Recently, my therapist and I talked about the difficulty I was having in doing some of the things that we knew would help my mood, such as exercising.
He has told me before that action comes before motivation.
During this conversation, he put it a little differently.
He said people who are happy don’t go around feeling happy all the time.
What they do, he said, is choose to do things according to their values. They do things that are meaningful to them, that make their lives meaningful.
Which, for me, begs the question, what are my values?
Of course, I can tell you my basic values. I believe in loving my neighbor, in treating others with goodness, in not doing things like stealing and lying.
But how am I allowing those values to filter down into my everyday life, my everyday choices?
If I choose to exercise, what is my value behind that? If I choose to have a positive attitude, what is my value behind that?
I’m especially focused on this right now because of my new work schedule and the new choices I’ll have about how to spend my time.
I think I can work on clarifying my values in two ways. Both include writing.
I can write down what I think my values are.
And I can write down how I spend my time and how I want to spend my time, and see how my values align with that.
I believe that by being able to name my values, I’ll be able to make better choices in the things I do.
I’ll let you know how it goes!
How aware are you of your values as you make your daily choices?
I can't wait to hear how it goes.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I am very aware of my values and the decisions that I make are very affected by that. I think for me it's just been something that has come naturally, maybe it has to do with the way that I was brought up (in a very strict home where I was taught all of my actions had a consequence.)
I think this will work for you, wish you luck and can't wait to hear how it goes.
Thank you, Yaya. That's great that you can see the connection between your values and actions so clearly. I just need to take the time to "name" my values.
DeleteThis is a great plan I think! Figuring out how to apply those values to your every day life is the first step towards happiness.
ReplyDeleteKeith, thank you. I really want to be able to consciously apply my values. It might change some of the habits I have.
DeleteI think this is a huge insight that will prove useful over time. Here's an example of my values in action in daily life:
ReplyDeleteLately, as I may have mentioned, I have a neighbor problem that has escalated into a legal issue. It is deeply painful and distressing. It would be very easy to get swept up into the drama, but for the most part I've been able to disengage from it. I make doubly sure that I get regular exercise and frequent massages. I write and spend time working on my garden...because I value my health, my work, and feeding my family fresh, wholesome food. Some days it's easier to do this than others, but the days when I stay focused on what matters to me, the bully doesn't bother me at all.
Thank you, Nadine. I love your description of how your values come out in your daily activities. And staying focused on what matters: that's so important.
DeleteThis sounds like a great exercise, Tina, as you figure out how to spend your extra time. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to hearing what you discover.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Janet. I want to spend my extra time wisely.
DeleteInteresting that a post which started out talking about happy people ended up talking about values. Could it be that happy people are those who know what they value and live in a way that honors and reflects those values?
ReplyDeleteWendy, I believe the connection is there, and recognizing our values is an important step.
DeleteThe concept to "Do What You Love" seems so simple and yet it can be very complicated. I always told my children to choose a career based on what they love; not money or for any other reason because I wanted them to have a passion for their work. When you are doing something you love, it is a lot easier to get up in the morning and hit the "alarm off" button and if you work for 40-50 years why not love what you do? I know what I love to do; reading, baking, hiking, travel, etc. I am naturally drawn to these things and throughout the day when I am doing other things, I can't wait to get to them. OCD has a way of thwarting them though and I hate that..so where I fail, is letting OCD behaviors get in the way of me doing what I love.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have an awesome therapist and Tina I have to give you so much credit because you really take your therapist guidance and put it into action. You work really hard to take care of yourself. I admire you a lot for that.
Thank you, Krystal Lynn, for your kind words. The advice you gave your children is so wise. And I agree that it's simple but can be complicated.
DeleteWell that makes sense. I hope it goes well!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lisa. It will involve some work, but it will be worth it.
DeleteAh, this was something my psychologist and I talkede a lot about. She always said that motivation was way over-rated. I like how your doc refers you to think about your values. That is what my doc did too. If things are important to us, we certainly will pay more attention and give more effort to them. Good luck as you try to clarify this for yourself. It was very helpful for me. I'm still working on the specific details of my values, but I do know the big picture. That is a start.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sunny. Sounds like you have made a very good start. I will try to do the same!
DeleteYou gave me a lot to think about...it's easy to forget that happy people aren't always happy. I'm with Sunny; motivation is overrated! Great post. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jean. That's a good point--no one is happy all the time.
DeleteTina, those are thought stirring questions, regarding values. This post certainly got me thinking, writing them down is an excellent idea. I'm looking forward to your future post on this subject.
ReplyDeleteMadison:)
Thank you, Madison. Writing things down is such a help for me. It gives me something tangible to think about, change around, etc.
DeleteGod gave you a body, do you value this gift? Can you take care of it? Do you value freedom to be able bodied? Can you take action to give yourself the best potential to have this? Do you deserve to give this body the time it needs to keep itsef healthy?
ReplyDeleteThese are all good questions to ask myself, Jodi--for all of us to ask ourselves. Thank you for sharing them!
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