A bit more time . . .

We are supposed to get more snow today.

I’ve been on a break since Feb. 21. Though I miss you, dear readers, I’ve gotten a lot from my time away from the blogosphere.

I’ve decided to take a bit more time away to gather my creative juices and take deep, deep breaths.

So my plans are to return to blogging next Monday, March 10. I will try to stop by and visit you. In the meantime, I haven’t forgotten you and look forward to connecting soon.

Random 5 Friday: The last day of January

Happy Friday to you on this last day of January! Can you believe the first month of 2014 is almost over? It seems to have flown by.

I’m joining Nancy of A Rural Journal for Random 5 Friday. Check out Nancy’s blog to find more posts where bloggers share their random facts.

 

Snow on the camellia bush.

One

We had another snowfall this week. We were supposed to get mostly flurries in our area, but we got more than that.

The roads were treacherous Tuesday night. I had to work at the newspaper office into the evening, but Larry came to the office and followed me home in case I had trouble getting up any of the hills. I made it fine, but it was nice knowing he was behind me.

Two

My work week at the newspaper wasn’t as hectic as I thought it would be. A trial set for Wednesday went to a plea last Friday.

Three

My schedule seems to be different every week and can change at the last minute. That makes it hard to have a lot of week-to-week routine.

I am working on finding a more peaceful morning routine. It’s hard for me to get up early before it’s light outside, but I feel so much better when I get an early start.

I have got to stop hitting that snooze button.

What time do you get up in the morning?

Four

My skin is suffering from the cold, dry air of winter. My hands look like claws. They’re not like they were when washing OCD ruled my habits, but they are dry and rough. I have dry patches on my face, too.

I probably don’t put enough lotion on. I don’t like the thick feeling of too much lotion, and it seems to make my face oily if I’m not careful.

What lotion do you use for dry skin? Do you know of anything that moisturizes without leading to breakouts?

Five

Chase Bird loves to curl up in small, dark, warm spaces, especially during the day. To accommodate him, we arrange a kitty blanket over different chairs, wherever he’s hanging out, so he can hide away and sleep.

Here’s one we fixed in the den. It’s where Larry usually sits when he’s watching TV. But he gives up the chair for his Chase Bird.

The changing of the seasons, a time to change

Happy Autumn! I am so happy it’s officially the fall of the year. I love the chill in the air in the morning and in the evening, and the reduced humidity.

My husband and I went out into the yard today with our cameras, looking for signs of fall. We still have a lot of green, but there are signs that the foliage will turn soon.

And here’s a wee acorn sprouting up on an oak tree branch.

Soon enough the acorns will be raining down, providing a vast supply for our neighborhood squirrels. And sometimes leaving little dents in my car.

I feel like fall is a new beginning. Maybe it’s because I went to school for so many years, but with the fall of the year, I get a yearning to start anew, to try new things, to get organized.

Lately, I’ve been finding pieces of wisdom about using our time wisely on the Internet and elsewhere. I haven’t been purposely looking for it as much as it just seems to have shown up.

I’ve been reminded about the preciousness of time, of how we’re all given the same amount of time, how we can easily make the excuse that we don’t have time to do something that is important.

On Sunday, I went to the store and bought some lavender legal pads and purple ink pens to use for creating lists and plans to help me achieve some things I want to achieve.

Why the special paper and pens? Well, I love office and school supplies. And I wanted something pretty and special to use for something so important.

I’m starting out with lists of what I want to accomplish, from the big, life-changing things to the small ones. I’m going to gradually break things down into doable goals that will help me plan each week as it comes.

I’m not starting from scratch. I’ve done this before on the job, when I worked as a health educator. At my current job, I keep a list, or budget, of the stories I need to follow in the future, then transfer those items to weekly lists.

I know what my priorities are. I know many of the things I want to accomplish.

It’s time I applied a more organized approach to the rest of my life.

Again, I’m not starting from scratch.

But I do have a new sense of urgency to not let time slip by any longer without me using it the best I can.

I won’t be giving up on spontaneity, and I won’t panic if I don’t follow to the letter everything I write down.

But my tendency is to procrastinate. My tendency is to think instead of act. My tendency is to push things aside for later. My tendency is to drift along, with no plan.

Some of this comes from having OCD. OCD used to rule my life so much, tell me what I had to do when, that I rebelled against routine.

Some of this comes from having depression. When you’re depressed, it’s hard to see the point in planning. It’s sometimes hard to have the energy or desire to do anything beyond the basics.

But I need more routine. I need a plan. I need accomplishments.

As the leaves change, as the weather changes, so I need to change. As the leaves drop off the trees, letting go for the winter, so I need to let go of certain habits.

I’ll share more as I move forward in this journey.

How do you ensure that you get the important things done?

Ready for the dirt, and other randoms

Hello! It’s Friday, and I’m participating in a meme I enjoy so much, Random 5 Friday, hosted by Nancy at A Rural Journal.

It has been a strange and seemingly endless week. I was busy but feeling a bit under the weather. So if I didn’t visit your blog as usual or if I commented way after the post was published, I apologize.

And now for the randoms for the week!

One

Larry has nearly finished the raised bed garden. It’s ready for the dirt and, in due time, seeds and plants.

The bed is mostly fenced in to keep out the wildlife critters that visit our yard. The two ends will be open, so I’m sure the animals will get a little bit of something.

The enclosed bed is 4 feet by 12 feet. To make access easier, Larry put in two gates on both sides.

When I went to get my camera to take the photos of the finished project Thursday evening, I couldn’t find it. So these photos are taken with my iPhone.

Two

It worried me that I couldn’t find my camera. I take it to work each day and bring it back home every night. I thought I had brought it home Wednesday night (I was off on Thursday). But it wasn’t in my car or on the table in the living room.

I thought I must have left it at the office, but I couldn’t be sure. And I didn’t want to wonder all night about it until Friday morning.

So Larry went with me to the office Thursday evening to retrieve my camera.

It was in the office, thank goodness. And while we were out, we saw the almost-full moon and I got some pictures.

Three

This week has seemed so long. The visitation and funeral for my aunt were Monday evening and Tuesday morning, respectively. It was good to see cousins that I hadn’t seen in years, but sad that the only time I see them is when someone dies.

The funeral was in my “home church,” the church I grew up in in the community I grew up in. The memories flowed as I drove down the country roads to the church, and as I walked through the cemetery, where many of my family members, including my father, are buried.

Four

I started taking antibiotics this week for an ear infection. My right ear started hurting Monday, and by Monday night, the hearing was muffled in that ear. I didn’t have time to see the doctor until Wednesday.

I’ve had ear problems off and on since I was a little girl. When I was a child, my mother would warm a towel in the oven (NOT a safe idea, by the way) and lay it on my pillow. I would lie down with my ear on the warm towel, and it felt so good.

Five

I work 32 hours a week, so I usually have Thursdays off. When I reduced my hours earlier this year, I knew I would enjoy the extra time at home. I just didn’t know how much I would enjoy it.

Lately, I’ve been seeing quotes here and there and reading articles with really good advice about time management. I think I’m getting the message that I need to start making better use of my time.

Do you ever feel like you’re seeing or hearing the words you need to at just the right time?

What I did during my vacation week (and boy, do I need a routine)

Today I’m returning to work after being off for a week. I had nine days in a row to do what I wanted to do, nine days to not feel like I had to stay plugged into the news, nine days of freedom.

No, I’m not ready to go back to work. But a little part of me is glad to go back only to have more of a routine. Having a routine is helpful for both my depression and my OCD.

First, the vacation week:

*I read a lot, hung out with Larry and with the cats, took naps and just generally relaxed.

*I finally transferred my music library from iTunes to my iPhone. I’ve only had my iPhone for five months.

*I had to get my driver’s license renewed, so I had to spend a little time at the DMV, but it wasn’t too bad. The new picture on the license? Larry said it looked like a mug shot, and it does. And I’m going to have to live with it for at least eight years.

*Larry took me to the bookstore and waited while I picked out a stack of books for my birthday. I was like the proverbial kid in the candy store.

*We had a nice dinner out for my birthday. While we were eating, Larry noticed what he at first thought was a pheasant out the window. Turns out it was a peacock. The waitress told us he had recently taken up there. I got a photo of him on my iPhone through the window, so it's not a great shot.

*We drove up to Leesville Lake, a nearby lake, one evening and enjoyed the peace and quiet and beauty of the water.

It was a wonderful nine days. But they didn’t include a lot of routine. Not having a routine is OK for a while, but overall I feel better if I do have one.

For example, during my time off, I stayed up late, then slept late or napped at odd hours. Getting up at different times led me to take my medicine at different times and to eat at different times.

Going back to work will help me sleep and eat more regularly.

Staying busy with work also helps my depression and OCD by keeping my mind on other things. I don’t have as much down time, so I don’t have as much time to mull over things that might cause anxiety.

With all of that said, my routine still needs help. I’d like to have a routine that suits me even when I’m not working.

I’d like to get up earlier in the morning. I’d like to write on more of a regular schedule. I’d like to have time set aside each day for meditation and reflection. I’d like to have less empty time where I can’t decide what to do. I’d like to live with a more peaceful rhythm.

It’s hard work to change one’s routine. I know that from experience.

So I’m asking you, dear reader, to please offer me and other readers some tips and advice. How important is a routine to you? Does your life have a rhythm? How do you manage your schedule? How do you make yourself get up early in the morning?

About birthdays and turning 50

   I’m writing about an upcoming milestone birthday for my Random 5 Friday this week.

I’ve got some trepidation about getting older, but I’m not moaning and groaning about it. I’m grateful for the time I’ve had and for the time I have left.

Random 5 Friday is a weekly meme started by Nancy at A Rural Journal. Link up and join in if you’d like—it’s fun!

One

I will turn 50 years old next Thursday. I have truly mixed feelings about it. I usually enjoy my birthdays and don’t mind getting older. I see a birthday as a new beginning, a new phase. This time, I am not sure. I’m a bit unsettled about it.



Me at age 10.



Two

I remember my mother saying she didn’t mind turning 40. But when 50 came around, it was jarring for her. I remember her saying that my father asked her, “How does it feel to be a half-century old?”

That was almost 36 years ago. Now I’m turning a half-century old. Wow. I can’t quite wrap my head around that.



Me at 26.



Three

I didn’t mind turning 40 either. It was kind of fun, and funny. And 40 really was a new beginning for me. I was planning my marriage to Larry when I turned 40. We got married the November after my birthday in May.

Me and Waddles when I was 40.

Four

It’s not that I want to go back in time. My favorite age is always my current age. I wouldn’t be 20 again, or 30, or even 40 again for anything. I’m healthier, smarter about life, more sure about myself now than I have ever been. That’s a perk of my getting older.

Five

I do have a sense that I should have accomplished more in life by now. But I try to just let those thoughts float on down the river.

My dreams are still going strong on the cusp of 50. I’ve got a lot of writing to do. I’ve got my freelance editing to start. I’ve got a lot of healing left to experience, a lot of spiritual growth to work towards. I’ve got a lot of things to do for others. I’ve got growing older with Larry to look forward to. I’ve still got a lot of living left to do.

What has been your favorite age so far? What do you like about getting older?

Making the most of my time

“Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.”

 –William Penn

I’ve been imagining what others would see if they had open access to view me and my actions, hour by hour, like a fly on the wall.

I’ve not been doing this because I think my life is so interesting. I’ve been doing it as an exercise.

I’ve been on a quest to use my time more wisely, to live according to my priorities and values. I’ve written about how difficult it is for me to make plans, to motivate myself to do what’s most important for me to do.

This quest has led me to a question: How do I want to spend my time?

Which leads directly to this question: How am I spending my time now?

It’s not a pretty sight.

If others had open access to view my life, they’d see a picture of a woman who sleeps too much, spends too much time in indecision, eats without thinking. It’s a picture of a woman who wanders through her day.

How do I get to a place where I’m using my time to do the things that matter the most to me? How do I reach the point where what I’m doing reflects my values and gives my life meaning?

I’m feeling rather desperate. I’ve read books about time management. I read a great book about how habits develop.

I know that habits that I developed from having OCD are ingrained and it’s going to take a lot of work to develop new ones. I know that chronic depression makes it harder sometimes to take action.

But Lord help me, I’ve got to do better than this.

Remember what my therapist told me about what happy people do?

What they do, he said, is choose to do things according to their values. They do things that are meaningful to them, that make their lives meaningful.

I have finally taken the time to sit down with paper and pen to write. I usually compose on the computer, but when I’m trying to figure something out, trying to make plans, set goals, I find that physically moving a pen or pencil along a page helps me.

I made a list of my priorities in life. That wasn’t hard. My priorities are my relationship with God, my husband, my cats and my writing.

Under each, I’ve begun listing ways that I can better spend my time to reflect the fact that they are my priorities.

For example, to build and experience my relationship with God, I can spend time meditating and reading scripture.

To build a stronger writing life, I can spend time on my memoir, journal and read.

My next step is to start building those things into my schedule.

And there are all the connecting parts of my life to consider, too, like making time for relaxation, exercise and fun.

Once I put pen to paper and started writing, I began to feel better about my prospects. I’m planning now, making small changes along the way.

I’m moving towards making the most of my time.

How do you decide how to spend your time?

More on values: Taking care of physical health

Do you ever feel like you’re falling apart? Not mentally, but physically? In small ways, but ways that affect how you feel each day?

I’m feeling like that. And I’m also thinking about values.

First, the falling apart part:

*My right foot is hurting. For weeks—actually, months—it’s been hurting on the side of the foot. I don’t remember injuring it. I just noticed it hurting when I was walking at the Y before Christmas.

I figured it would just get better. Then it got a little worse, and I thought I might have a stress fracture, which I’ve had before.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I twisted the foot sideways as I was trying to move fast while wearing clogs, and since then, I’ve been in a lot of pain.

*My allergies have been kicking up lately. My eyes itch, I alternate between being stopped up and having a runny nose. My sinuses get tight. The dry winter air doesn’t help.

*I’ve had some bouts of trouble with irritable bowel syndrome.

*I’ve started with a bad cough.

Nothing life threatening, nothing serious. But enough wrong that I feel run down.

I haven’t been able to walk for exercise because of my foot. I’ve been sleeping more (too much) and lying around too much. I’ve been accomplishing less.

But I have some confessions:

*I still haven’t gone to the doctor about my foot. I keep thinking it will feel better “soon.” But soon has come and gone. It probably needs a doctor’s exam.

*I haven’t been eating the best of diets. I eat foods that know will have a good chance of bothering my digestive system and my energy level.

*I haven’t been diligent about using my long-acting asthma inhaler.

I’ve made vows before to take better care of myself. I have set goals that I never accomplished. But I’m not trying to go on a guilt trip in public by telling you these things. I’m leading up to my point about values.

I’ve been thinking about my values and how I use my time. I even wrote a post about it called “What do happy people do?”

There’s a connection between my feeling of physically falling apart and my values.

When I don’t properly take care of my physical health, I don’t feel like doing the things and giving my full attention to the things that matter the most to me.

Feeling as good as possible physically will help me give myself more fully to that which is most important.

And these are the things that matter the most to me:

*My husband

*My cats

*Writing

*My relationship with God

I don’t need to have reasons to exercise like, “I want to lose weight” or “I want to be fit enough to run a 5K.” Those reasons are great, and it’s helpful to set goals.

But all the reason I really need to exercise is to know that it will help me feel physically (and mentally) better and I’ll be better able to pay attention to what matters the most.

Likewise, I don’t need to have a reason like, “I want to lose weight” to eat better. All the reason I need to eat better is to, again, know that it will help me feel more like paying attention to what matters the most.

And the same for tending to any injuries and illnesses.

I now have my reason—my value—for taking better care of myself physically. All I need to do is follow through.

What are your reasons for taking good care of yourself physically? What’s your method for following through?

Making a decision, making a change

I made my decision.

I was faced with making a big decision, which I wrote about last week in a post about OCD and making decisions.

I am making a change in my work life.

Starting this week, I am lowering my work hours to 32 hours per week.

It may not seem like a big change, but for me, it’s huge.

As you may remember, I work as a newspaper reporter. My main beats are county government, the sheriff’s office and the courts.

I write about activities in local government, crimes when they occur, and the outcomes of some of those crimes in court.

Some of my days are very long, especially Tuesdays when we lay out the paper, which I also assist with.

If I have meetings in the evenings, it also makes for a long day.

Sometimes I feel like I miss the entire day in a blur because I’m wrapped up in making phone calls and conducting interviews, or I’m hunched over my computer writing a story.

I’m away from home more than I like, and I sometimes feel overwhelmed by what I have to do at work and by what I’d like to do at home.

I think this sense of being overwhelmed stems from several things, such as my temperament; my OCD, depression and anxiety; and my energy level.

It’s also affected by the nature of my job. There’s always another deadline looming ahead, another paper to plan for, another interview to conduct, more story ideas to generate. It’s easy to stay in a state of anxiety.

For a while now, I’ve been fighting the job. I’ve had a hard time getting up in the morning to go in to work. I’ve dreaded Mondays. I’ve basically lived for the weekends, and some weekends I have to work.

After I first got the idea for cutting my hours, I talked with my husband, then the newspaper’s publisher, then the editor. Then I thought some more and talked some more and asked more questions.

I prayed. I meditated.

I knew it would mean less money. Not a lot less per week, but it would add up over a year’s time.

Also, I’ve worked full time for many years. Being a full-time worker was part of my identity.

But things worked out. I made my decision. And I’m at peace with it.

Why is this a huge change for me?

It means more time.

I’ll have chunks of days or even whole days free from the confines of the job.

More time to do the writing that I want to do. To do more things at home. To perhaps start an editing business.

More time with Larry.

I hope with the step back, I’ll be able to enjoy my job more.

And I hope that I’ll feel less overwhelmed, more ready to tackle the mental health issues that affect me.

I’m so grateful that I’m able to do this now. I don’t want to take the opportunity for granted.

Have you ever made a change in your work life that had big effects on your life?