Contentment

Happy October! Now that we’ve started the first “full” month of the new season, it really feels like fall to me.

I’m writing about contentment today.

I’ve never had a desire for great excitement or daily adrenaline rushes. I’ve just wanted peace.

For me, peace is a contentment with life. It’s not a life where everything is necessarily going well, or where I’ve reached big goals.

It’s a sense of well-being, a belief that whatever life throws at me, I will handle. It’s the ability to enjoy the moment while moving toward accomplishments I’m passionate about.

I’m feeling more like that lately. With the help of my husband, my cat, my mental health treatment, the people in my day-to-day life, and you, dear readers, I am sturdier on this path I’m on.

I’m not expecting all smooth sailing up ahead. I have far to go and more battles, I’m sure.

But I am believing more in myself and my ability to build that big life—which is really a full life—that I’ve wanted.

Nature is one of the ways I connect to life. I feel a part of something bigger. Even the little bits of nature are beautiful to me.

On that note, can you stand a couple more photos of acorns?

It’s raining acorns here. At least, that what it sometimes sounds like. I sat in the car the other day and just listened to them fall, bouncing on the driveway and ground.

Larry continues to work on gathering them and getting them off the driveway. I loved this pile he made. It looks like the perfect supply for some hungry squirrels or deer.

I noticed an acorn lying flat on the bricks outside the door on my way to work one morning. That evening, I picked it up and was fascinated by the view of the inside of an acorn. In this photo, Larry is holding it up for me to get the shot.

Knitting is still going on inside the house. I bought a larger size pair of needles and some chunky yarn and started another scarf. This one is blue, a color Larry picked out. I love the flow of the bigger needles and yarn.

I’ve been feeling more content lately, and for that, I am thankful.

What has been making you content lately?

Will the squirrels come back?

“Everything is made out of Magic, leaves and trees, flowers and birds, badgers and foxes and squirrels and people. So it must be all around us.”

― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden

In 2013, the acorn crop in our area of Virginia was poor—almost nonexistent. According to the Virginia Department of Forestry, several factors could have led to the poor crop, including weather conditions during pollination.

Whatever the reasons, most of the squirrels left the neighborhood last fall.

The lack of acorns affected other wildlife, too, including black bears. This spring, there have been numerous sightings of black bears around homes in my part of the state, even in the city of Lynchburg.

I haven’t seen a bear in my neighborhood. But this spring, I’ve seen a few squirrels here and there. I recently saw one in our yard, and I grabbed my camera and got some shots through the den window.

Here, he seems to be contemplating his next move, leg in air.

Here, he’s apparently had enough of this area. Or perhaps he senses a human nearby snapping photos of him.

I hope the squirrels come back. And I hope the acorn crop is better this year, which will help other wildlife, too, including bears and deer.

“It is when we are trapped in incessant streams of compulsive thinking that the universe really disintegrates for us, and we lose the ability to sense the interconnectedness of all that exists.”

― Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose

The loss of the acorns reminds me that all of life is interconnected. What affects the tree affects the animals. What affects the animals affects humans. And on and on and on, around and around.

I like that feeling of connection. It tells me I’m not alone. None of us are. No matter how anxious or depressed I might sometimes feel, I’m not alone.

And it reminds me that the squirrel in my yard matters.

What kinds of wildlife do you find in your yard?

After the break

I took this photo of Chase Bird with my cell phone in February. I didn't take many photos during my break except those for the newspaper.

Hello, dear readers. I hope you are doing well. I’ve missed you during my two-week break!

I enjoyed the freedom from the routine of writing a post three times a week. I use that word “freedom” carefully. I love blogging and I love the interaction with readers, but I found that I needed a break from the routine, even though I love that routine.

I’ve done a lot of thinking and soul searching during my break. I’ve wondered about the future of my blog and my work.

I started my blog in November 2011 with the purpose of educating others about OCD and offering encouragement to those with OCD. At first, I mostly wrote quite specifically about OCD or the accompanying depression and anxiety that I experience.

Gradually, I started to write more about my daily life. I think the change happened logically and organically. By that I mean that it happened naturally.

I have wondered if I am of any help to those who have OCD, depression and anxiety. I have wondered if I am giving a false impression about what my blog is about. I’ve wondered if I should somehow re-label my blog, even change the title. I’ve wondered if I should keep blogging.

But I am still a woman with OCD. I still fight depression and anxiety. Though I’m in a good place, mental illness still affects me, my daily choices, my health, my outlook.

I love the connections of blogging. I love writing something that someone in another part of the world can respond to. I love learning about how others think on different topics. I love connecting with people I never would have if not for blogging.

I still believe in connection. I still believe that all of life is interconnected. I still want to help others feel less alone.

So I’m going to keep on blogging. I may decide to make some changes, and I still have a lot to consider. If any of you have any suggestions for me, I’d appreciate the input.

Meanwhile, here are a few other things I did during my blog break:

*Took Chase Bird to the vet to get his rabies shot. That’s a whole other story.

*Finally got my books sorted and put up on the bookcases we have now. Suggested to Larry that he needed to build some bookcases for the books that are still in boxes.

*Got our taxes done.

*Received an “adventurous” newspaper story assignment. Again, a whole other story.

*Got more snow, but I didn’t have time to play in it.

*Read three more John Sandford books and did various other reading.

Our place

Note: The quotations in this post are from the poem, “Wild Geese,” by Mary Oliver. To read the entire poem, go here.

“Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.”

 

Snake skin left behind in our yard.

 

Yellow leaves among the green.

Blue feather left behind in the yard.

Raindrops on blades of grass.

A bit of moss.

Bloom.

“Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.”

What helps you feel connected to the rest of creation? How important is it to you to feel connected?

Connections

May the Lord have mercy on those who are hurting.

My thoughts have been on those affected by the tornado in Oklahoma, as I’m sure yours have been, too. I’ve been thinking of those injured, of those who have lost their homes, and especially of those who have lost loved ones.

Tuesday evening I worked until about 8, then my husband picked me up and we stopped by a little diner in town for a bite to eat.

I’ve been deep into newspaper layout and editing today and didn’t come up for air very often. So Larry caught me up on the news from Oklahoma. He had been able to watch the evening newscasts.

I listened to his stories, and I realized that we’re both drawn to the personal stories, to the stories about individuals who experienced the storm, to the ways people are helping each other.

We talked about how we would handle something like that happening in Altavista, and neither one of us could truly imagine what it would be like find our home gone, our town destroyed, our lives devastated in that manner.

I would hope that we would react like so many did in the stories Larry told me: with strength, with compassion, with pluck.

I would also hope that I would remember that there were many, many people praying, sending healing thoughts, giving money and water and just connecting.

I wish I could remember it all the time. It seems like I remember it best in times of tragedy in this world. And that is this fact: we are all connected. We are all connected.

May the Lord have mercy on those who are hurting.

In what ways do you feel connected to others during hard times?

OCD, depression and the need for community

The other morning in the shower, I really, really wanted to open and close the shampoo cap just one more time. I was having anxiety about it, and I wanted to lessen it.

OCD checking in the shower has been a real problem for me lately.

Then I remembered Krystal Lynn. I remembered the way she was forging ahead with her OCD exposures. I remembered what she had written in her post “My ERP,” on her wonderful blog Sprinkle Some Sugar On Me: I Am More than OCD: “I know for the ERP to work, I need to do the opposite of what makes me less anxious and keep up the risk of doing what makes me feel uncomfortable.”

I thought, well, Krystal Lynn is doing it. I need to do it, too. So I didn’t open and close the cap a second time. I put down the bottle and went on with my shower in spite of the anxiety I felt. Pretty soon, the anxiety dissipated.

That is an example of the beauty of the community of bloggers and readers that I’ve been blessed to find.

I no longer feel alone.

I know I’m not the only one with OCD, with obsessions and compulsions that sometimes leave me at my wits end. I’m not the only one with depression or anxiety, or the only one that sometimes wonders how to get through the hard times of life.

I’m inspired daily by the blogs and comments that others write.

And I learn from what others’ are doing, from their experiences.

We all crave community, connections with others. Even those of us who are introverts need to be a part of communities.

They can be small communities and large ones. They can be in-person communities and online ones. They can be made up of people who are going through similar experiences, and they can be made up of people who are different from us but who bring their own light to the table.

I had a hard time in my “in-person” life admitting to many people that I had mental illnesses. And I didn’t find many others through the years who told me about their own mental health issues.

When I started reading blogs written by people with mental illnesses, and then when I started writing a blog, I made connections that have made a positive difference in my life, for the reasons above.

I also found blogs and made connections with people who don’t have mental illnesses but have a sensitivity about others and an understanding of how to be supportive of others. I’ve learned so much about the beautiful things in life from them.

This online community has been a true blessing in my life. I read what you write, I feel your support, and I think about you and hope for the best for you.

How do you define community? Why is it important to be a part of communities?