, especially in the evening, I’ve felt like time was stretching out in front of me, waiting to be filled, but I didn’t know what to do to fill it. Settling into a task has seemed too difficult.
On a recent evening, I decided to meditate. It wasn’t pretty. I managed to sit for 10 minutes, but I kept shifting my position, and I was able to focus on my breath only a few times.
My psychiatrist said the restlessness was likely a side effect of one of the medications that I’d been on for about six months as kind of an adjunct to my main antidepressant.
I was noticing the symptoms when I was on a low dose of the medication, and the doctor thought that increasing the dose might relieve the symptoms.
Apparently, that works for some people, but not with me.
And some people have a wonderful experience with this medication. Not me.
Last week, he decided to take me off the medication, and I cut down gradually. Now I’m off of it completely, and I’m already noticing an improvement in the restlessness.
My doctor talked about increasing the dose of the main antidepressant I’m on, or switching me to another, because in the past I have tended to feel a lack of energy or fatigue on the medication I’m on now.
But I’ve been on the antidepressant for three years, and I like how this medication handles the depression and the anxiety. I’ve felt good overall on it.
So I told him that I wanted to stay on the same antidepressant and the same dose, at least for a while, to see how it goes.
I am all for medication when it’s needed, and I believe I need it, but at this point, I’m tired of trying new combinations. I want to rest a while on the current medication and give it a chance again.
Have you ever had a negative experience with a medication?