I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety lately. I can pinpoint the causes in some cases. Some of it comes from my habitual procrastination, which I’m going to post about on Wednesday.
Some of it comes from things going on in my life.
However, I can’t always name the cause. I just feel it and experience it.
Some days I have anxiety in the 7 and 8 range. I’ve noticed that I feel it especially at night when I’m trying to go to sleep.
I’ve had trouble falling asleep. I’ve tried my usual tricks of reciting poetry and prayers and thinking positive thoughts, to no avail.
I toss and turn and watch the minutes, and then hours go by on the clock. My anxiety rises even higher.
I finally fall asleep, but wake up again and again throughout the night.
Then I wake up in the morning with anxiety, sometimes with my hands actually shaking.
Since my usual tricks haven’t been working, I’ve been trying to “sit” with my anxiety, as some of you fellow bloggers have written about, including Krystal Lynn.
Metaphorically speaking, much of my anxiety seems to settle in my chest and move outward to my arms and hands.
My heart doesn’t always beat fast, but I feel bursts of adrenaline. I feel hyper. I feel like something bad is going to happen. My arms and hands feel tingly and agitated, or sometimes numb. I can’t relax.
And, of course, my thoughts are racing, moving from subject to subject.
I’ve started concentrating on how my body feels. I focus on my chest and at first try to just experience the feeling without describing it to myself.
Then I talk silently to myself, describing how I feel, using words like afraid, antsy, adrenaline, dread, excited, wired.
I even used a thesaurus to come up with other words to use to describe how I feel: apprehensive, disquieted, distressed, jittery, taut, troubled and watchful.
And, in a surprise to me, it seems to work. I have awakened during the night, realizing that I fell asleep a lot faster than I thought I would. I use my self-examination tools again, and fall asleep again.
And I haven’t been waking up in the morning with as much anxiety either.
I don’t really understand how this is working. Accepting the anxiety and just concentrating on experiencing it is somehow easing it.
I deal with the anxiety also by just letting it happen. I get so much anxiety right when I get to bed. It has prevented me from sleeping time and time again, but to prevent bipolar mania, I force myself to sleep. To do so, I lay in bed and am mindful of the way my body feels. The pressure in my chest, the clenching of my jaws, etc. Then I just breathe, deeply. Next thing you know it passes and I'm asleep.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to the words, the best one for me would be - disquiet. Which is a direct antonym of calm, peace. That's the best way I can describe it.
Yaya, I like your routine. I need to add some deep breathing to mine. Disquiet is a good word for me, too, for the same reasons--opposite of calm and peace.
ReplyDeleteGood Morning Tina:)
ReplyDeleteI know EXACTACTLY what you mean when you describe anxiety, and especially when you use the word, 'Metaphorically,' ...
you write:
Metaphorically speaking, much of my anxiety seems to settle in my chest and move outward to my arms and hands.
My heart doesn’t always beat fast, ....
Yes, yes, yes -ths is what I have been feeling in my own body too. This is what, I presume, anxiety disorder is. I have been having wonderful days as of late, nothing in the forefront to cause me worry or to upset me -in fact I've been having days of laughter and happiness -and it amazes me when my own body will respond out with this anxiety -again, I presume this is why it is called a disorder.
At my last post you commented about how you were thinking I might feel when I used the words, "I'm tired." -How spot on you are.
Yet still, I must, we must cling to our Savior who has told us that when we are weak we are strong -for in our weakness He is made strong. (That's all mind puzzling to me. -Yet, I know the Lord despises pride, and I can be the prideful type espeically before the mental illnesses set in on my when I turned 30- and now I know through this illness I have received the virtue that our God blesses -humbleness. So, I pray that I can focus on all the goodness that is there under this illness -and continue to believe that HE brings all things to the GOOD of those who LOVE Him.)
Bless you Tina!
And I pray the anxiety will continue to work itself away, and that you may have rest, good rest from it soon.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Deanna! Your point about it being a disorder is so true--it doesn't necessarily make sense that we feel anxiety even when we don't know the reason--because it's a disorder. Sometimes I forget that it's a disorder and look for some kind of blame I can put on myself. Thank you for the reminder!
DeleteThis is a very interesting approach and one that I have never heard of.
ReplyDeleteI also have been having more anxiety lately and it is affecting my sleep. I have noticed that it is taking me forever to fall asleep (an hour or two) and then I wake up a lot. I notice that my face is usually scrunched up and my brows are furrowed as I'm laying there with racing stressful thoughts. I am going to try this approach tonight and see if it helps.
Elizabeth, I'm sorry you're having the same problem. I hope this technique does help--let us know!
DeleteI'm glad you are feeling a bit better, Tina. That is so rough when anxiety messes with your sleep. The lack of sleep then ends up just making you feel more anxious!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm anxious with no obvious trigger, I just keep reminding myself that the anxiety is actually meaningless. What I mean by that, is that it is just my body overreacting physically to something. That my body is just confused and these physical symptoms are just proof of the confusion and that they will go away soon. Generally, the symptoms do go away pretty quickly.
However, if it happens while I'm trying to sleep, that is a little rougher. I've actually read that if you can't fall asleep, it is better to just get up, assume you will be up all night (this gets rid of the anticipatory anxiety about being able to fall asleep) and just read a book or do something.
Sunny, I like how you put that--your body is just confused. Mine is very confused! :-) That makes sense in that the body is reacting as part of having a disorder.
DeleteI have read that we should get up, too. My problem is, I keep thinking I'll fall asleep any time, so I stay in bed. I need to start getting up, like you say.
Tina,
ReplyDeleteSometimes we don't allow ourselves to feel and this causes a lot more suffering than if we just allowed ourself. Fear need you to be afraid of it and when you are doing this, you are not as afraid, plus judgment makes it worse and you are not judging. It works like a charm!
Jodi, good advice! I am so busy trying to avoid the feelings of anxiety and trying to get rid of them, I get more anxious. Thanks for the reminder, too, not to judge our feelings.
DeleteSorry you're struggling. One thing I've done when I've had bad before sleep anxiety, is download some meditation podcasts that are for right before sleep, and I found them very relaxing and helpful.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading a book right now about introverts that you might like - it's called Quiet. Lots of interesting data!
Lisa, I just bought a book by Jon Kabat-Zinn on mindfulness that includes a CD with mindfulness instruction on it. I think I will try that tonight.
DeleteI have seen "Quiet" in bookstores. I definitely fall into the category of introvert. I'll have to look into it.
I too am always looking for a reason my anxiety level is up, instead of accepting that it is a disorder and it is possibly going to go up and down without a reason. Never thought of it that way. Hmmm Kinda like accepting a obsessional thought as just a thought and not analyzing it and giving it more power.
ReplyDeleteI like what Jodi said about allowing ourselves to "feel" and if we don't it causes more suffering. I have a feeling that is front and center to my OCD - I have spent so much time trying not to feel hurt, anger, etc. and the repression of that has made me ill.
I'm glad you have had success in the middle of the night using the words and having that relax and put you back to sleep.
The words I would use to describe my anxiety: restless, jittery, irritable, frightened.
Krystal Lynn, I think I have done the same thing--repressed hurt and anger until it has made me ill. I am afraid of some emotions and feelings, and that just gives them more power, as you say.
DeleteThose are some strong words that describe me, too!
It sounds like you've found a great coping strategy -- congrats! I call this sitting down to tea with my anxiety. When we listen to ourselves with the same respect that we would give a troubled friend, we can start to calm ourselves.
ReplyDeleteGiven that you're having more problems at night, I'm wondering if you may have some hormonal shifts going on? Believe me, I know that often anxiety comes and goes for no apparent reason, but at the same time, sometimes physical changes can exacerbate anxiety. It may be worth taking a look.
Nadine, I love "sitting down to tea with my anxiety." I'm going to keep that image in mind!
DeleteI haven't thought of hormonal changes, but it could be at least partly causing the sleeping problems. I am getting to that age or am in the age of perimenopause. Thanks for the suggestion--I'll have to look into that!
I hope it is ok to add to this. I was going to mention hormones too. I am a few years older than you Tina but perimenopause has a very wide range of ages to start. I know that it has alot to do with my sleep disruption. I went in at 45 and told my doctor I was having hot flashes and he said he thought I was a little young but did a FSH test and yep, my hormones were dropping. I don't mind hot flashes during the day but at night I get sweaty so I kick all the covers off, then the sweat makes me chilled so I put the covers on and that can go on all night. As the years passed, I have hot flashes less frequently but still get them in batches of weeks, a few times a year at least. My doctor did not want me taking hormones, he wanted me to ride it through unless it got so bad I couldn't take it anymore. (history of female cancer is high in my family so he wanted me not to take them - I know it is controversial but I decided to follow his advice)
DeleteKrystal Lynn, I'm glad you added this--it's helpful! I am going to do some more investigation with my doctor into this.
DeleteI'm so glad you've found a technique that's working for you, Tina, and that you are getting some sleep. Sleep deprivation just exacerbates everything, doesn't it? I have to say that your describing your anxiety reminds me of an exposure. You're right there with the anxiety, facing it, even naming it, and thereby taking away all its power. Hope you continue to have better nights.
ReplyDeleteJanet, I hadn't thought of it as an exposure, but I guess it is. That pleases me that I'm getting in more exposures! :-)
DeleteWhen I get anxious for no reason it does mostly last only a very short time as I will then find a "real" reason to be anxious about. Like being scared of falling or slipping when I have to walk to the shops through the snow in Winter, while it is actually still Summer! The way I get out of this and manage to fall asleep is trying to fantasize about what I would really like to do. Or I just make up a story in my head. Works very well for me.
ReplyDeleteThe words that come with anxiety for me are definitely worrying and fretting.
Klaaske, I can usually find a reason for feeling anxious if I think hard enough! :-( Though sometimes I still can't find a reason for so much anxiety. "Fretting" is a good word for me, too!
DeleteI am glad that by focusing and naming how you are feeling it is helping you to sleep and reduce the anxiety. Sounds like a technique called mindfulness, where part of that is observing what you are feeling, naming it and then letting it go. I'm not sure how it works either but I was told it is a bit like the brain acknowledging you have noticed there is a problem and so the brain reduces the signal but if we ignore the signal the brain increases the signal thus symptoms to alert us there is a problem. Keep doing what you are doing if it works all the better.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I have been reading about mindfulness and trying to do mindfulness meditation. It is sometimes hard for me to "be still" enough to do it, but I like the idea of attending to the present moment.
DeleteYour description of how anxiety feels is spot-on description of how it feels for me too.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you found a way that helps you. I used melatonin, an over-the-counter natural sleep aid. I just took it about a half hour before i went to sleep. I've changed the time i take my meds from bedtime to lunch/ afternoon, and now i get tired at night again, so i don't need to take it as often. Just ask the pharmasist if it's ok to take with your meds, first. 'cause i'm not a doctor :)
But it sounds like your way works just as well, better even and it's free.
Karin, I've heard of melatonin, but I've never tried it. I'm all for natural remedies.
DeleteI am going to talk with my doctor about the timing of my meds to see if that would make a difference.
I was a huge procrastinator, it was a difficult behavior for me to change and a slow process. But, I am happy to say that I have improved tremendously in that area. Thinking back, I believe I hit rock bottom with this one, things were piling up, nothing was getting done and everything was catching up, which of course contributed to my depression and anxiety. I remember calling a friend and breaking down hysterically and so, me and her set out to start me off by completing small projects at a time, and acknowledging how good it felt to have it out of the way ( self awareness ) The more I got done the less worries, talking about, and giving myself praise for what I completed or overcame, among other things helped as well, but I won't make this comment into a post.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing on an important topic!
I like your method for dealing with procrastination, especially having a friend support you as you completed things. Recognizing what you were accomplishing was very important, too, it sounds like. Thank you for sharing! :-)
DeleteWow- I'm glad you're able to get more sleep, and fall asleep quicker when you wake up.
ReplyDelete