Tell me everything is going to be all right

It’s easier to give reassurance than to be the one who needs reassurance.

My husband is something of a checker. It happens mostly when he’s getting ready to leave the house. Even though he’s very careful and responsible, he sometimes has the need to recheck that he turned off the ceiling fan, the lights or the dryer. Even if he’s running late, he will take the time to check one more time, even unlocking the door he just locked to go back inside.

I’m glad he’s careful. I’m glad he cares enough about our home and family to check again.

But I still get impatient with him sometimes for the amount of time he takes to double check. You turned off the fan, I say. I know you turned off everything.

I can say those things because I don’t doubt that he did what he was supposed to do.

It’s easy for me to reassure him.

And yet I understand his doubts. I have doubts like that. I doubt myself very often and to an intense degree. I doubt that I turned off the stove. I doubt that I turned off the lights in the bathroom. I doubt that I heard the dryer shut off.

I cannot offer myself the same reassurance that I give my husband. I tell myself over and over that the light fixture is dark, there’s no light shining. But that doesn’t reassure me. Rather, the frenzy of my thoughts and the repetitiveness of my words make me anxious.

I can reassure others, but not myself. How can I learn to do for myself what I can do for others?

A couple of notes:

In my first post, I said I planned to post on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. That’s three times a week. This week I posted Monday, Wednesday and late Thursday. I think I’ll be writing every other day.

Also, please comment on the blog. I really want to hear from you. Thank you!

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