I hate washing dishes.
I can’t believe that when I was a small girl, I actually liked it. That was before obsessive-compulsive symptoms caught on to what I was doing, and I could just enjoy swishing around the water and soap.
As I got older, washing dishes became a painful chore.
Push the plate down in the water. Submerge it completely. Lift one edge up. Use the dishcloth to wipe the eating side. Turn the plate over. Wipe the bottom. Turn the plate over. Wipe the eating side. Turn the plate over. Wipe the bottom. Turn on the water. Rinse the eating side. Rinse the bottom. Turn the plate in circles. Rinse the eating side. Rinse the bottom. Rinse the eating side. Rinse the bottom. Rinse the eating side. Rinse the bottom. Turn the plate in circles. Rinse the eating side. Rinse the bottom.
I was obsessed with not cleaning the dishes enough. So I compulsively washed and rewashed them. I was also obsessed with rinsing all the soap off, because if others ate soap, it would make them sick. And it would be my fault.
So I washed and I rinsed. And I took a lot of time doing it.
My mother criticized me for the time I took and the water I used. It was a waste, she said.
When I was about 12, I was trying frightfully hard to be good, though I came up with plenty of sins to confess in my compulsive prayers and chants.
I decided that I needed to help my mother around the house more. So I offered to wash the dishes for one meal a day without being asked.
What a torture I was putting myself through!
Around the same time, I stayed with one of my aunts while my father was in the hospital and my mother was with him.
I felt like I was in the way, so I offered to help by washing the dishes.
And I set about it in my usual way.
While I was washing, my aunt received a phone call. I heard her say, “She’s washing the dishes.” Pause. “Well, she’s a little slow.”
I remember that I felt like I was being unhelpful after all.
Today, I have a dishwasher that takes care of most of the dishes. But we still wash some by hand, including the cats’ bowls.
Even today, though I don’t have the same problem with the washing, I still rinse the dishes longer than my husband does. I have a holdover fear that I’ll leave soap residue on the dishes and someone will get sick. And it would be my fault.
Have you ever had obsessions and compulsions about washing dishes? What household chores did you have to do as a child?
I don't remember what chores I didn't have to do as a child. as early as 5 years I was responsible for the kitchen, the bathroom, the yard my bedroom. I think I need to have a talk with my mother...loool. with the dishes...I wash them before I put them in the dishwasher. this drives my husband mad. I see the dishwasher as my dish sorter and dryer.
ReplyDeleteTruth, I do the same thing--get the dishes clean before I put them in the dishwasher!
DeleteTina! I just did the sane thing tonight when I pulled out a pan and saw it had soap residue on it! Rewash! Rinse, rinse again, again, again, one more time to be sure it was all off. Then I worried about it as I cooked. What if I didn't get all of it off?? What if I
ReplyDeleteMade someone sick?? Uh. My mind can be my enemy sometimes!!
Shannon, you and me both!
DeleteI never had problems with cleaning things, or the dishes.
ReplyDeleteOnly with cleaning myself, but even that was for a relatively short time. And my mom was a stay at home mom, who did most of the work herself, so I just had to make my bed and make sure my room was tidy. I had a very easy and happy childhood when it comes to that.
Klaaske, The chores didn't hurt me. The OCD just made them harder. OCD affects us in so many different ways.
DeleteYou are so right that chores don't hurt, I definitely made my kids do them. I just wonder about my mom sometimes as she always wanted to do the cleaning herself, feeling we would not do it good enough. She still does everything herself. Maybe I inherited OCD from her.
DeleteKlaaske, my mother saved certain chores for herself, too. I think she, too, was afraid we wouldn't do them as good as she could.
DeleteOh, how tortuous!
ReplyDeletePearl
Pearl, It certainly seemed like it! :-) Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteUgh, I absolutely hate washing dishes! I feel like I can never get them really clean and sterilized.
ReplyDeleteHow painful your whole ritual was, especially for a child. And I hurt along with you hearing your aunt's words - all she could see was the imperfection, not the willingness to help. So hurtful for a sensitive child especially.
I'm glad I have a dishwasher now--it at least cuts down on the amount of dishwashing I have to do. And my husband does a lot of it.
DeleteI really fear washing dishes too, but only if other people outside of my family are going to eat on them. I think it's because I know that my family members will still love me even if my dirty dishes make them sick. I know, this thought is totally whacked. I should care more about my own family instead of others.
ReplyDeleteSunny, I had to laugh at your comment and what you said about it being "totally whacked." Nothing about OCD really makes sense, does it?
DeleteI confess that washing dishes is probably my least favorite chore. Something about old food totally grosses me out. I have to wash dishes immediately after eating. If the dish has sat for a while, I can't do it - ick!! I've been like that as long as I can remember - no clue why it bugs me so much. I still have horror memories of when I was a teen and my mom made me wash an old spaghetti dish, LOL!
ReplyDeleteI bet your dishes are truly sparkling.
Lisa, I'm like that--I like to do them right after they've been used.
DeleteI washed dishes as a kid, and I am now grateful for my dishwasher. My Mom still washes by hand, though. I had to vacuum every friday. My stepdad wanted me to vacuum daily, but Mom only made me do it on Fridays.
ReplyDeleteHeather, Thank goodness for dishwashers! I would rather vacuum than wash dishes. LOL
DeleteMost of our dishes go in the dishwasher but when I'm at my daughters house there's always more dishes than what can fit so I will often offer to wash them. I don't mind dishes, I do rinse them off really good and probably more than normal but not because I think people will get sick, I am just afraid I'll leave soap on and they will be dirty. I would way rather do the dishes than take the garbage out or do laundry so it's a good way for me to help. Vacuuming is my nightmare, I will easily get stuck going back over areas and that can take me forever to do a room.
ReplyDeleteI really never did chores as a kid. Once in awhile I wiped the dishes dry while my mom washed them but even that was rare. My husband had to show me how to operate a washer when we got married. My mom didn't like us doing stuff because she didn't think we'd do it right..even if I made my bed I could tell she re-made it after I went to school. That made me feel bad so even though I had OCD I let my kids make their beds and even if they had huge lumps in the middle I would let it be because I wanted them to know what they did was helpful.
Krystal, That was such a good thing you did for you children!
DeleteOhhh washing the dishes. I too have a ritual about this.
ReplyDeleteI used to be so worried about leaving any soap on the dishes!
I would also burn my hands because I would have to have the water as hot as possible to wash and rince.
Ugh....OCD really makes everything so much harder and more time consuming!
Elizabeth, I use the hot, hot water, too. Yes, the rituals can become soooooo time consuming.
DeleteWhen I was little, I was quite slow at washing dishes. My mom thought it was because I daydreamed (I did that, too). But one time, I timed how long it took me to wash and rinse a mug while intentionally paying attention. 5 minutes. In my favore, these mugs were of plastic and had crevises that collected dirt. Not in my favor, these cups were only used for water and each was always used by the same person (but they all got dried on the same towel!). I probably still daydreamed, because it was pretty hard not to get on some tangent, even if the tangent was "I need to wash this quickly. Why am I so slow? Am I daydreaming?" I'm much faster now, though still not the fastest. As for dishwasher machines, they often don't get food off. Thus, I consider them sanitizers and prefer to get all the food off before they go in so they can come out closer to shiney. And silverware at resteraunts? "Oh, don't worry, the remnant food on the silverware was sanitized."
ReplyDeleteNo dish washing OCD's....not for me. Surprising....hmmm. Love this post. Love your insight.
ReplyDelete