Snow and expectations

“Whatever it is you're seeking won't come in the form you're expecting.”

― Haruki Murakami

I made a private vow that I was going to place less value on expectations. But, like a lot of things we decide to do, it’s harder than it seems at first.

We got our first real snow of the winter on Tuesday. I expected we would get at least a couple of inches.

We didn’t get enough to cover the grass completely.

I was disappointed. But the snow that did fall was pretty. And I still took some photos. The pictures aren’t good—I didn’t get much chance to be outdoors until after dark—but I still enjoyed it.

Snow outside the office in the late afternoon Tuesday.

Snow in our front yard in the evening.

A little snow on the bench by our side door.

The HVAC people came on Monday to work on the heat pump. I expected that they would complete the work that day.

They didn’t. They asked if they could go finish a more pressing job (and it was) and come back Wednesday.

I thought I couldn’t relax until the work was done and everything was back in place. But I can.

I’ve got deadlines and big stories to cover at the office. I expected to be able to relax a bit after gritting my teeth and getting through it. I had my schedule all planned.

Then I was reminded of another story responsibility on the very day I had set aside (in my mind) for relief.

I’ve got time every day to relax and do things I enjoy. I’ve got time every day to do the things I need to do. I’m grateful for that. I don’t need to wait for a far off day, after everything is “done,” to enjoy life.

Expectations don’t have to drive my life. Though I expect I’ll have to learn that lesson many more times.

How about you? Have you had your expectations dashed lately? 

Expectations

I’ve been thinking for months about an interview with actor Michael J. Fox that I read in the April/May issue of AARP Magazine. I also found the interview online here.

Fox has Parkinson’s disease, and he addressed its effect on his life in the following passage:

“'There's an idea I came across a few years ago that I love,' he says. 'My happiness grows in direct proportion [to] my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations. . . . That's the key for me. If I can accept the truth of “This is what I'm facing — not what can I expect but what I am experiencing now” — then I have all this freedom to do other things.'”

I’ve been pondering this passage from the interview for months. I wanted to understand it. I intuitively felt that it could be an important concept for me to grasp.

I copied and pasted it in a Word document and kept going back to it.

I didn’t understand how expectations could be hurtful. Shouldn’t we expect certain things to be a certain way? Aren’t we supposed to have expectations of others?

I finally had a realization about this one evening at home.

I was sitting at my computer, playing solitaire, feeling sad.

I had opened up my Word document earlier in the evening and read the Fox quote again.

But then I started thinking about how a person had disappointed me.

The details don’t matter. The fact is that I had expected this person to do something a certain way, and when she didn’t, I didn’t like it.

I felt terrible. I wondered what was wrong with me to cause this person to act a certain way. I wondered why things never seemed to turn out the way I wanted them to. I knew I was indulging in distorted thinking, but I just kept on and on down the negative trail.

Then the pieces came together. I realized that if I accepted the actions of this person—without judging her or myself—I felt a lot better. I could just let go of the incident.

I accepted her actions. I didn’t try to explain it to myself. I didn’t need to think about it anymore.

I just accepted it. And I couldn’t believe how better I felt. I actually felt lighter.

I create expectations based on all sorts of things, mostly on what I want. And usually the expectations are about things I cannot control.

Getting upset over things I can’t control just doesn’t make sense anymore.

Acceptance of what I can’t control, letting go of expectations—I felt it in action sitting there playing solitaire.

Now I just have to keep on accepting.

I’m still pondering this and thinking about Fox’s statement. What do you think about what he said about expectations and acceptance?