A caterpillars' nest in a tree near my house. A walk outside, noticing the details of nature, is a balm to me. |
Until I started working for the
newspaper almost five years ago, I had been a part of a court proceeding twice.
Once when I was 16 and got a ticket for improper driving for hitting a mailbox
during driver’s education training (Yes, embarrassing. No one was hurt, thank
goodness). And once nearly 20 years ago when I was a victim of a crime.
One of my regular beats since I
started with the paper has been covering the courts. I’ve covered all kinds of
crime: murders, drug crimes, burglaries, robberies, assaults, and on and on.
One thing I’ve discovered is that
if you want to see drama, a wide range of the human condition, sit in court for
an afternoon and watch the cases that come up.
I’ve heard wailing, laughter,
defiant words. I’ve heard pleas of innocence, apologies for horrific crimes,
promises to live in such a way as to never have to appear in court again.
I’ve seen family members of
victims and defendants bend at the waist, crying in sorrow. I’ve seen law
enforcement officers stand around the victim’s family protectively as the
convicted defendant leaves court.
I’ve waited in the courtroom after
the hearing is over so I wouldn’t intrude on family members standing outside in
the hall, consoling each other. I’ve taken the stairs instead of the elevator
so I could have a moment alone. I’ve sat in my car outside the courthouse
crying too hard to drive.
The last several weeks, I’ve been
in court a lot, covering cases for the paper. The tragedies I witness are not
my tragedies. I don’t have the pressures that the prosecutors and law
enforcement officers have.
But my time in court takes its
toll.
One way I’ve coped it to write
about it. Of course, I write the stories about the court proceedings for the
newspaper: man found guilty, judge sentences defendant to 25 years, mistrial
declared.
And that writing is a way of
coping because I’m taking what I’ve observed and learned, and I’ve told the
story of what happened in the community. I’ve documented a piece of the community.
But I’ve also been writing on my
own, typing out thoughts I’ve had about my experiences in court, what I’ve
learned, what I struggle with.
I’ve been holding on to these
thoughts and feelings for nearly five years. I’ve made little notes of
observations in the backs of my reporter’s notebooks, but I’ve never sat down
and written with purpose the things that weigh on my after a difficult hearing,
that have kept me awake many nights.
That’s where I’ve been mentally
and emotionally lately. I’ve taken few photographs. I’ve been visiting my
blogger friends’ sites less. I’ve been contemplating the unanswerable questions
more often.
I think the writing is helping.
And I have to remind myself, with deep breaths, with thoughts of Larry and
Chase Bird, that my life is not the courtroom or the cases that I cover.
i would probably have a hard time staying focused in court....hugs and hope you have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteit would be so difficult not to absorb those traumas, pain, fears, anguish. i hope writing about them will help purge some of it for you.
ReplyDeleteWow, Tina, I know that would be really tough for me......I'm glad writing has been therapeutic for you.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how difficult it is to hear about these human tragedies and not have it make you want to cry. I get that way sometimes just reading the paper in the morning....or watching the six o'clock news. I am not sure how I would deal with the situation, but writing it down makes sense. Needing to get it out is important.
ReplyDeleteIt IS hard to witness human suffering if you are a compassionate person. And I'm sorry it weighs so heavily on you.
ReplyDeletelook for, and find your joy...it's there waiting for you!!
ReplyDeleteand fyi, i get upet just watching cops!!!!!!!!!!!!
Goodness, I had no idea you were going through all that. Working at an animal ER for 7 years took its toll on me. As much as I loved the animals, I couldn't handle another day or hour of irresponsible pet owners...seeing the grossest kind of neglect. My heart is too sensitive for that kind of stuff. Writing is a great way to cope. Thanks so much for sharing...my heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteWhen I did juvenile probation, I spent hours in court every week. I had to present to the judge on my cases regularly. Sometimes I'd be there all morning long, waiting for my case. Some of the cases were boring, but others could be quite interesting. And of course, many were sad. But I enjoyed it for the most part. I liked working with the kids a lot.
ReplyDeleteTina, how nice to see a caterpillar's nest! I am so sorry for what you are going through, bless your heart!
ReplyDeleteCourt proceedings can be very intense. That's why it's taken home with you. I was called for jury duty twice. That was enough for me. I was not chosen either time. I'm sure you'll have an interesting story to tell.
ReplyDeleteA courtroom is different than the Emergency Room I know but I did spend 30 years working in them, and very early on in my career I knew I needed a fool proof way to handle work, so I found an emotional place to go and all of that human misery we'd see, outside of the abuse cases I managed to leave at work, it seldom came home with me.
ReplyDeleteWriting is a wonderful way to cope with your own stuff. And going places like that can heal. The courtroom always intrigues me. I'm a Perry Mason fan and I suspect it is much different in person! I did a lot of writing when I was working with grieving children -- my own writing -- not publication or business. It is a comfort.
ReplyDeleteOooh, that's a lot to take in. It's brilliant you have a skill that helps sort out all the emotion and thoughts that you need to deal with -
ReplyDeleteYou certainly are a terrific communicator . . I suppose that causes you to embrace situations in a deeper manner . . . Thank you for sharing this . .
Happy Weekend to You!!!
I can't even imagine the toll that these court proceedings must be taking on you. It's good that you have writing as an outlet and that you're able to keep Larry and Chase Bird in mind. I understand how work can be physically and mentally exhausting - and sometimes blogging needs to take a backseat to just taking a break and recharging.
ReplyDeleteI can see how that environment might make impact on someones life in one way or another. Thanks for sharing Tina!
ReplyDeleteI think a person needs to be extremely strong in order to cope with so much negativity, even if it's not yours. I'd never be able to do a job like that, so bravo to you.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a good writer, Tina, and very considerate in how you handle your business in the court system. We live close to the courthouse. I am thinking I may sit in some afternoon and see what's going on...
ReplyDelete