May peace and grace be with all those who died, those who were injured and those still suffering in any way from the events of Sept. 11, 2001.
I’m writing this in the waning hours of Sept. 11, 2012, and today I, as I’m sure millions of others did, remembered that day 11 years ago with sadness.
I remembered where I was on that day, as I’m sure many of you did.
And I thought of the world after 9/11 and how it’s changed.
On that day 11 years ago, I was at work at the health department and watched the Twin Towers fall on television. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I had to hear the late anchor Peter Jennings say it before I knew that what my eyes saw was really happening.
In the days that followed, and the months, too, I stayed glued to the news, on the radio, TV and online.
I knew that the world and the way I thought about it would never be the same.
My anxieties and my fears are so small when compared to the anxieties and fears of people around the world. I live in comfort and safety compared to many in the world.
But this is a blog about obsessive-compulsive disorder and the accompanying depression and anxiety. How do I, with these mental disorders, make sense of a world where things like what happened on 9/11 can happen?
The short answer to that is, I don’t make sense of it. I will never make sense of what happened on 9/11, of other terrorist activities, of violence and hate. I will never make sense of any of that.
But there are some things I can make sense of.
The stories of family members having their last conversations on cell phones with chaos in the background. The stories of men and women who stepped into the chaos to help save others. The people who still work to make sure we don’t forget. The people who work to help prevent other attacks, other violence.
And I make sense on a personal level of how I can navigate in the world of 9/11.
In the months immediately following Sept. 11, 2001, my anxiety was sky high. I worried about things I’d never worried about. I was scared for the safety of my loved ones. I didn’t know what might happen next.
I dreamed about a well-known American man, well respected, nonpolitical, a good person. I dreamed that he committed an awful act of violence.
I asked a friend, how could I dream something like that? It’s evidence that things are not like they used to be, she said. Things that you used to believe in aren’t there any more, she said.
I agreed with her then, and I still agree with her. I was reacting to a changing reality, even a changing personal reality.
Gradually, my global anxiety subsided as I grew used to the way things were. I had learned anew of the many things I couldn’t control. I had learned for good that time is precious and our loved ones even more precious.
Now my anxiety tends towards the personal again, what I’m doing or not doing, what others around me are doing or aren’t doing.
But I will never forget what happened on that day 11 years ago. And it is especially on days like today that I remember the lessons: time is precious and our loved ones even more so.
I totally agree with you that our time is precious, and our loved ones even more. I guess we all remember very well what we did that day, when we first heard about it. I remember that I sat in front of the TV, and it was on every channel. Back then I couldn't understand why that happened and what brought these people to do such a cruel thing. Until now, I haven't found an answer, and I think it's because there is none. There is no plausible explanation. So many innocent people had to suffer, had to die. How hard it must be for those you lost a loved one? I can't imagine that.
ReplyDeleteIn memory of the victims of 9/11 and their families and friends.
Thank you, Sanny. I'm with you--no plausible explanation for the suffering and deaths.
DeleteYour last paragraph sums it all up..........
ReplyDeleteJanet, I probably could have just left it at that. It's all so sad.
DeleteSometimes I find myself wondering how I can even have anxieties when I know that there are those who have gone through things I could not even begin to imagine living thorough.
ReplyDelete*I remember exactly where I was that September day. Both kids were sick with ear infections. All of us in the lobby watched the towers falling on TV. I remember thinking that 'this' was the end of America!!
-you're right, time is precious and so are our loved ones.
God bless:)
Deanna, I wonder the same things. Our anxieties are legitimate, but there are people who have gone through the unimaginable.
DeleteIt was an awful week. My family lived just outside DC then, and I was out of town on work and couldn't get through the lines to make sure they were okay. Then this jerk physically assaulted me (for no reason - he was drunk) in the hotel elevator one night. And I was totally upset and couldn't get ahold of my husband! Other people went through much more than me, but I remember that being a really difficult time.
ReplyDeleteLisa, what a terrible time for you! I know many people were so worried about family and couldn't get through on the phones. That must have been awful. And then to be attacked yourself--I'm so sorry that happened.
DeleteBeautiful post. We can learn so much from tragedy can't we? We hate the thought of having to endure tragedy but we do learn from it.
ReplyDeleteOn that day, I was getting my kids ready for school when my neighbor yelled over, "Turn on the TV. The world trade center fell down." I thought she must be mistaken because buildings don't just fall down. Because I'm on the west coast, I was pretty far removed from the flurry of activity so now, I find that watching shows about the events are very educational. Last night Discovery Channel had a special about a man that was in the Tower 1 stairwell and floated down with the building. Apparently the wind energy created a cushioning vortex. It's a miracle he's alive.
We'll never forget.
Grace, that's a good point--we hate to endure tragedy, of course, but we do learn from it. I agree.
DeleteIn tragedy, it seems like the things most important to us become very clear and you put it best, time and our loved ones are the most precious. I was thinking yesterday too how much I heard about prayer and God during that period. There were heartbreaking stories but also stories of heroism, miracles, faith and hope.
ReplyDeleteI understand the separation of church and state and I don't want the government to dictate to me who and what I can believe in, but I also want to be just as prayerful and faithful everyday the way I was that day. So that was what I was thinking about yesterday too.
Krystal Lynn, I, too, would like us to always be aware of our most precious people and the need to hold on to each other. It's too bad that sometimes it takes a tragedy to jolt us into remembering.
DeleteNever, never, never will I forget that horrible day. I remember watching all the events unfold on T.V. and I was in such shock that I actually became physically cold and had to sit with a blanket wrapped around me. I cannot even begin to understand what the victims and their families have gone through. It's been 11 years, which seems like a long time, but I bet it feels just like yesterday to all those families. I really admire all the survivors and the families who lost loved ones on that day, for their courage and bravery in moving forward and living everyday. And yes, it sure does remind me that life is fragile and to be appreciated.
ReplyDeleteSunny, I, too, have been so impressed and inspired by the stories of courage and bravery from that day. I remember feeling shocked, too.
DeleteMy anxiety went up very high after that also. For many months. I think it happened to so many people and how could it not, we all saw those images and once seen it was hard to take them bad out of our eyes. Thanks for writing this and honoring that time. and appreciating the goodness of the responders. This is how I had to focus to recover.
ReplyDeleteJodi, those images are etched forever in the back of my mind. I still literally gasp when I see pictures from that day. You're right--a focus on those who responded and all the brave and courageous people helped in recovery.
DeleteLovely post.
ReplyDelete