The medications that I take for OCD, depression and anxiety are powerful. They have the ability to help me live a more fulfilling life. They also have the power to make it difficult to do the simple things that make for a fulfilling life.
I’ve always had a respect for the medications I take, and I have learned anew just why I have that respect.
***
It’s a feeling that I literally can’t sit still, that I must move. I’ve been unable to settle down to a task, especially if it’s one where I have to remain still while doing it. I’ve been having a difficult time focusing on one thing at a time.
I haven’t been reading like I love to do because I have such a hard time concentrating. I have stacks of unread books, on my shelves and in my Nook.
It has even been difficult to do a sudoku puzzle, something that usually is rather meditative for me. I start a puzzle and less than a minute later, I want to get up and look for something else to do.
I have an unfinished scarf that I’ve been crocheting.
I’ve had a hard time writing at work and on this blog.
At home, especially in the evening, I’ve felt like time was stretching out in front of me, waiting to be filled, but I didn’t know what to do to fill it. Settling into a task has seemed too difficult.
On a recent evening, I decided to meditate. It wasn’t pretty. I managed to sit for 10 minutes, but I kept shifting my position, and I was able to focus on my breath only a few times.
***
My psychiatrist said the restlessness was likely a side effect of one of the medications that I’d been on for about six months as kind of an adjunct to my main antidepressant.
I was noticing the symptoms when I was on a low dose of the medication, and the doctor thought that increasing the dose might relieve the symptoms.
Apparently, that works for some people, but not with me.
And some people have a wonderful experience with this medication. Not me.
Last week, he decided to take me off the medication, and I cut down gradually. Now I’m off of it completely, and I’m already noticing an improvement in the restlessness.
My doctor talked about increasing the dose of the main antidepressant I’m on, or switching me to another, because in the past I have tended to feel a lack of energy or fatigue on the medication I’m on now.
But I’ve been on the antidepressant for three years, and I like how this medication handles the depression and the anxiety. I’ve felt good overall on it.
So I told him that I wanted to stay on the same antidepressant and the same dose, at least for a while, to see how it goes.
I am all for medication when it’s needed, and I believe I need it, but at this point, I’m tired of trying new combinations. I want to rest a while on the current medication and give it a chance again.
Have you ever had a negative experience with a medication?
I'm so sorry you have been feeling so poorly. It's such a hit and miss with medications, and the cocktails and tweaks are sometimes too much to deal with. I hope you feel better soon and am glad to hear that you were weaned off and the symptoms of restlessness have decreased.
ReplyDeleteAnd to answer your question - if there is an adverse reaction to meds, I've had it! So I feel your pain. :(
Ally, thank you. I am feeling better. I usually tolerate medicines pretty well, so this was an unwelcome occurrence.
DeleteThe whole medication thing is such a delicate balance. It's unfortunate, too, that some meds work well for a while then don't, or there are side effects, or something that makes these constant adjustments necessary.
ReplyDeleteI've had doctors put me on antidepressant meds, but I could never tolerate them. I'm fortunate that I can function well without them. I have a family member who has to go through these periodic adjustments, and it's a real struggle for her sometimes. She recently found a combination that works, but now her insurance has changed, and she may not be able to afford it! It's hard to watch her go through this.
Nadine, periodic adjustments have been necessary for me along the way, and they are hard to deal with sometimes. I'm sorry about your family member who's having the problems. It's so disheartening when there are insurance problems.
DeleteThey certainly can have undesirable side effects. It sounds like a smart choice to go off this one. I hope you continue to feel better.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lisa. When the side effects outweighed the benefits, then I knew it was time to go off the med.
DeleteHope you continue to feel better.....sounds like you are making the right choices for yourself.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Janet, I think it's the right choice. I'm feeling better already.
Deletesometimes side effects are just too much to handle, and are not worth it. so glad you have been able to come out of the restlessness, and begin to enjoy things in your life again!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Messy Musings, I appreciate it. These side effects were definitely too much to handle and not worth the better effects of the medication.
DeleteOh man, this post brought up so many bad memories for me. I had some terrible, terrible reactions to medications (mostly side effects, but some that made my obsessions go out of control, and one that I had an allergic reaction to and almost died). I HATE the search for the right meds. Sounds like you're making a wise choice for yourself, Tina. Proud of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jackie. It sounds like you have had some tough reactions, especially the allergic reaction.
DeleteI have had a negative experience with medication once - and it was a nightmare! Unfortunately though, there's no way to know unless you try the medication.
ReplyDeleteKeith, you make a good point--you can't know how you'll react until you take it, and that's kind of scary. I'm glad I didn't stay on this one any longer than I did.
DeleteTina, hope you keep feeling better. I had horrible reactions to the first two medications attempted by doctors for my OCD/depression. I think we each have a delicate individual chemistry for which some med's just fit and others do not. My bad experiences were so awful that it made me cautious about attempting new medications, I hope I am not missing out on taking something that would greatly improve my life but for now I am content. (I also feel like I am personally going to have swings on any medication..the old OCD waxing and waning)
ReplyDeleteI had a kidney stone a few years ago and they gave me a shot of something to ease the pain and within 10 minutes I felt so restless that I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I literally felt like I could not even get comfortable or lay still for a second in the hospital bed - it was awful.
Krystal Lynn, thank you, I am feeling better. That sounds like an awful experience with the meds they gave you for the kidney stone. That feeling of restlessness is horrible.
DeleteI'm all for medication, but this is the reason I try to treat my issues holistically...the experimentation of this med with that med and what's causing what symptom and what is or is not helping this condition just upset me so much and had my head so mixed up and unsettled, I didn't feel I could bear it anymore. I'm aware some people don't have that luxury, and I'm not ruling out eventually going back on meds myself, but I sure hate the trial-and-error that goes with it.
ReplyDeleteJean, the trial and error is no fun. Fortunately, I've been on this one antidepressant for three years, and I like how it works. I have not noticed any bad side effects, except some fatigue, which I'm going to try to manage in a variety of ways.
DeleteHope that somehow the medication you're on will do it's work Tina. I am on antidepressants now and they didn't work too well, so I got something else with it. Had horrible side effects, and stopped and then the original dose of antidepressants, on their own, did the job just fine. So it changed somehow. Hope it does for you too!
ReplyDeleteI also got epileptic fits from Anafranyl, which is a good medicine for OCD, and they only found out after I had had 4 fits! Taught me it's pretty strong stuff that we're taking!
Klaaske, yes, it is pretty strong stuff! That's terrible that you had such a bad time with Anafranyl.
DeleteUsing the combo of behavior and meds is a good approach. Remember, even medicine benefits from belief! Believe it is possible to have full healing from this. Start by being easy on yourself!
ReplyDeleteJodi, thank you--these are good ideas!
DeleteI hear you about wanting to rest a bit. After I got of the Seroquel and Geodon that were just really bad for me that I was taking last winter and spring, I spent several months on just Lexapro. Then once I felt stronger and more myself... my symptoms begane to flare again (insomnia, panic etc.) so after several months, I started on Effexor. I love how it works. I'm up to 150mg of that and I feel like it is really helping.
ReplyDeleteIt may be worth it to rest for a few months before trying something new. That way, your body and mind will be ready for the experience rather than doing one after another which can be mighty frustrating.
Elizabeth, you make a good point about being in the right frame of mind before making changes. Thanks for your wise words.
DeleteI'm glad you were able to get that figured out.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kristina.
DeleteYes, I was on a medication once that I knew in my body was not helping me and was not good for me. I got off of it as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteGalen, I like how you put that: you knew in your body. I think many times our bodies let us know when something is not right or needs changing.
DeleteYes, I relate to your wanting to just stick with the medication and dose you are on. When I'm not feeling too badly or too frustrated with how I'm feeling, I tend to want to stay the same, too (well, now that I've given up wanting to get off it the moment I feel better for a few weeks). Trying new medications is such a gamble - still worth taking, when needed, though, and when you find what works, it is great. But the wrong ones aren't so fun. I've gotten migraines from two antidepressants and one antipsychotic (mood stabilizer) made me incredibly sleepy - I felt better almost immediately when I stopped that really sleepy med.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're feeling better, and I hope your current medication and dose works out!
Thank you, Abigail. I agree that it is a gamble to try new medications because we just don't know how our bodies will react. You're right--it's a gamble worth taking when needed. I have gotten so much help from medication.
DeleteGood Afternoon Tina!!
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful to read this post. Thanks so much for being so open to share some details about the medicines you take. For some I know that this isn't something they like to share about.
Isn't the 'world' of medicine something, espeicially for mental illness. I guess however, that other medicines for like thyroid or diabetes can be just as challenging.
It's hard though, mental illness is hard. But, I am thanfkul that there are medicines available to help us. I was just pondering a bit ago that this time last year I was in the hospital, -mutiple times. *I really do contribute that my wellness is due to the medicines that I am on, and whole heartedly believe that they are from God's hand to my body.
Thanks for sharing!!
Deanna
Thank you, Deanna. I am so thankful for the medications that have helped me, too! You make a good point. Medications that people take for physical problems like diabetes can be problematic, too.
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