Choices: A good thing

This is a view of the main road through Rustburg in December 2013, before the start of the Christmas Parade.

How quickly things can change! I told you on Monday that I had accepted a job with the town of Altavista. Things changed later that day.

I received a phone call about the job I had applied for and interviewed for with Campbell County. I was offered the job, and I accepted without hesitation. I will begin the job as public information specialist on May 1. I will be working in the county seat, Rustburg, which is about 20-25 minutes from my house.

Though I was glad to have gotten the job with the town, I had been having some “gut” feelings that I may not be going in the right direction.

I was afraid that I would receive an offer from the county. To me, it would just complicate things because I would have to make a choice.

Now I realize that having the choice was a good thing.

I realized that I would regret turning down the county job. And the job description? Well, it’s like it was written with someone like me in mind. It includes a lot of my favorite things to do: writing, designing brochures, updating websites, helping others with content management, providing information to the public about county issues, etc.

And I know many of the people I will be working with because I’ve covered county government for the newspaper for five and a half years. They’re good people that I have a lot of respect for.

I knew when I said yes to the job that it was the right decision. Even though I don’t start the job for another month, I am looking forward to it!

It is a full time job. But I won’t be writing nearly as much as I do now on the job, and I am determined to carve out time for my own writing. Lots of writers have to do that.

I have not applied for any other jobs. I am satisfied with what I’ve done and am looking forward to the future. My last day with the newspaper will now be April 17. I am taking a couple of weeks off to decompress.

Thank you all for your support through this very anxious time of looking for another job and another challenge. You have helped me get through this.

Now I really do feel like I can let go of the anxiety and just be for a while.

Finally

A photo of Broad Street in Altavista. I think I took this on a Sunday a couple of years ago. I was standing at the library looking down the street. English Park is in the distance, as is the Staunton River. To get to Town Hall, where I'll be working, you would turn left at that first traffic light in the photo.

I can finally share some news with you.

On Jan. 6, I applied for a job with the town of Altavista. It’s a part-time position as an economic development assistant that includes coordinating the Main Street Program.

Last Wednesday, I finally got a formal offer.

I will coordinate a nonprofit group that carries out the concepts of the VirginiaMain Street Program. I will also assist the town’s economic developer in meeting the needs of existing businesses and helping to bring new businesses in. The economic developer wants me to work specifically with younger, creative entrepreneurs.

I’m excited and nervous. I am looking forward to a new challenge, learning new things, getting training, and being in a position to serve and encourage others.

I will work fewer hours and far more regular hours than my current job with the paper, but I will make significantly more in salary.

So why am I nervous? Change is unsettling to all of us, and it tends to raise my anxiety level. I also have the new-job-worries: Will I be able to learn? Will I do a good job?

I’ve always managed in the past, and when I remember that, I have more confidence in my ability to do another job.

Another worry has been that I’m leaving a job where I (finally) was able to write for a living.

What I found was that while my writing improved and I learned to write faster, I wasn’t always writing what I wanted to—that just wasn’t my job. And writing all day/all week took a certain kind of energy out of me.

I am not leaving my writing behind. I am a writer at heart. I hope to actually start writing more of what speaks to me and I’m passionate about. And the new job will afford me the opportunity to use some of my other skills.

My last day with the paper will be April 8 and my first day on the new job will be April 13. It will be a busy time at the paper, trying to finish things up and leave information behind that will help my co-workers.

I wish I could say my worrying of the last three months is over. But I complicated things by applying for another job while I was waiting to hear about the town job. I’ve had two interviews and am waiting to hear about it. So I may be faced with another decision soon.

To choose between two good job opportunities is not easy for me. In true OCD fashion, I tend to want to find the “perfect” answer, make the “right” choice. Of course, we never know at the time of making a decision whether or not it is the right choice. And there is no perfect answer.

For now, I’m going to enjoy what I do have: an upcoming new job and a new adventure.

The worst thing ever . . . sometimes isn’t

Above and below, Chase Bird enjoying the sunshine on his fur on our enclosed back porch.
Winter temps return this week.

I’ve just about lost all hope for the new job. I am supposed to hear something “in short order,” but who knows when that will be or what I’ll be told?

Anyway, that’s not what I’ll write about today. Instead, I want to write about something that happened last week: one of my worst OCD fears came true.

I go through spells when I read and reread emails or comments that I write before hitting the “send” or “post” buttons. I fear that I will write something completely inappropriate or to the wrong person. So the way to keep that from happening is to check, repeatedly, compulsively.

What would be so bad about writing the wrong thing? I could hurt someone’s feelings. I could insult someone. I could make myself look bad to someone else. I could say something untrue. In my worst-case scenarios, I could suffer horrible embarrassment that would last forever, lose my job, lose a friend, be sued, or end up in jail (I know—sounds way out there, but that’s how OCD works).

So last week I received an email in my work email account from someone whose opinions and words I included in a news article. He wanted to clarify for me something that he had talked about. He didn’t ask me to change anything or do a clarification. I should note that he also complimented the article.

I wanted my editor Mark’s opinion on this, so I forwarded the email to him, told him what I had in my notes, and asked if I should respond in any way.

Did I say I forwarded the email to Mark? Oh, no. I replied to the email that the original man sent me. With the message to Mark.

When I realized what I’d done, which was almost immediately after I hit “send,” I said, “Darn!” The word I said wasn’t really darn, but it had four letters. My co-worker Amy started laughing, saying, “Something must really be wrong if you said that, Tina.”

My other co-worker Matt and I tried to figure out a way to retrieve my email, but it basically can’t be done with the mail servers we have.

I was beside myself. I thought I would never be able to face this person again. While I hadn’t said anything critical of him in my email, it was still worded for my editor, not for the person in question. I was afraid he would call. I was afraid he would never trust me as a journalist again. He would tell everyone else not to trust me.

After stewing for a few minutes, I decided to just face it head on. I sent the person another email, apologizing for sending him one meant for Mark. I told him I was very sensitive to getting things right in my articles and would discuss it with Mark when he got back to the office Monday.

Fairly quickly, I heard back from this person. And it was not a big deal to him. He further complimented me on being fair and accurate in my portrayal of his viewpoints.

I’m still embarrassed about what I did. I still wish I hadn’t done it. I will probably be extra vigilant for a while before I hit that “send” button, though for all my checking, I still made a mistake. That is a lesson to not let the checking get into the compulsive range.

But the worst that I had imagined didn’t happen. And I have the feeling that if the worst did happen, I would handle it. After all, why would I suddenly stop being able to handle life? I’m far from perfect, but I do successfully handle most things eventually.

Just remember: sometimes what we imagine will be the worst thing ever really isn’t.

Have you ever hit “send” too quickly?

A passion for animals

This is Chase Bird sitting on my lap while we watched the Virginia/Virginia Tech basketball game Sunday. At one point, it looked like Virginia might lose. Chase Bird couldn't bear to look at the TV screen.

A journalism student at a local college recently contacted me about interviewing me for a class paper. Last year, she also talked with me for an assignment, and we ended up becoming Facebook friends.

In this latest batch of questions, she noted that she could tell from my Facebook page that I was passionate about animals.

That’s a fair assessment. A lot of my Facebook feed is made up of pictures of animals that need homes or stories and quotes that reflect my love of animals.

Which brings me to a project that I’ve taken on this year. When I was thinking about what writing goals I wanted to set for this year, I mulled over what I enjoy writing about. And one of favorite subjects to read about, learn about, and write about is animals.

I decided to deepen my knowledge about animal welfare and animal rights issues and also write about my changing relationship with animals.

I grew up on a beef farm. Pets were kept outside. My life is so different now. The way I view animals is so different. I’d like to explore those changes. And I’d like to do more for animals.

I know I haven’t given you many details in this post, but I remembered that I haven’t really talked about my writing goals lately.

I’m continuing my writing about mental health issues, of course. I have many interests. But 2015 will be a year when I focus more on animals than I have in the past. And I hope to share some of that with you.

I am still waiting to hear about the job. I hope to hear something by the end of this week. Fingers and toes crossed!

What is your favorite animal?

Down and Back: Adapting to Change

The leaves are starting to pile up in the yard.

Down and back. Shoulders down and back.

That has been almost a mantra for me over the past few weeks. Ever since I started physical therapy on Oct. 3, therapists have reminded me many times to make sure my shoulders are down—not up around my ears—and back—not slumped forward.

Because I do tend to slump. My posture is horrible. Years of hunching over first paper and pen, then typewriters, then a word processor, then computers have instilled in me a slumped over posture.

Even now, as I write this, I have to remind myself over and over to sit up straight.

One of my therapists, Kyle, explained that when I lift up my right shoulder, whether it’s to pick up something, reach for something, or indulging in bad posture, I’m “grinding” those nerves that are irritated.

“When you feel pain, check to see what position your shoulder is in,” he told me once.

He recommended finding a cue to remind myself to keep the shoulders down and back. So far, I realize pretty quickly when I’m slumping forward or holding my shoulders up around my ears. But I would like to think of an actual cue.

Physical therapy has been a positive experience for me. I still have pain, but I am feeling stronger. And Kyle, plus Darius and Katie, are teaching me ways to adapt so I’m not putting pressure on nerves.

For example, during last Thursday’s session, I was having a lot of pain when I lifted up both arms to do an exercise with a stretch band. That pain had gotten better, but it seemed to have flared up again.

I can easily tell now what muscle soreness from exercise is and what the original nerve pain is.

Katie and Kyle were ready to find another way for me to strengthen the muscles without pain. It involved lying face down on a table and lifting my arm from that position. Gravity wasn’t pulling on my shoulder, so no pain.

I’ve been working on making adjustments in other areas of my life, too. When the pain was at its worst, it was very hard to use the computer—to move the mouse around, to hold my arms up to type.

Not using a computer was not an option for me. I write and edit for a living. I write and edit because I love doing those things.

The written word is like my breath.

So I am adapting. At home, I placed a firm pillow in my desk chair to lift myself up so I didn’t have to do any lifting of the shoulder to work.

I’m still working on my desk environment at the newspaper office. I originally had the mouse and its pad almost an arm’s length away from me so I could use the space right in front of me to place notebooks, reports, etc. Reaching for the mouse and moving it hurt. I found that moving the mouse pad closer to me helped a great deal.

In my daily life, I’ve learned that it’s OK to place my drinking glass on the left side of my plate so I can lift it with my left hand. I’ve learned that I can throw things pretty well with my left hand when I’m playing with Chase Bird. (He likes to smack rolled up pieces of paper or little play mice. It’s like playing volleyball with him.)

Chase Bird enjoying the sunshine on the enclosed porch.

A doctor told me years ago that I would have to adapt my life to having depression. I learned what helps me with the depression, and with OCD, and what doesn’t.

I’m learning that it works with my physical health, too. I can find ways to do the things I want to do. I just have to adapt.

And keep my shoulders down and back.

Have you ever had to adapt the way you did an activity? What would be a good cue to remind me to place my shoulders in a better position? I appreciate your input!

Writer’s block and feeling stuck

I’m back. I took an unplanned break from blogging last week after Monday’s post.

I’ve had writer’s block lately. I have vague notions of what I’d like to write about, but no concrete ideas that lead to actual words on the computer screen.

And I’ve been feeling stuck in general.

I don’t know for sure what is driving this feeling of inertia. Larry is doing fine. Chase Bird is doing fine. The newspaper work is going fine. I’ve gotten some very positive feedback on it recently. I’ve been reading some good books. I’ve been knitting.

But I can’t find anything to focus on, to get excited about. I don’t have the energy or the motivation to set goals, to make plans. I’m just stuck.

As familiar as I am with depression, I don’t always recognize its different manifestations. I don’t know if I’m just going through a tough time or if the depression is getting worse as it sometimes does.

I’m sleeping a lot. I’m eating more than I should. I’m not moving as much as I should.

But I’m not totally in the dumps. I’m not completely hopeless. I’m not having panic attacks.

There are steps I can take to try to lift myself out of this. I can get on a regular schedule. I can exercise. I can eat better. I can meditate. I can do things I enjoy. I can listen to music. I can act even if I don’t feel like it.

I will try to get serious about those things this week.

Even if I am depressed, I am enjoying my new hobby of knitting. I started a scarf project on Friday night. I used my original purple project to practice the knit and purl stitches and to learn to cast off. But I wanted to start on a “clean” piece of work with different yarn.

Chase Bird is supervising. I love the expression on his little face. He clearly disapproves of my having control of the yarn.

I’ve made some progress over the weekend. Reading took up most of my time over the past couple of days, though.

The ride along and thoughts on anxiety

Two weeks ago, on a Friday night into Saturday morning, I went on a ride along with a sheriff’s deputy.

One of my beats for the newspaper is the sheriff’s office. I have been covering the office for nearly five years, but I had never done what many reporters have done through the years—go out on patrol with a deputy.

I was excited about learning more about what happens behind the scene. I was a little nervous, too.

I had to sign a waiver form before the ride. I thought the form said I couldn’t get out of the car.

So I was pleased when we made our first call and the deputy asked me, “You coming with me?” She said in her experience, people riding along usually came along for the whole experience.

I knew before I ever went on the ride along that I probably don’t have the temperament to be in law enforcement. (Not that I ever seriously contemplated it. But I have always been interested in what the police and detectives do in their jobs.)

It seems to me that you have to be able to deal with a lot of uncertainty on the job. You never know what a call is really going to involve until you arrive on the scene. You never know when a shot of adrenaline is going to strike to get you through a situation.

So before the ride, I hoped I wouldn’t panic or get in the way if anything happened during the night.

And I didn’t panic. I didn’t feel especially anxious or worried. I enjoyed talking with the deputy and observing what happened.

One time I felt a shot of fear, but I remained quiet. The only change I noticed in myself was that I became more alert.

I still don’t think I was made for law enforcement. The constant state of readiness would wear me down, I think.

However, I did learn a bit more about my anxiety.

It was interesting to me that though I have a lot of anxiety, most of it centers on my thoughts and my perceptions, not on things that are actually happening in the present moment. It’s a different anxiety from what I feel in real-life situations that might be turn out to be the least bit dicey.

That realization made me more aware that the anxiety I feel on a daily basis can be helped by remembering that my thoughts are just thoughts. They don’t necessarily reflect reality.

If you’d like to read my story about the ride along and see photos, you can go HERE.

Is there a type of work that you’d like to explore more, even though you know it’s probably not work you’d ever do?

Getting through the workday

This was my desk at the end of the workday Tuesday night.

Tuesday is layout day at the newspaper.

Here’s the basic process:

In the morning, the editor, the other staff writer and I may do a variety of things, including writing stories, checking on stories, making phone calls, etc. Late morning, we have a meeting with the advertising manager and decide how many pages we’ll have in the paper and, generally, what stories will go where.

The big decisions are about what goes on page one and the “second” page one, page three. Sounds confusing, but basically page three has the second-tier stories on it. If you think about opening up a newspaper, your eyes probably go to page three before they hit page two.

Then the other staff writer and I start laying out the pages. The news editor at a sister paper helps with layout, too, and the ad manager lays out the classifieds.

As we finish pages, we print out “proofs,” and the editor and proofreader start reading and marking things that need correction/adding/deleting/changing. If needed, I also read and edit.

Later, when we’ve finished laying out, the other staff writer and I make corrections, turn the pages into PDF files and print them out. The three of us editorial staff proof the pages again.

Then we send the pages to press via the Internet. The actual pressroom is an hour or more from Altavista.

This past Tuesday, we finished up at about 6 p.m. (Sometimes we’re much later if we have something to cover in the evening and then write about it.) I had to stay after to get a head start on updating the newspaper website because I need to be out of the office for part of the day Wednesday to cover a couple of trials.

I do a lot of these activities every Tuesday without even thinking about them. And sometimes—OK, often—I get stressed out. I become tense and anxious before I fully realize what has happened.

I’m trying to be more mindful these days. I did a little experiment Tuesday. I worked through the normal lunchtime wrestling with the layout. At about 3:30, I reached a stopping point and hurried out to grab something to eat. I chose something quick: McDonald’s.

Yes, my eating habits tend to spiral down on Tuesdays.

While I was waiting in the drive-thru line, which really seemed to be taking too long to get through—I realized I was getting uptight and too stressed. So I turned on the radio and put it on WVTF, the public radio station in my area, and listened to classical music.

“Maybe this will calm me down,” I thought.

And it did, a bit. It certainly made my wait a little more pleasant.

Later, back at the office, Larry came by for a few minutes. He was there to pick up something from me, but it was nice just to see his face and laugh a bit with him.

And we got the paper done. We always do.

I’m learning more and more that it’s the little things during the day that can help calm the anxiety and remind me that I don’t want to hurry through the day too fast. It’s the only day I have, after all.

Now I need to work on staying away from the fast food.

What little things do you do to get through the day as easily as possible?

**And a note about Friday. I was going to post last Friday about a special assignment I had for the paper that kept me out until the early morning hours. But the story got delayed a week. So I’ll tell you about it this Friday.

7 ways to cope in times of overwhelming anxiety

If you’ve read my blog posts this week, you know that it has been a very anxious time of late.

But even during the bad times, we can still learn or be reminded of what we’ve learned in the past.

I decided right away that I was not going to get down. And I took some steps in self-care that I believe helped me navigate new territory.

Before I go into those, though, I want to thank you for your kind words, your understanding, your caring, and your presence. Thank you so much, dear readers, for supporting me during a bad time, for reminding me that I am not alone.

And I can’t say enough about my husband. His quiet presence and his open heart are treasures for which I can never be grateful enough.

Here are some of the ways I’ve coped:

Fun reading

I’ve divided reading into two categories. The first one I call fun reading. It’s reading that you don’t “need” to do. It’s not meant for self-improvement. It’s for entertainment, enjoyment. It’s for fun.

During times when I didn’t want to think about any real-life problems, it was a pleasure to turn to reading mysteries. I read Storm Prey, by John Sandford (one of my favorites).

Now I’m reading a book called The Faithful Spy, by new-to-me author Alex Berenson. It’s wonderful. And I’ve found a new author to follow.

Helpful reading

This kind of reading is for self-improvement, though, of course, enjoyment is also part of the experience.

I got out my copy of Mindfulness for Beginners, by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I previously studied part of the book, but never finished. I started over and have gained a lot of insight into the ways our minds work and the relationship between our thoughts and reality.

Mindfulness meditation

I turn to mindfulness meditation when I try to focus my thoughts. I increased my practice in order to deal with the swirl of thoughts and feelings that were negatively affecting my moods and quality of life.

Right now I am using the CD that came with the book by Kabat-Zinn I wrote of above. It’s helpful for me right now to have a voice leading me into the meditation.

Writing

Writing is so natural for me, something I turn to in just about every situation. I wrote down some of the thoughts I had that scared me, that made me feel especially sad and guilty. A lot of what I wrote will probably never see the light of day. But just getting the words down gave them a safe place to rest, out of my constant thoughts.

Music

I’ve had a difficult time falling asleep lately. I’ve found that listening to certain music helps quiet my mind.

For times when I’m trying to relax, it’s better for me to listen to instrumental music with no words.

My favorites are Lifescapes’ “Meditations: Native American Flute” and Yoga Journal’s “Pure Relaxation.”

Visualization

I started doing this almost by accident and found that it helped me relax.

While listening to one song on “Pure Relaxation,” I started visualizing being on a boat in the ocean, right at sunset. It was almost like I was watching a movie that I was adding details to. I imagined Larry and me on the boat, the wind blowing our hair. I could see the lights on shore. The stars were starting to come out. It was a beautiful time.

With the next song, I imagined being in a cabin at night with Larry and Chase Bird. Snow was falling. We sat in chairs by the fire, reading. Then we turned off the lights so we could see the snow falling outside. Chase Bird sat on my lap for a while, then on Larry’s. We were quiet and at peace.

Now when I hear those songs, I am immediately in those places, either on the boat or in the cabin. I have found myself smiling in the dark as I visualize.

Playing with my cat

You knew I would mention Chase Bird, didn’t you? Playing with him takes me out of myself. I laugh at his antics and stay busy chasing the toy that he bats back with amazing strength and agility.

Chase Bird guarding the treat bags that he knocked off the table.

What ways do you cope with overwhelming anxiety? Please share.

Look at what you’ve got

A memoir in the making.

I haven’t been doing a lot of my “own” writing lately. Most of the writing I’ve done is for the newspaper.

But the pull has been there once again to work on my memoir.

I knew I had various documents in my computer files, scattered here and there between two big folders. But I had the sense that I really hadn’t done that much work on it. And where to begin?

So I looked at what I’ve got.

I went through the files and printed out things I’ve written, mostly over the past two years. I was amazed at what I found. I didn’t remember doing so much writing.

I had about 30 files with over 32,000 words written. If you look at it in terms of pages, with the standard page holding 250 words, that’s 131 pages.

It’s a draft, mind you, so I’m nowhere near finished. But it’s a good start. And it gave me a great sense of satisfaction.

Sometimes we get stuck in our thinking.

We think we’ve not accomplished enough. We think we’ve failed because we haven’t done enough. We think we’ll never start a project, much less finish it.

This can be especially true if we’re struggling with anxiety, depression, OCD, or another issue that sometimes distorts our thinking and makes us afraid.

It may help to sometimes take the time to look at what we’ve got, what we’ve done, what we’ve created, what we’ve accomplished, and feel good about it.

Pull out the creations, print out the words or photos, make a list of our accomplishments, talk with a good friend who knows what we do. Enjoy the feeling of accomplishment.

Then get back to work, of course.

Please share in the comments something that you have accomplished recently, no matter how small it may seem to you. 

Random memories and thoughts

See the two red spots? Those are cardinals. That is about the best I can do with bird photos.

I was sad to learn of the passing of Maya Angelou on Wednesday. I admired her a great deal.

In thinking about her, I got out my copy of her poem, “On the Pulse of Morning,” which she wrote for and read at Bill Clinton’s first inauguration in January 1993.

I was teaching English at the time. I videotaped her reading and used it in class to aid in discussing the poem with my students.

Here’s a lovely part of that poem:

"Here, root yourselves beside me.

I am that Tree planted by the River,

Which will not be moved.

I, the Rock, I, the River, I, the Tree

I am yours--your passages have been paid.

Lift up your faces, you have a piercing need

For this bright morning dawning for you.

History, despite its wrenching pain,

Cannot be unlived, but if faced

With courage, need not be lived again."

From "On the Pulse of Morning," by Maya Angelou

***

It has been rainy and stormy off and on this week. I hope Larry and I will be able to be out and about a bit today.

I also need to check in more with my garden and see if there’s anything ready to eat!

***

I love my times of sitting quietly, listening to my breath and to the sounds around me. Sometimes I get uncomfortable—physically uncomfortable, bored, distracted. But in the end, I feel better after even a 10-minute meditation. It helps with intrusive thoughts and makes me feel less anxious.

***

I started updating my blog information since I’m gaining a year today (I am turning 51 today). I decided to leave my age off the About Me section. I’m not ashamed of it, but I don’t think that’s the first thing people are interested in knowing.

I found that I needed to update other pages, too, including the page about my cats. It hurt to have to change it to reflect that Larry and I don’t have two cats anymore. The last time I updated that page, Sam was still with us. I miss her, and all my babies, so much.

***

I’ve been thinking about my life (yes, I’m a thinker). I know it is in part due to my birthday. I suppose getting older makes many of us think about the past and wonder about the future.

Some of what I’ve been pondering is what I really want to say with my writing. I love to write and, I say with gratefulness, I can write well enough, though there’s plenty of room for improvement. But what do I want to say? What do I want to say?

***

And where in the world did May go?

The value of practice: What the teacher learned from the student

Note: I also shared this on my editing website, with a few changes, HERE. I wanted to share my experience with this extraordinary student with you, dear readers. But feel free to also check out my other website if you’d like.

Years ago when I was a graduate student, I taught mostly freshmen in writing classes at a state university in Ohio.

One semester I started a class of 112 writing, the top level. It was the last hurdle for the students. Unless their majors required other writing classes, that was the last one they had to take.

On that first day of class, after I had dismissed the students, a young woman stayed after to talk with me. Vickie told me she had taken 112 before but was choosing to take it again because she didn’t feel like she had learned enough or become strong enough of a writer.

Would I be willing to spend extra time with her between classes helping her with her writing?

So we began. Usually I assigned one essay a week, with classes built around both form and content. Every week, Vickie visited my office and brought me her draft essay, which I read and then discussed with her.

We talked about what her main idea really was and whether or not she was hiding it among the other ideas. We talked about different ways to organize her work. We talked about sentence structure and word choice.

I never told Vickie how to write the essay. But I gave her feedback and new ideas to consider.

She wasn’t getting special treatment from me. My door was open to all my students. But Vickie consistently took advantage of the help.

One day we were discussing some things going on in her life. She was a graphic arts major and was on the university swim team. I was never particularly artistic and definitely never athletic.

“I’ve always wanted to be an artist,” I said.

“I’ve always wanted to be a good student,” she said.

You are a good student, I told her. You work hard. You’re improving in your writing. You should be proud of yourself, I told her.

Vickie ended the class by getting a solid B. She was so pleased with herself. And I was so proud of her.

And I was so impressed with her willingness to practice to get better.

I’ve thought of Vickie often through the years, and when I was considering writing about her, I came up with these lessons she taught me about the importance of practice.

·         Make the decision to get better at something. I don’t believe you drift into a practice. You make a decision that you will begin a practice. Making a decision shows commitment. Vickie committed to taking a class she had already taken and wasn’t required to retake.

·         Put in the time. Practice takes time. Whether it is 15 minutes a day or an hour a week, working to become better takes time. Even with a busy schedule as a student-athlete, Vickie made time to work on her writing.

·         Put in the effort. Vickie had to make the effort to write a draft in time for me to review it with her before she revised it. She couldn’t blow off the assignment until right before it was due. She had to work on it, then work on it some more.

·         Don’t try to go it alone. Vickie enlisted help. That help in her writing endeavor was me. She didn’t have to struggle alone. I could offer not only technical assistance, but encouragement. We all need encouragement.

·         Persevere. I’m sure Vickie got tired of pouring so much time into writing essays that had nothing to do with her major classes. But she didn’t give up. She kept showing up in class and at my office door.

And here is what I’m sharing with you that I didn’t on my editing website.

It has been about 25 years since Vickie was my student. Some years after Vickie was my student, I read in an alumni magazine that she had passed away after a car accident.

Even though I had not seen or spoken with Vickie for about five years at that time, the news of her death hit me hard. It hurt to think that this talented, beautiful, kind young woman had lost her life so early.

So my memories of Vickie are very special to me. She taught me a lot that I want to share with others.

How important is practice to you when learning something new? Have you ever known a person who taught you lessons about the importance of practice?

Covering court

A caterpillars' nest in a tree near my house. A walk outside, noticing the details of nature, is a balm to me.

Until I started working for the newspaper almost five years ago, I had been a part of a court proceeding twice. Once when I was 16 and got a ticket for improper driving for hitting a mailbox during driver’s education training (Yes, embarrassing. No one was hurt, thank goodness). And once nearly 20 years ago when I was a victim of a crime.

One of my regular beats since I started with the paper has been covering the courts. I’ve covered all kinds of crime: murders, drug crimes, burglaries, robberies, assaults, and on and on.

One thing I’ve discovered is that if you want to see drama, a wide range of the human condition, sit in court for an afternoon and watch the cases that come up.

I’ve heard wailing, laughter, defiant words. I’ve heard pleas of innocence, apologies for horrific crimes, promises to live in such a way as to never have to appear in court again.

I’ve seen family members of victims and defendants bend at the waist, crying in sorrow. I’ve seen law enforcement officers stand around the victim’s family protectively as the convicted defendant leaves court.

I’ve waited in the courtroom after the hearing is over so I wouldn’t intrude on family members standing outside in the hall, consoling each other. I’ve taken the stairs instead of the elevator so I could have a moment alone. I’ve sat in my car outside the courthouse crying too hard to drive.

The last several weeks, I’ve been in court a lot, covering cases for the paper. The tragedies I witness are not my tragedies. I don’t have the pressures that the prosecutors and law enforcement officers have.

But my time in court takes its toll.

One way I’ve coped it to write about it. Of course, I write the stories about the court proceedings for the newspaper: man found guilty, judge sentences defendant to 25 years, mistrial declared.

And that writing is a way of coping because I’m taking what I’ve observed and learned, and I’ve told the story of what happened in the community. I’ve documented a piece of the community.

But I’ve also been writing on my own, typing out thoughts I’ve had about my experiences in court, what I’ve learned, what I struggle with.

I’ve been holding on to these thoughts and feelings for nearly five years. I’ve made little notes of observations in the backs of my reporter’s notebooks, but I’ve never sat down and written with purpose the things that weigh on my after a difficult hearing, that have kept me awake many nights.

That’s where I’ve been mentally and emotionally lately. I’ve taken few photographs. I’ve been visiting my blogger friends’ sites less. I’ve been contemplating the unanswerable questions more often.

I think the writing is helping. And I have to remind myself, with deep breaths, with thoughts of Larry and Chase Bird, that my life is not the courtroom or the cases that I cover. 

The second wave

The trees in our neighborhood are leafing out in various shades of green.

I’ve spent the last several days working on what I’m calling the “second wave” of my freelance editing business.

Previously, I did the legal things I needed to do to start the business, created a website, and did some assignments.

But I wasn’t satisfied. And I knew I had to do more marketing.

So I revamped my website and started a blog on the website. I plan to post once a week there.

The first blog post is up now: “Why another set of eyes can be so important to your writing.”

I’ve still got lots to do to get the word out about my services. But I’m enjoying the process. It’s both frightening and fun to be the one who makes the business decisions. I have the satisfaction of knowing that something I once feared so much is now a reality.

We really can overcome fear.

If you’d like to check out my website, you can go HERE and click on "Blog."

I liked how the sun caught the tops of the trees.

I didn’t get outside as much as I would have liked over the weekend, but I did get some photos on a walk Sunday morning. I’ve shared some of those photos in this post.

I don't know the proper name for them, but the oak trees are full of these pollen pods.

Larry blew them off the driveway Friday, but they were back on Sunday.

Our cars are covered with tree pollen. Just a sign of spring.

This week will be very busy at my newspaper job, but I’m hoping to make time every day to get outside and record some of this spring beauty. I already missed getting photos of the red bud—I don’t want to miss anything else.

What have you done lately to overcome a fear—no matter how small it seemed?

An upcoming adventure and other randoms

I’m once again joining Random 5 Friday with Nancy of A Rural Journal. Check out her website for more bloggers joining in with their own randoms.

I didn't have any basketball photos to share. So I'm sharing a photo of my messy work desk on a layout day. The proof sheets are on my desk. The InDesign program with a newspaper page is pulled up on my computer.

One

Last week, my editor called me into his office.

“What’s your word for this year?” he asked.

“Adventure,” I said.

“Well, I have an adventure for you,” he said, and laughed.

“Oh, you’re going to give me a horrible assignment, aren’t you?”

“Oh, no, no. It’s going to be fun,” he said.

He asked me to cover the state basketball finals.

Two

Why is this assignment significant? I’m not a sportswriter. I’ve never covered a basketball game. I’ve never written about a basketball game.

But my editor has to be out of town this weekend, and both the Altavista boys and girls teams were playing in the state semifinals last Friday in Salem.

If either or both teams won, I would have to go to Richmond on March 15 to cover the game or games, along with the other staff writer, who would take photographs.

The girls lost, but the boys won last Friday.

Three

So I’ll be on the road to Richmond tomorrow to the Siegel Center on the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University.

I’ll sit in the press row with the other reporters and follow the game, then interview coaches and players afterwards.

I’ll write a short overview for the website, and then on Monday, I’ll write the full story for next week’s paper.

My co-worker, who will be doing the photography, is an old hand at covering such events, so he’ll be a big help.

I understand the game—I love the game! And I’m going to do my best to write a great story.

Four

The Altavista Colonels will play the Radford Bobcats.

Altavista won the state title last year in the Group 1A division. Radford won the state title last year in the Group 2A division.

After last year’s games, schools were reclassified, and Radford got moved to the Group 1A based on size of school.

So in a twist, the game will feature two defending state champs.

Five

I’m nervous, but I’m also looking forward to the experience. It will be an adventure—doing something I’ve never done, watching the game and trying to capture it in words, being a part of all the excitement.

I’ll have to maintain my professional distance while I’m covering the game. So let me give a shout out now: Go, Colonels!

What adventure do you have planned for this weekend!