As I write this, it’s snowing outside, and I love it.
We haven’t had significant snow yet this winter, and I’ve been yearning for it. I love watching the snow as it falls, especially as it falls in the dark, as it is now.
I’m taking pleasure in the beauty of nature. I’m finally able to feel something besides the deadness that has been inside of me.
I was able to see both my therapist and my psychiatrist this week, and it was such a relief. It has been weeks since I’ve been able to match my schedule up with theirs.
I was able to talk about how low I’ve been, about what might be causing this downslide.
My therapist said it was probably a combination of the recent change in medication and an upsetting encounter I had in December that left me feeling helpless.
My psychiatrist increased the dosage of the medication that I’m still on. I was relieved not to have to start on a different one because I’ve tolerated the one I’m on quite well.
The increase in dosage hasn’t had time to work yet, but I’m feeling a bit better just from seeing my medical team and from all the little things I’ve been doing to help the depression.
I’m thinking more clearly. Though much of my thinking is still negative, I’m catching myself more quickly and trying to set my mind on more positive things.
And sometimes it’s just a matter of distracting myself with a book or a conversation or action.
Tonight it has been the snow.
As soon as it really started to pour, my husband suggested going out to eat. He loves to drive in the snow.
So we climbed into his truck and drove to our favorite restaurant. After eating, we walked back out into the falling snow.
I stood in the parking lot and looked straight up. A million snowflakes fell out of the dark straight towards me. I let them land on my face and chill it before I straightened up and walked to the truck.
What has given you joy lately?