Monday, July 22, 2013

86 years



Today is my mother’s 86th birthday.
I don’t write a lot about my mother. We’re not close, for many reasons that I won’t go into now. We used to be close, but in an unhealthy way. I’ve accepted that our relationship is what it is.
But I’m thinking of my mother today and considering her many talents that, though I didn’t inherit many of them, blessed me and many others through the years.
I am using the past tense when I speak of her use of her talents because most of these she can no longer do. She lives in an assisted living house and has her meals fixed for her. It’s very difficult for her to do handwork because of the arthritis in her hands. She gets around slowly with a cane or walker.
But I think her talents still live within her, and if she could physically do them, she would again bless people with them.

Cooking
My mother was, as my father called her one time, a “top cook.” I don’t remember ever tasting anything she cooked that tasted awful—unless it happened to be a food that I already detested.
She loved to read cookbooks and experiment with new foods. She seemed to have a sixth sense about what ingredients would work together and produce a tasty dish.
Presentation of food was important to her, too. She liked to transfer dishes from the pans they were cooked in to pretty serving dishes, even for a common supper on a Wednesday night.
If she again had the strength to “put a meal on the table,” as she would say, I would ask her to cook her fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green peas and yeast rolls.

One of the afghans and the double wedding ring quilt made by my mother.
Sewing
My mother is creative and used that creativity to sew many an outfit for me as I was growing up. She made most of the dresses I wore growing up. She almost always made a new outfit for me for the first day of school.
She made her own clothes, too, and shirts for my brothers and father. She could also repair and mend anything brought to her by family and friends.
My mother also quilted. She quilted a blanket that had been pieced together by my father’s sister. Some of the pieces in the quilt are snippets of my grandmother’s dresses.
She also made a double wedding ring quilt for me.
Crocheting and knitting were also some of my mother’s talents. She made many afghans, including a purple and lavender one for me.


My mother walking the edge of the garden in 1988. She usually visited and worked in the garden several times a day.

Gardening
My mother’s thumb is green. Pure green. She was legendary in our community for having a beautiful garden that produced mountains of food, much of which she shared with others. She also raised a variety of flowers and shrubs that enhanced the landscape. She freely gave away clippings to others.
She became a Master Gardener when she was in her 50s or 60s and volunteered her time to help others learn about gardening.

Nowadays my mother enjoys reading, especially mysteries and thrillers. She participates in activities at the home she lives in. She especially enjoys lectures that visitors such as the Lynchburg Museum staff give on a variety of subjects. She goes out to lunch with her sisters. She keeps busy.
Except for reading, I haven’t carried forward my mother’s talents or interests. I don’t cook much, and I don’t enjoy it like she did. I can’t seem to get the hang of sewing or knitting, though I can crochet. I enjoy plants, but I don’t yet have the knowledge that my mother does.
I wish I had the relationship with my mother that I know many people have with their mothers. Of course, wishing for something that isn’t likely to be doesn’t help anyone.
But I do admire many of my mother’s qualities and talents, and I’m grateful for the blessings she’s given to her loved ones and beyond.

Did you inherit any of the talents and interests of your parents or other family members?


40 comments:

  1. Reading your post reminded me of something that I would write - both about my mother and grandmother.

    My grandmother had an incredible musical talent - both with singing and playing the piano. I, unfortunately, didn't inherit any of it!

    I'm thinking of you today.

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    1. Thank you, Amanda. It's too bad we can't choose the talents that get passed down. I do take after my mother and father both musically--my mother played the piano when she was younger, and my father sang in quartets and solo in church and weddings.

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  2. what a lovely tribute to your Mom, Happy Birthday to her. Both of my parents were talented in several areas where as I am not talented in one ;-).

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    1. Thank you, Lynn. I would disagree with you, though--I think you're very talented, including in photography and learning new things.

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  3. Oh Tina Happy Birthday to you Mom. She is a woman of many talents. My Mom can knit but I cannot but I inherited her love of sewing and reading and of course storytelling.Oh yes and I cannot forget her pure white hair:)
    Wonderful post Tina. HUGS B

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    1. Thank you, B. Your mother must be wonderful storyteller, too! I loved seeing her white hair in your post last week.

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  4. This is a beautiful tribute to your Mom.

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  5. I lost my comment -- stupid computer! I love how you share your thoughts. xo

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    1. Thank you, Nancy.

      These computers--it's a love/hate relationship!

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  6. even if the two of you aren't close, you did a wonderful post in her honor, focusing on her skills and talents that she shared with your family and others. i like that very much.

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    1. Thank you, Theresa. She touched a lot of people's lives in many positive ways.

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  7. She sounds very creative.

    You know what? I firmly believe that it is absolutely okay to not be close to a family member. Take care of yourself first, and if a relationship gets toxic, it's okay to break away to salvage your mental health. I have several friends who cut off relationships with their mothers for very solid reasons, and I think they made the right choices.

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    1. Thank you, Lisa. She is very creative. And I agree--I think people end up hurting themselves sometimes by thinking they HAVE to be close just because they're family.

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  8. You have made a lovely post here, Tina, highlighting your mother's talents. Thank you so much for sharing. And, for the record, I was not close to my mother, either.

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    1. Thank you, Linda. She has many talents, and even though we're not close, I can appreciate those talents and gifts and the way she used them.

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  9. My mother taught me how to sew and play the guitar, both of which I mastered at an early age. I passed the guitar playing and singing down to my daughter. I haven't felt close to my mother either, but when I think about it, she gave me a lot that I may not always appreciate. Happy Birthday to your Mother.

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    1. Thank you, Patty. You inherited some awesome gifts from your mother, and your daughter has kept that going. That's wonderful to see.

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  10. perfect in so many ways, but perhaps not the ways you needed!! i always envy those who have that amazing connection with their moms!!

    nonetheless (is that one word??) this was sweet and so nice of you to focus on her positives!!

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    1. Thank you, Debbie. I've often envied those with close relationships with their moms, too.

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  11. This is a very sweet, thoughtful tribute to your Mom. I'm sorry you weren't close but you must have a very good reason for that. Happy Birthday to your Mom and a thankfulness that you have a few good things to remember her for.

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  12. My mother is an artist, though she doesn't use that talent much. I got some of that from her though I think her ability to draw is superior to mine. I don't draw much--just doodle. She also enjoys reading, as I do. And she used to run when she was young, and I ran track in college.

    I think it's nice that you wrote a post about your mother's talents even though your relationship is not what you would like it to be.

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    1. Thank you, Kristina. Sounds like you got some great talents from your mom. I remember seeing a doodle or two on your blog--I think you're talented!

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  13. You did a beautiful job in bringing honor to your Mom even though you are not close....It takes a strong person to see the good in someone else when you are not close. I know because I didn't have a close relationship with my mom.....

    It sounds like she was blessed with many talents.....but I am sure you are too they are just different...

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    1. Thank you, Nancy. I have not always been able to find the good where I needed to. I guess time passing and learning as I've gotten older have helped.

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  14. What a talented woman. I'm sorry you and your mother are not closer, but I rejoice that you are able to appreciate her for what she is without feeling too keenly what she is not. That's a great blessing, and a difficult lesson to learn. I eventually got there with my own mother, and it made our relationship much more rewarding to me in her final years (and brought me peace as well). Happy birthday to your Mom!

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    1. Thank you, Jean. You make a good point--sometimes it's hard to let go of how we wanted things to be.

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  15. Hi Tina, This is a very poignant tribute. I can relate to so much of your feelings regarding the woman who birthed us. It's difficult but I admire you for acknowledging her strengths without an ounce of bitterness! Hugs, dear friend.

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    1. Thank you, Grace. I know you have a strong understanding of this.

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  16. I think it's great that even though your relationship with your mom is not what you hoped for, you are still able to recognize her gifts, and the blessing that they were in your life. I think that is extremely healthy and mature. I'm so proud of you!

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  17. We had a library in my childhood home, my mom and dad both loved to read and my mother often took me to the library for which I am so grateful as I believe her encouragement led me to be a voracious reader. My mother was an artist too and painted in watercolor and oils..extremely talented. I did not inherit that at all. Krystallynn

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    1. Thanks, Krystal Lynn. I was taken to the library a lot, too, and encouraged to read. I am so grateful for that. My mom also did so painting and did some good work. I definitely didn't take after her in that regard--too bad!

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  18. Your mother certainly had many talents, happy birthday to your mom.
    I don't have many of my mother's talents or traits which I'm okay with. We recently developed a close relationship. Thanks Tina for sharing about your mother.

    Madison

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    1. Thank you, Madison. That's wonderful that you and your mom now have a close relationship.

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  19. What terrific memories you share about your mom . .
    How marvelously affirming it is to remember the good . . .
    and still be able to see clearly . . . how it is today.

    Thank you,
    -g-

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    1. Thank you, G, for your kind comment. I am learning that I can be honest with myself and see things for what they are, and yet not be negative about it.

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  20. I am sorry that your relationship with your Mother is not ideal. The best times in recent years was the time I spent with my Mom prior to her death almost 3 years ago. She lived with us for the last 2 1/2 years of her life and I came to know my Mother as an adult. I moved away shortly after I got married so had never spent that much time with her as an adult. I do believe that what I inherited from my Mom was our strength, our strength to go on when things get really tough.

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    1. Thank you, Deanna. I'm glad you had the blessing of getting to know your mother in a different way. And your strength is one of the things I admire about you. :-)

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