Monday, July 2, 2012

Have OCD? You have something to be proud of

Trees: symbols of strength to me.
I’ve been reading Freedom From Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty, by Jonathan Grayson, Ph.D., and though I’ve experienced OCD for most of my life, and I’ve read a lot about it over the years, this book is reminding me that I still have much to learn.
I like how Grayson specifically addresses people with OCD. Anytime he addresses “you,” he’s talking to OCD sufferers.
And his writing starts off with a bang by raising our awareness that those of us with OCD have a lot to be proud of.

Proud?
  I’ve written before about my first psychiatrist called me “high functioning” and how disconcerting that was to me. I didn’t feel like I was functioning very well on any level because obsessions and compulsions filled all of my time.
What I had been able to do, though, was to stay in school, complete a master’s degree and make good headway into a doctoral program. I was able to teach writing and literature classes. I had my own apartment and paid my bills.
What I may be have been displaying is something Grayson referred to in his book: “You [people with OCD] function in the world, and you don’t appear to be in obvious distress. Unlike the extreme cases publicized in the press and on talk shows, your OCD doesn’t seem to be much of a difficulty to live with” (p. 4).
In 1990, I managed to live an outwardly “normal” life while struggling with OCD.
To OCD sufferers, Grayson said, “This ability of yours to successfully function under stress has a special name: competence” (p. 5).
Grayson said all people who are successful have this ability to perform well under stress, but they have to rely on the ability less than people with OCD.

Think about it

If you have OCD, have you ever been able to go to school, go to work, work at home, volunteer, take care of children, or do anything at all even while feeling extreme anxiety from your obsessions and compulsions? Then you were displaying competence.
Of course, there are times when none of us can be competent in this sense of the word. Hard times come and it’s all we can do to get through the day and have time to do anything other than rituals.
But look back over your life and consider how much you have accomplished, despite having OCD.

Competence: helpful and not helpful

Grayson said competence could be a positive thing and a negative thing.
“On the one hand, it allows you to function in the world. . . . It is important for you to recognize this strength in yourself” (p. 5).
Reading that made me feel proud of not only myself but of all of you dealing with OCD. I agree with this statement of Grayson’s: “Bravery is not a feeling; bravery is how you behave when you are scared. You are among the bravest people I know. The strength and competence you are accustomed to using in order to get through your daily life can help you succeed in treatment” (p. 5).
Competence has a negative side, too, according to Grayson: “It has led many of you to delay seeking treatment. After all, if you are trying to hide your problem, seeking treatment might be a flag to others that something is wrong” (p. 5).
And just because we are able to function doesn’t mean we’re not suffering: “Though you may succeed in appearing ‘normal’ to the outside world, you know something that non-sufferers don’t: You know how anxious you feel” (p. 6).
People with OCD are not better or stronger than the general population. But we display strength that is worthy of mention.
So take a minute to delight in your strength, and make plans to use it for the good.

  If you have OCD, have you ever considered yourself brave and strong? If you know someone with OCD, have you ever witnessed those qualities in him or her? For all of you, how do you define strength?

22 comments:

  1. Competence is certainly a pro and a con sort of thing. I am glad for the times I can function, but irritated at society for having such a stigma against appearing 'ill.' I have often felt that I must act as 'well' as possible or risk rejection and loss of support. Most of that was depression taking, but not all of it. And I still get a little nuts when people say things like "well, you are clearly not that bad/sick/whatever." I do have to agree that there is an incredible sort of bravery to have to confront something every day that You Think Is Going To Kill You, and deal with it anyway.
    Adventures in Anxiety Land

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    1. I agree that there's a stigma against appearing ill, as you say. I'm sorry that you've had people tell you that you were clearly not that sick. That's terrible! I would be very upset too.

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  2. You definitely display strength that is worthy of mention, and your writing and ability to share your journey with others is worthy of mention too. Thanks for sharing this quote: “Bravery is not a feeling; bravery is how you behave when you are scared." It's a gem.

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    1. Becky, Thank you for your kind and generous words! I like that quote, too.

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  3. What a neat way to look at it. I always think you're brave anyhow, just being open enough to blog about it. I am turning to you for inspiration for an upcoming guest post - I'm going to try to write about my PPD after the twins, which I have been (so far) unable to do. But I'm hoping just reading your lovely musings will help me work up the nerve.

    Also, you totally have to get those veggie ribs! They are so yummy - when I was vegan many years ago they were one of my fav lunches to take to work.

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    1. Lisa, I know you will do a beautiful job with the guest post. You are a lovely and honest writer, and that always shines through.

      My husband likes the Morningstar black bean burgers, so maybe I can get him to like the ribs too! :-)

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  4. Thank you for reminding me of that, Tina! I love, love, LOVE Grayson and his book. I met him once briefly at the OC Conference in D.C. a few years ago. I was in a bad state and (to my horror) completely fell apart when talking to him. He was as kind and gracious as he seemed to be from his book. He is seriously one of my real life heroes. He has given his professional life to helping us.

    I may be biased, of course, but I agree wholeheartedly with what Grayson said about people with OCD. Just surviving through each day can be a monumental task. It is made all the worse because, as you reminded us, NO ONE KNOWS. No one knows the daily terror and torment. I truly love, admire, and respect my fellow sufferers (of course that means you too!).

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    1. Sunny, thank you! :-)

      I have gotten the sense from reading his writing that Grayson truly cares for and is passionate about helping his patients with OCD.

      I think sometimes, when no one knows that we're suffering, it becomes harder to get through something, because there's no one there to support us. Does that make sense?

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    2. Yes, it does make sense. My family now truly understands (as much as is possible for non-sufferers) my OCD. That has been huge, because I feel like people close to me "get" me. I don't feel nearly as alone.

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  5. I read that book also, loved it and remember smiling when he, Dr. Grayson, reminded us of our competence and strength. I worked in Center City Philadelphia for a few years and walked and drove by his office on Walnut almost daily not knowing it. For one thing I was doing really well with my OCD and not even in therapy. But a year ago, I read a book by Dr. Grayson so I recognized the name and was in Philly on business, walking up Walnut and saw his name plate on the OCD & Anxiety Center and I was stunned..wish I had made an appt. back then and gotten in there because even though I was doing well, I think it would have helped me to be seen by experts. In retrospect, I could kick myself.
    I know OCD has made me a valuable employee, I have had many superiors come and tell me that they needed me to do a certain project because they knew I would get it done correctly and on time and they couldn't entrust it to anyone else. I would love to be rid of OCD but if I have to live with it, then I may as well appreciate it's perks. My children have told me that my having OCD has given them empathy and compassion for people with depression, anxiety and OCD - probably mental illness in general.
    I think everyone is fighting a battle of some sort, even people who we think have it all. I think when things are going swimmingly it is easy to be pleasant, joyful, giving of ourselves but our real character (and strength) is revealed in how we overcome the obstacles in our lives.

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    1. Very wise words, Krystal. I agree with you that our character shines forth in how we overcome or get through the hard times.

      Wouldn't if be great to get treatment from such an expert as Grayson?

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  6. Thanks for this post, Tina, and as an outsider looking in, I have often said that those with OCD are some of the bravest people I know. As you say, the downside of hiding OCD and appearing to function "normally" is that treatment is often delayed, and many suffer in silence because nobody knows what's really going on.
    You show us how brave you are with every one of your posts...you should be proud of yourself!!

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    1. Janet, thank you for your encouragement--it means a lot!

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  7. I'm simply a very proud mom. My two sons didn't have an easy time, loosing their father at a young age and immigrating to a strange country with only their mom. But they both say I was the one that got them through it all, despite suffering from OCD and bipolar disorder. They turned out to be such nice young men that are compassionate and understanding toward other people.
    They make me feel I accomplished quite something in life.

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    1. Klaaske, I would say you certainly have accomplished great things. There are few things, if any, as important as raising fine children, and it sounds like you had the strength and love to do that. You should be proud of yourself!

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    2. Klaaske, do you have a blog? If so, and you'd like to, please share your link for us!

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    3. Sorry Tina, I don't have a blog.

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  8. I love this post.

    When I first started therapy, my therapist told me how strong I was to accomplish all I have with school and working because he said having OCD and then also hiding it have always been two big extra loads/ jobs you carry around with you. I never ever thought of it that way before.

    I like how GRayson calls that being competent. I am going to have to read that book!

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    1. I like how your therapist characterized the OCD and the hiding of it as jobs. They really are tiring like jobs!

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  9. This is very interesting, as I do tend to function better in a stressful environment! Maybe that's what I am more aquainted with. But, we do function under stress every day, so, we're bound to get good at it!

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    1. Yes, we do get to practice the anxiety a lot, unfortunately!

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  10. I am late to the comment party, but have been mulling over this post for the past couple of days. Sometimes there is such a contrast between the pain and desperation I feel inside and my outside life. I love that Grayson affirms how real the suffering is, though to "outsiders" it doesn't appear to be a big deal. Sometimes I feel frustrated when my parents and husband tell me how well I'm doing, because like you, I DON'T feel I'm doing well on the inside!

    I've started to consider the invisibility of OCD from another light - it is so painful and debilitating and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, yet it is a disorder that allows me to not only keep a semblance of normal life, but do well. Like you, I have an M.A. (well, almost! in August) and a good job. I'm thankful the disorder isn't to the point where it shuts me off from participating in life with other people.

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