There’s nothing left of me
except
depression, OCD, GAD,
labels that sound like excuses.
There’s nothing left of me,
nothing to make me want
to reach out, to reach beyond
the labels that sound like excuses.
I’ve forgotten what I wanted
to ask for,
forgotten the words that made sense.
I’m left with labels
that sound like excuses.
I will write about what I’m doing to fight a general sense of hopelessness in a later post.
Have you ever felt hopeless?
I cycle through feeling like that. I just try to remember I will come out of it. ♥
ReplyDeleteThank you, Shannon, I am trying to remember that, too.
DeleteYes, and I hate that feeling. It helps if I can find something to look forward to a couple of months out. Like a little vacation or a race or a visit with a friend.
ReplyDeleteLisa, that sounds like a good strategy. Thank you!
DeleteSo sorry you're feeling like that. When I feel like that it's usually very short lived so I just have to wait it out. Looking forward to reading how you deal with it.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kristina. I'll probably write about it for Monday.
DeleteI've also definitely had that feeling. You're not alone, although it probably feels like it, you're definitely not alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kate, for reminding me that I'm not alone. I know there are many readers out there that understand.
DeleteA lovely poetic way of communicating how you are feeling Tina. Your words convey the feelings so I can feel them to. Sometimes that's all we feel we are is labels given to us by others. You are more than your labels Tina. Your comments and encouragement on my blog show that to me. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind comments! I really appreciate it.
DeleteOh, how the words you wrote sound so familar to how I too have felt, and can feel at times.
ReplyDeleteHoping that this depression will lift soon.
Looking forward to the next post -at how you are fighting through this.
~ Deanna :)
Thank you, Deanna, I am hoping it will pass soon, too.
DeleteTina, It makes me very sad to know your feeling this way. Remember that the labels; OCD, depression, GAD are all very real illnesses not just "labels or excuses". It can be hard at times, our illness is not something that people can always see on the outside, but that does not make them less real. Our illness also tells us we aren't trying hard enough, or doing enough - when in fact we are very strong and competent people. You are a strong and very competent person Tina, and you have helped so many of us even while you have been suffering yourself. I know, without a doubt, that you will feel better one day.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question, yes I have felt hopeless before. I all but gave up. But I know things can get better now, so I hang on to that when I have a day, or week or months when things are bad again.
Praying for you! You can email me at aliveinia@gmail.com if you ever need to vent in a less public way.
Thank you so much, Krystal Lynn, for your understanding and kindness. I believe something must give and I'll feel better soon.
DeleteOh, yes, I've felt desperately hopeless. I really, really thought my life would always be horrible mental torture. I still cannot believe that I have the life that I do now. I honestly did not think it was possible. I never want to forget where I was though, because I never want to forget to be grateful for a lot of the peace that is in my life now.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why, but when I first read your poem, for some strange reason I made the assumption that it was an older poem. But now after reading everyone's comments, I'm thinking that it is something you recently wrote. If that is true, I am so, so incredibly sorry that you are feeling like this now. I promise you will not always feel this way. I know when I felt this way the days seemed to drag on forever and ever, in a cycle of no end. But these days WILL end. Better days are definitely to come. (((Hug)))
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sunny. I am feeling hope that it will end. Yes, I wrote the verse this week. Not a great time right now, but it will get better. Thank you for your kindness!
DeleteOh yes, I have have had several moments of feeling very helpless. It is the very worst feeling in the world. And I'm so incredibly sorry you are feeling that way. I can officially tell you (because one class of abnormal psych under my belt is apparently enough to make this comment valid) that you are not your illness' ... not one little bit.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, you are so worthy of a hopeful life.
Thank you, Amanda, I needed to be reminded of that, that I am not my illness.
DeleteHopelessness, I've been there more times than I'd like to say.
ReplyDeleteWhat helps me deal with those feelings when they rise is looking back to all the adversities I have overcome and staying grateful for even the smallest of things helps too. During the tough times I try to remember it's progress not perfection. Not always easy, but we must not give up! :)
You're right, we must not give up. And thank you for the reminder to be grateful for the small things, too.
DeleteTina, I was just looking back at some of my writings. From as recent as 3 years ago, I was in really bad shape. It kind of shocked me to read this because at least for me, part of feeling better means not really being able to connect to feeling badly. I'm so glad I have those writings because I never want to forget how bad it was and never take for granted how I feel now. And maybe most importantly I never want to trivialize someone else's feelings.
ReplyDeleteYou say, "Excuses." Oh how the inner critic loves to avail herself at every opportunity! But we both know that she is not our friend. Your writings are poignant and powerful. I hope you'll keep writing and keep reaching out.
Sending hugs.
Thank you so much, Grace. I have some writings like that from the past, and like you, I like to be reminded that it's not that bad anymore. Thank you for your kind comments!
DeleteTina, I felt so sad reading your post and wish I could just wave my magic want and make things better. But this too shall pass, as everyone who has commented says. Better days are ahead. Hang in there! I am thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Janet, that means a lot. I have to believe that better days are coming.
DeleteYes, been there many times. Hang in there. Sending you hugs until the storm passes.
ReplyDeleteNadine, thank you for the hugs! The storm is passing. Thank you.
Deletehopelessness? have felt that more times than I would like to admit. but like I said in my own last blog entry - "we are stronger than we think"!! YOU are stronger than any description of an illness. am sending thoughts, prayers and (((HUGS))) to you!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much! I love that--"we are stronger than we think." Yes, we are. I just needed to be reminded of that!
DeleteI am so sorry that you are feeling this way; and as you can see, you are not alone. I know that is not comforting enough, but this too shall pass. Know you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteYaya, that helps a lot, to be reminded that I am not alone. Thank you1
DeleteThank you, Susan, for your kind words and good thoughts.
ReplyDeleteOh, Tina! I am just now catching up on the blogs and it's Monday! I am so sorry for your hopelessness. Your poem brought tears to my eyes!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Elizabeth. I am starting to feel better. Thank you for your comment! :-)
DeleteSo sorry you are feeling this way Tina. I'm reacting a bit late as I've been feeling pretty hopeless myself. But I've got new antidepressants and really hope they will work.
ReplyDeleteMy psychiatrist says my brain is in "depression-mode" on the moment and there is not really much I can do about it, just have to wait first until the medication (hopefully) will start working.
I'm just so amazed at how you can feel hopeless but still do this blog and help other people. You are an incredibly strong person Tina and so inspiring. I really hope you are feeling better by the time you read this!
Thank you so much, Klaaske. I am feeling a bit better and moving forward, I hope. I'm sorry that you are in a depression mode also. I hope the new medication kicks in soon and works quickly!
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