I’ve never been a social butterfly. Not even close.
As a child, I was very shy and timid, and a lot of that shyness and timidity stuck with me as I got older.
I developed the ability to operate in a social setting out of necessity—I had to work with people, for one thing.
But I still feel uncomfortable in groups of people, especially if I don’t know anyone in the group very well.
My therapist thinks I have some social anxiety, and I agree that I at least have the tendency to feel anxious in social situations.
One place I do feel relatively comfortable with groups of people is when I take a class of some sort, usually through my church.
I love to read, I love to learn, and I love listening to other people’s ideas. And a classroom is one place where it’s easier for me to express my ideas.
I haven’t taken a class in a about a year, but I recently signed up to take not one, but two classes. I am taking them for the learning, but also for the social aspect of it. I need to “get out” more and be around people and not stick so close to home. While Larry won’t be taking the classes with me, he’s supportive of me taking them.
One class is held during the normal Sunday school class time on Sunday morning. I haven’t found a regular class I felt very comfortable in, so when I learned that a new discussion group was forming, I was interested.
We met for the first time this morning. All the members are interested in learning and growing spiritually, and I look forward to open and honest discussions.
I was also glad to hear one participant say that one of the goals for the class for her was to get to know the other group members better.
The first book we’ll be studying is A New Kind of Christianity: Ten Questions That Are Transforming the Faith, by Brian D. McLaren.
I went to the store today and bought a new notebook especially for the class. Did I mention that I love school and office supplies? Or that I’m a nerd?
The second class I signed up for is on Holy Communion and its meaning in the United Methodist Church and personally. A member of the church who took a similar class last year said it changed the way he viewed Communion from something he just did as part of the service to something more meaningful.
Ever the student, I did my reading for class ahead of time and can’t wait to get started with the discussions and learning.
That class meets Monday evenings, and I’ll attend my first one tonight.
Taking two classes at church still doesn’t qualify me as a social butterfly (something I’ll never be or desire to be), but it’s my way of being around people and socializing while also learning.
Do you have to force yourself sometimes to be social, to be around people? What ways of socializing work best for you?
Taking classes is really good for me too. I tend to be shy as well and I love office supplies (even wrote a post on them!). In fact, I'm still trying to decide if I will take a pilates class and another poetry class. I feel more comfortable in small groups generally.
ReplyDeleteBeing in a small group and learning, while surrounded by school/office supplies--it's great! :-)
DeleteOh, I'm starting a new class tomorrow too! I'm nervous, but excited. I like office supplies too. I honestly have no idea why, but when I walk into an office supply store, I get all excited. Totally weird, I know.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of like two different people wrapped into one. I am an extrovert, but also somewhat introverted at the same time. Can't explain it. There are times when I do have to force myself to go to functions. When it is all said and done, most of the time, I'm glad I went. I do prefer social settings where things are structured - such as in a classroom. Then the rules are very clear for how to behave and I sure appreciate that. I think that's why I do so much volunteer work at my church. I get to serve God, but I also get to socialize in a structured setting.
Good for you for forcing yourself to face some fears! I really hope you enjoy your classes. : )
Sunny, I like more structured situations, too. It just makes me more comfortable. Good luck in your class and enjoy!
DeleteI'm not confident in social situations, though people have remarked that this cannot be seen. I apparently come across as a person who is perfectly at ease. But I hate social functions and much rather stay at home. This means I'm at home a lot, most of the time actually, but I would like to get rid of the fear so I could also go to a class or so. It's "safe" at home, but terribly lonely at times too.
ReplyDeleteKlaaske, I get lonely at times, too. I hope taking these classes and participating will help me.
DeleteGood for you, Tina, for taking those classes. As you say, I'm sure just "getting out" will be beneficial to you. As far as social anxiety goes, I know very few people who really enjoy all types of social interactions, especially the "forced" kind. I just feel these types of things are hard for most of us, though I guess it's a matter of degree as to whether it technically becomes a "problem" or not. As for me, I'd much rather curl up with a good book at home than go to a cocktail party (not that I get invited to many :))
ReplyDeleteJanet, I agree. I'm not sure if I have a big problem or not. I've been working since I was a young woman and have been "out there" in the working world. I just don't like a lot of social stuff. But it's not like I have a full calendar of parties, either! :-)
DeleteOh yes, I do have to force myself to be social. I've done well w/ things like running groups in the past - where there is a common interest.
ReplyDeleteI took a communion class when I was 13 and I still remember it very well.
Lisa, that's a good point, to find others with a common interest. I think that helps me in classes that I take.
DeleteI am so happy for you, Tina!
ReplyDeleteI too struggle with social anxiety and really have to push myself out the door.
I have to push myself, too, Elizabeth, but find that most of the time, I'm glad I did.
DeleteI'm your basic hermit! My kindergarten report card says that I"m "withdrawn" but seem to be happy playing alone, and that's a good description.
ReplyDeleteI recently signed up for a class to learn to spin yarn (and to try to be more social), but I'm the only one in the class. *giggles at irony* Actually, it's probably good for me to start out just working with an instructor -- I'm fine one on one. She's nudging me to join a spinning group...we'll see. Groups usually don't work well for me, but I'm sure I'll give it a go.
We've been more social in our new hometown than I'm used to. I'm learning to make sure to give myself alone time after these events to calm down and rest. In other words, while I'm learning to be more social, I also respect and honor my introverted nature. It's a balancing act.
Nadine, How fun--a spinning class! I would love to hear more about that. I would love to learn how to do that myself.
DeleteI know what you mean about taking time to calm down and rest. We introverts gather our energy from being alone, apparently.
Your church holds interesting classes Tina. Good for you and I hope the class tonight went well and you enjoyed it. I am not good in large groups of people I prefer smaller groups and one to ones as well. I think going to a class is a good way of meeting people and socialising.
ReplyDeleteThank you, the class did go well, and I think it will be good for me--a learning experience and a chance to be with others.
DeleteI'm like Sunny..it is hard to get me out there but once I do, I am a conversationalist and enjoy my time with people. I think my husband is good at getting me out, and I think it's really good for me to be with people. But given the option of getting out or curling up with a good book I want to read so sometimes I have to just trust that it is good for me to be social once in awhile.
ReplyDeleteI love classes and the ones you are taking sound very interesting. I hope you enjoy them.
Thank you, Krystal Lynn, I am enjoying them so far. That's good that your husband helps you get out. Encouragement from others helps!
DeleteI miss school. I should start to go to mass again but I am not aware my church would offer stuff like that.
ReplyDeleteI miss school, too, Jen. I guess that's why I like taking classes elsewhere, where they're available.
DeleteTina, those classes sound fascinating! I hope you'll blog about your discussions!
ReplyDelete(And I love school supplies too. Maybe it's a writer thing? :-))
Jackie, I'll probably end up blogging about some of it. That's funny that so many people like school/office supplies. I used the think I was just weird. :-)
DeleteGood for you, on taking a class! I have actually been thinking about doing the same thing. Socially, with me it comes and goes, I can be a social butterfly in some instances and completely withdrawn in others, maybe it has something to do with my MI. All in all I do think I enjoy being with others especially like you, in a academically inclined environment.
ReplyDeleteMadison, I guess it's easier for me to have something to "do" in a social atmosphere, like take a class. I hope you find a class you're interested in taking!
DeleteTina , I'm glad that you are in the SS discussion class also. I enjoy your company & value your perspective. You will bring a lot to the group.
ReplyDeleteThis kind of group does give us the opportunity to get to know people. Mervin & I went thru the ALPHA group years ago, first as guests, then several times as hosts. Talking with people informally, about important issues, helps you make connections, discern character, and learn from each other. I have enjoyed continuing to work with these people, watchiing them grow and serve, watching the children of some of them grow.
My mother did her best, but I'm definitely not comfortable with social situations. I love people,value them, like to learn more about them, but am no good at surface chit chat. I just try to do the best I can with what I am...
Carolyn, I am glad you're in the discussion class too. I'm look forward to getting into the book!
DeleteThe best we can with who we are--sounds like a good guide.
Congrats, Tina Girl! You rock. Your therapist must be so proud of you, leaving your comfort zone like this. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a social butterfly either although I find that I can chit chat with just about anyone, as long as it's superficial. And I'm a good listener but I get nervous when the conversation turns to things about me. It's easier to write in cases like this.
The last class I took was at the community college. It was a class for women returning to the work force after being stay-at-home moms. It was a wonderful opportunity to bond with the women of the class. When I took the Master Gardener class in 2002 it was the same thing--bonding with the classmates. This is priceless!
Good luck with your classes. Not only will you learn new things, you're going to make new friends. A win-win.
Thank you for your encouragement, Grace! Someday, I'd like to take a Master Gardener class--I have so much to learn!
DeleteYes, that's me. And that's one of the major things i'm 'working' on. I like classes as a way to talk to people too. I'm ok in small groups where the subject matter is already there to discuss. It's small talk and meeting new people i have a hard time with. I;ve thot about taking a class at my local uv or college, but i'm not interested in test-taking or homework right now.
ReplyDeleteSo what i'm working on is talking to strangers- people at my dog obedience class, the hotel i'm going to for the next couple of days,etc. Just chit-chat. I meant to do it at the dog class last sat. but i totally forgot! Too engrosed in trying to get my dog to obey, to worry about the others! Better luck next Sat., i hope.
Have fun in your classes! I hope you'll meet a new friend or two. But if not, at least you'll know a few more people to say 'hi' to every Sun. morning. Great way to meet people!