It was early morning, a Sunday, and I didn’t have to get up at any particular time. It was still dark outside. Larry had fed the cats, so they were full and ready to go back to sleep. The blankets had settled just so over me, and I was warm. It was quiet.
I love mornings like that, when it’s still dark and quiet.
I kept saying those words to myself. Dark and quiet. Dark and quiet.
I waited to drift off to sleep again.
But then the thoughts came. Intrusive thoughts. Thoughts about the past, about situations that hadn’t turned out the way I wanted. Thoughts about people who had said things that hurt me. Thoughts about all the things I needed to get done.
“You don’t have to think about these things,” I told myself.
Then I decided to change my wording.
“I don’t have to think about these things,” I said to myself.
I imagined that thought overlaying the other, painful thoughts.
“I don’t have to think about those people who hurt me. I don’t have to think about anger right now. I don’t have to worry now. It’s dark and it’s quiet.”
I believed that my conscious thoughts, what I was telling myself, could drown out the intrusive thoughts. I believed they could be stronger than the thoughts that made my heart beat faster and brought on the anxiety.
Thoughts come and go. I could choose the ones to pay attention to.
“I don’t have to think about these things.”
And I concentrated on the darkness and the quiet that surrounded me. I concentrated on the sounds I could hear. The clock ticking. What sounded like Chase Bird having another bite to eat. The almost-silence of the morning.
And I fell asleep.
How do you cope with unwanted thoughts?
I try to always put those kinds of thoughts into perspective when I have them. I try to tell myself that they are unreasonable thoughts and kind of "talk myself" back into more positive thoughts if that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteKeith, that makes sense. It's almost like we're having a dialogue with ourselves.
DeleteI'm still trying to figure out how to cope with unwanted thoughts LOL.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, you and me both. It's still a learning process for me as I try different things.
DeleteI don't. They definitely infect my brain sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good way to put it, Sharon--it does seem like they "infect" the brain.
DeleteThis is so simple but brilliant. I believe talking to yourself is a great method for controlling your negative thoughts. Replacing the negative (untrue) thought with a positive (true) thought also works for me. Or... doing something to distract me from the thought such as calling a friend, turning on some favorite music and singing to it or better still, dancing to it!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Wendy. Yes, I had good luck with trying to replace the negative thoughts. I like the idea of singing and dancing to distract ourselves! :-)
DeleteI often have intrusive thoughts in bed as well, when trying to fall asleep. The fact that my husband has no job and our future is so uncertain is a favorite one it seems. And I only waste time on it, for there is nothing my worrying or thinking about it is going to do to improve the situation.
ReplyDeleteSo I start fantasizing. I think of living on an island far away from all worry, with enough money and I only allow people on there that I like and don't hurt me. I think of what house I will have there, it will be warm but not too hot, no flies or other dirty bugs or snakes around etc etc. You can go very far with the details.
It's a bit hard to consciously start the fantasy and push out the unwanted thoughts, but with practice it really works! And I find it's fun to do too.
Klaaske, You are so right--worrying does nothing to improve a situation. I love the details that you go into in your fantasy. I can see how that would eventually take your mind away from intrusive thoughts. Thank you for sharing that.
DeleteI try to shift my thinking to all the positive and happy things in my life, and I am fortunate to have many....usually works, but not always!
ReplyDeleteJanet, that sounds like a very helpful and enjoyable way to get rid of negative thoughts. It's so easy to forget the happy things in our lives when we allow ourselves to be consumed by the negative.
Deletemy most unwanted thoughts for the past 30+ years deal with suicide. things like "how easy it would be to..." or "if you did, then the pain will be gone..." or even "no one will even notice or care about it for very long"
ReplyDeleteseparating myself from the situation - literally stepping back from the edge of a precipice - has been an innate and successful coping skill used for decades. focusing instead on something else. I have turned the radio volume up, sing loudly, and rolled down the windows or max the AC when driving. sometimes merely removing the temptation itself really helps - things like properly disposing of leftover pain meds. and as Klaaske mentioned here, fantasizing about something pleasant that you have control over can also be of great help. redirection away from unwanted (and false) thoughts is the key that seems to work best for me.
I'm so sorry that you've had those kinds of thoughts. I'm glad that you've found ways to redirect your thoughts. They sound like wise ways to turn our thinking to something else. Thank you for sharing them.
DeleteHi, I do different things. Sometimes it does not help at all. Mostly it does though! :) I try to talk to myself as an understanding mother would do. Telling me that these thoughts are unreasonable. It strangely soothes me.
ReplyDeleteOther times I really focus on all the good in my life. I am fortunate too to have many!
Most of the times I try to really get into the moment and focus on what I am doing right now. When I have these thoughts, the fysical things you are doing, like maybe the dishes, seem to go in the background, but if you really focus on doing it, taking a good look at the plates, really feel the warm water, etc. (like with mindfulness) thoughts seem to leave me as well!
Christine, Yes, mindfulness is such a good way to focus on what is here and now and not on our thoughts. Thank you for bringing that up. I like that you talk to yourself like an understanding mother would, too. It's so easy to be harshly judgmental with ourselves, and it doesn't help at all.
DeleteTina, You are right--we are writing about the same thing right now! Great minds and all that--ha! What I see in both our posts is a recognition that judging ourselves isn't helpful. What is helpful is a gentle way to disengage from our obsessive thoughts and free our minds. Great post.
ReplyDeleteGalen, we must be on the same wavelength today! I really enjoyed your post. And I like your choice of words here--to find a "gentle" way to "free" our minds. It really is freeing to be able to move away from intrusive thoughts.
DeleteI have the hardest time with this at night when trying to sleep - my mind just won't settle down.
ReplyDeleteLisa, Me, too. It's as if when the physical activity stops, the mind sees its chance to hold sway over us.
DeleteI battle this when I have times of high anxiety. I tell myself the same thing...I don't have to think those thoughts. I had to learn to kick them out of my brain. Sometimes I just sing a song that I sang to my kids when they were babies. Focusing on the melody helps me. Also visualizing a big red stop sign and telling myself to stop. My SIL told me about that one. It works!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Tina.
Thanks, Tina. I like those ideas. I imagine that a song you sang to your babies would be soothing. And visualization usually works well for me. I'll have to try visualizing the stop sign!
DeleteYep, definitely have to redirect my thoughts sometimes if I realize I am having negative or anxious thoughts.
ReplyDeleteKristina, sometimes I don't recognize right away that I've dipped into the negative/anxious thoughts. I hope the more I practice redirection, the quicker I can do it.
DeleteThis is a beautiful account of your experience. I love how you give us a window into your world. Tina, you are strong and beautiful! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteJodi, thank you so much for your kind comment! :-) I appreciate your support!
Deletei am so lucky to be an extremely positive person. i had a childhood of pain and negativity but i will never let my past ruin my today or my tomorrow.
ReplyDeletei am extremely focused on dismissing and controlling unwanted thoughts!!
Debbie, that is wonderful attitude to have! I admire that so much.
DeleteHi Tina, great thought-provoking post. Even though I have been through a lot in my life I always do my best to see the positive in every situation. When unwanted thoughts creep up, I try to switch my focus by listening to some nature videos, praying, organizing my apartment, taking a shower, just try to keep myself busy in doing other things to change my focus. Sometimes I will call a friend and see how they are doing, let them know I care, etc. Thanks so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteLinda, thank you. You have some wonderful ways of dealing with negative thoughts. I can imagine that nature videos are very absorbing and relaxing.
DeleteHmm . . . good question. I use mindfulness too. I pray. I'll talk to a loved one about what is troubling me. But it sure is hard sometimes!
ReplyDeleteSunny, you've got some good coping mechanisms. But you're right--it isn't always easy, even if we do have ways to cope.
DeleteOh you are wise shut out the bad and focus on the dark and the quiet. B
ReplyDeleteThank you, Buttons. Having something positive to focus on helps me.
DeleteHi Tina, I really liked the way you handled those intrusive thoughts. I know all to well how difficult they can be to get rid off. Next time I have them I will practice what you did. Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteMadison:-)
Thank you, Madison. I'm sure I will need to practice this over and over! :-)
DeleteWhen I lie in bed I mostly think about all kinda stuff, and sometmes I also think about things I don't really wanna think about. Then I try to distract myself, like listening to some music, or talk to somebody, or I try to think about something good, about a happy moment with my family and friends. Then I can smile and feel better.
ReplyDeleteSanny, it seems like distraction is a good way to cope with intrusive thoughts. You have some very good ways that you do that.
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