“You have to be willing to act differently than how you feel.”
When my therapist said that to me during a recent session, I knew he had spoken wisdom to me and that I was going to get a lot of help from those words.
With obsessive compulsive disorder, I often feel uncertain, guilty, afraid and hopeless. I’m not always steeped in those feelings, but I often have them.
When I’m feeling like that, I don’t always act in ways that move me towards improvement in OCD.
For example, if I’m feeling uncertain, it’s easy to give in to a compulsive urge to check to make sure the lights are out in the basement.
If I’m feeling afraid, I may check the coffee maker again and again to ensure that it’s unplugged.
If I’m feeling hopeless, I’m close to giving up on resisting compulsive urges.
To act differently than how I feel is to refuse to check the lights again. It’s to walk away from the coffee maker. It’s to fight a compulsive urge one more time.
Those actions I take are going to be what changes me and improves my OCD.
Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz speaks of this when he discusses refocusing in “Brain Lock.”
I recently wrote about the four steps that Schwartz outlines and explains in his book.
After relabeling and reattributing the OCD obsessions and compulsions, the next step is to refocus: “You walk away from the sink without washing your hands and do something worthwhile that makes you happy. You do not attempt to make the OCD go away through some kind of magical understanding of what it is and what it means (p. 72).
Schwartz also writes the following: “The key to Refocusing is to realize that you must go on to another behavior even though the OCD thought or feeling is still there. You’re not going to let those thoughts or feelings determine what you do (p. 73).
Those words were life changing the first time I read them, and they still are. For me, they mean that I don’t have to be a victim to how I feel.
My therapist’s words reminded me of how important actions are.
Acting differently from how I feel is not always easy. Schwartz incorporates the idea of a 15-minute rule in the refocusing step: “The idea is to delay your response to an obsessive thought or to your urge to perform a compulsive behavior by letting some time elapse—preferably at least 15 minutes—before you even consider acting on the urge or thought (p. 212).
At first it might be necessary to set smaller time limits, Schwartz said, but you shouldn’t give in to the compulsion unless some time has gone by.
The time should be spent in doing “any pleasant, constructive behavior,” and after the 15 minutes have ended, “reassess the urge. Ask yourself if there’s been any change in intensity and make note of any change. Even the smallest decrease may give you the courage to wait longer. You will be learning that the longer you wait, the more the urge will change” (p. 212-213).
Actions are what count, Schwartz said.
Some might call this “fake it until you make it.” Do you ever do that? What kind of results have you had?
I definitely agree that acting differently can change outcomes, regardless of what changes an individual is trying to make. Great post Tina!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Keith. I agree that these strategies can work with things other than OCD too.
DeleteI love the 15-minute idea -- what a great way to practice different behavior and to help the urge pass! It's such a great strategy.
ReplyDeleteNadine, I like it too. I figure I can do anything for 15 minutes!
DeleteI think this is similar the advice for food cravings for dieters. If you're craving something like chocolate, you are supposed to go for a walk or something to see if the craving will pass.
ReplyDeleteI think it is, too, Lisa. Anything where the key is to delay doing something. I think, too, it's like replacing a bad habit with a better habit.
DeleteA really good post. Waiting has always been part of my strategy, but I haven't been as consistent with making sure the waiting time is spent doing something constructive and uplifting. I'll focus more on this in the future.
ReplyDeleteAdventures in Anxiety Land
It's hard for me to remember sometimes, too. I need reminders like my therapist gave me that action is so important to my healing.
DeleteGood stuff. Really needed this today.
ReplyDeleteThank you, and I hope it helps! :-)
DeleteFirst off, love the upshot photo of the trees.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, this is fascinating therapy, and I can see how it would work over time to help you.
I need to incorporate some of that into the issues I deal with in my life. I'll let you know how it works ;-).
Thanks, Rebecca. Yeah, I think it can be helpful in many areas. I think even people without OCD get hung up too much in thinking they have to act like they feel, and it doesn't have to be like that.
DeleteI have such a hard time waiting... the times I do though, the urge does indeed pass.
ReplyDeletePatience is not myh strong suit, either, but you're right--the urges do pass if we just wait 'em out.
DeleteGreat post! Doing something different often seems to translate into "doing the opposite." Instead of dwelling on you anxiety, you are supposed to do something pleasant. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Janet! You're right--it often means the opposite. I even walk in the opposite direction sometimes to get away from the sink, the light bulb, whatever. I used to have an incredibly hard time focusing on anything else when I was feeling anxious. It is slowly becoming easier.
DeleteHi Tina, Sorry I've been away so long. Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere, years ago that the only way you can stop thinking about something is to consciously think about something else. For example if I'm thinking about the number 8, I can't just stop thinking about it. I have to think about the number 3, for example. Then I'm no longer thinking about number 8. Easy in theory, not always so easy in practice. One day at a time, right? :)
Hi, Grace, good to hear from you, as always. Yes, I think the part of the theory is to replace one behavior with another. Some people advise when trying to stop a bad habit to replace it with a good one. Of course, you're right in that it's easier said than done! :-)
Delete