Yes, I am frustrated. Whenever I can’t find the answer to a question quickly, I tend to feel frustrated.
My question is: why are my shoulder and arm still hurting?
The pain started a few months ago in the upper, outside part of my arm. Then it spread to my shoulder. Sometimes I had tingling and a slightly numb sensation in my hand.
My orthopedic doctor thought I had a pinched nerve in my neck. I had five weeks of physical therapy. At one point, the pain got better. But it never went away. And I started having more intense bouts of pain.
My doctor ordered an MRI of my neck and referred me to a colleague of his, a spine doctor.
I saw her on Monday, and she said the MRI showed degenerative changes in my neck, but no nerve impingement.
So, where is the pain coming from?
She doesn’t know. She said the neck and shoulder have a lot of overlapping areas. She scheduled me for an electromyography, or EMG. It will test the health of my muscles and nerve cells in the problem areas.
The test can’t be done until the first week of January.
Accepting uncertainty is not my strong suit. So I’m frustrated. I am challenged to accept that I can’t always know something for sure, that sometimes I must just live with uncertainty.
I’m dealing with the pain. It’s worse at night, so I am keeping up with my regular activities during the day. I’m thankful for that. I’m taking a prescription NSAID, and that helps. Most nights, I put heat on my shoulder while I try to relax.
I have done Internet searches, trying to figure out “what’s wrong with me.” Compulsive searches for information is one way my OCD manifests itself. But I am aware of what I’m doing and try to pull myself back from Google.
I have to go with the flow of the medical field right now. I have to accept that the doctors don’t know what’s causing the pain. The answers will eventually come, I hope.
And I choose to continue to try to find the fun and peaceful and beautiful moments of each day.
Here’s one: The other day, I walked by a car parked in Rustburg. On the front of the car was a red spongy-looking ball.
I wonder what that is, I thought.
Then I saw the reindeer antlers.
Car as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!
How do you deal with uncertainty?