Changes

   Thank you for listening to me while I work through changes.

Chase Bird

“All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful,

The Lord God made them all.”

--Cecil Frances Alexander

When Larry and I got married almost 10 years ago, we formed a blended family. But not in the way the term “blended family” usually refers to.

Larry has a daughter, but she was already married and had two children when I married Larry. I didn’t have any children.

We blended our cats.

Larry had Thunder Cat and Sam. I had Waddles. Waddles and I moved into the house Larry already had in Altavista, and we became the happy family we had dreamed about.

Or not.

The cats didn’t get along. We should have known it wouldn’t be easy.

We really didn’t know what we were doing. We immediately introduced Waddles to Thunder and Sam—face to face in the same room. A lot hissing and growling ensued, as you can imagine.

We learned. Usually you have to gradually introduce cats to each other. It can take days—weeks—months before they will spend peaceful time together in the same room. Sometimes it never quite happens.

But eventually, it did happen with Waddles and her two new siblings. They could, for the most part, remain at peace with each other.

One of the happiest times I remember is when all five of us—Larry, me and the three cats—were together in the den, sitting around, hanging out, calm.

Sam was the last of our “original” cats. When she died last week, the group of cats that we started out with, which we formed our family with, was gone.

“O heavenly Father, protect and bless all things that have breath: guard them from all evil and let them sleep in peace.”

--Albert Schweitzer

In 2007, we added Chase Bird to the family. He was a stray that started living under one of the bushes in our front yard, and eventually we took him in and adopted him.

The other cats didn’t like him. He and Thunder Cat had a growling row one time. So we kept Chase in his own room. Larry put up a gate so that he could see what was going on, but we couldn’t let him out with the other cats.

We worked on introducing Chase to them. But as time went on, it seemed less workable because first Thunder Cat, then Waddles, got very sick and fragile.

Chase and Sam had more interaction, usually through the gate. But we were very careful about unsupervised meetings. Usually, if Chase was running around the house, it was because Sam was in a part of the house he couldn’t get to.

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.”

--Anatole France

Now Chase Bird is the only cat we have. He has full run of the house. It has been an adjustment for all of us. We’ve had to get used to a cat that is young enough to jump up on kitchen counters and dresser tops and bathroom sinks. He is getting used to a freedom that he hasn’t known.

He is a blessing and a comfort. We are fortunate to have him.

But so many changes. 

Leaf on leaf: Tuesday muse

"Leaf on leaf"

“Every blade in the field - Every leaf in the forest - lays down its life in its season as beautifully as it was taken up.”

― Henry David Thoreau

I’m joining Tuesday Muse with Nancy of A Rural Journal.

OCD Awareness Week 2013

Thank you, dear readers, for the sympathy and support you showed me this week after losing Sam.

I appreciated each message and each kindness. You reminded me that while most of us don’t know each other “in person,” we forge connections in this bloggy world that are important and strong.

It was a very difficult week for Larry and me. We are still in a daze. It all seems to have happened so fast.

Soon I will write more about what has been going on.

But right now it is easier to write about something different.

The week of Oct. 14-20 is International OCD Awareness Week, promoted by the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF).

I want to use this opportunity to bring awareness to an often-misunderstood disorder.

According to the website of the IOCDF, one in 100 adults and up to one in 200 children in the U.S. likely have OCD, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. The website goes on to say, “OCD can be a debilitating disorder, but there is treatment that can help. Unfortunately,it can take up to 14–17 years from the first onset of symptoms for people to get access to effective treatment, due to obstacles such as stigma and a lack of awareness about mental health, and OCD in particular.”

One of the IOCDF's social media signs.

I first exhibited symptoms of OCD when I was a young child, perhaps 7 or 8 years old. I was not diagnosed until I was 26 years old.

I counted compulsively, tried to pray constantly, asked forgiveness over and over, confessed to thoughts I might have had, washed my hands until my hands and wrists were red and raw. I spent an inordinate amount of time checking for things that might be dangerous to others. I read and reread schoolwork over and over.

I hid my symptoms the best I could. My parents thought I was being disobedient and contrary, wasting water, wasting time, not doing my schoolwork like I was supposed to, asking seemingly silly questions over and over.

Treatment, including medication, therapy and self-help have brought me a long way from the hellish days when OCD was a constant, strong force in my life.

There also seems to be more awareness about OCD among the general public.

But some that of that awareness oversimplifies this very serious disorder. OCD is not about being super-organized or neat.

This misunderstanding helped to guide the IOCDF in creating social media posters for this year’s awareness week: “Popular culture is fond of using the phrase "I'm sooo OCD" to mean someone who is a perfectionist or a neatnik. But rarely do people understand what it really means to have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.”

I have written about the different manifestations of OCD that I’ve experienced. Below are links to some of those posts is you’d like to learn more about the way the disorder has affected me.

Counting

Washing

Praying

Checking

Hit-and-run OCD

Reading OCD

OCD about religion

I hope you will also check out the website of the IOCDF for more information.

Besides me, have you ever known anyone with OCD?

Sam

Samantha Adair "Sam" Barbour

Our Sam died this morning.

I thought she was getting better. But her health deteriorated quickly Monday.

On this blog, I share much of what is important in my life, and you know that our cats are very important to Larry and me.

So many of you expressed concern about Sam as she went through her health issues over the last two weeks, and I want you to know that I have appreciated it.

I can’t write anymore now. I will be back as soon as I can.

Awareness: I have mental illnesses. I have a good life.

I had a good weekend. I spent time with Larry and my kitties. I read one great book and started another. I did some chores around the house. I took some photos. I did some organizing and planning on paper. I napped. I relaxed.

Yes, a good weekend.

I’m grateful for good times like this, for each new day that brings opportunities to be productive and enjoy those I love.

And I’m grateful that I can still enjoy the things in life that so many of you enjoy despite having mental illnesses.

This week (October 6-12) is Mental Illness Awareness Week, promoted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).

I want to take this opportunity to speak out in support of others dealing with mental illness, whether they have a condition themselves or have family or friends with mental illness.

According to the NAMI website, every year about one in four American adults has a mental illness.

On its website, NAMI defines a mental illness as “a medical condition that disrupts a person's thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning. Just as diabetes is a disorder of the pancreas, mental illnesses are medical conditions that often result in a diminished capacity for coping with the ordinary demands of life.”

But it’s not the end of the world if you have a mental illness.

I recognize that there is a lot of stigma about mental illness. When I’ve told people that I have a mental illness, I haven’t always been met with understanding. I can sometimes see the unease in other people’s reactions. We as a society are not comfortable talking about mental illness.

I have depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder, commonly known as OCD. My psychiatrist has also diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

I used to think all those diagnoses made me a mess.

But I’m not a mess. I’m a woman who struggles sometimes—if you’ve been reading my blog, you know that.

But I also live a good life. I have a husband I adore; I have pets; I have a job I enjoy; I take opportunities to write, something I consider to be part of my purpose; I take photographs; I have good weekends and good weekdays.

Treatment has allowed me to bloom in many ways.

Just as I have been helped by treatment for mental illness, so can anyone with one of these disorders. Everyone responds differently, but I firmly believe that anyone can improve with the right treatment.

It’s not always easy. I have had to make adjustments in my life to allow for the anxiety and depression that sometimes interfere with my daily activities. I have to be mindful to take my medication, see my doctor, and do the other things I do for my mental health.

But life isn’t always easy for you either, is it? We all have obstacles, burdens, troubles. Some of mine happen to include mental illness.

I encourage you to learn more about mental illness by visiting the NAMI website. And remember to be thankful for the good days.

Have you ever witnessed stigma associated with mental illness?

Collections and randoms for Random 5 Friday

I’m joining in with Nancy of A Rural Journal for her Random 5 Friday meme, where, as she says, “you can share 5 random facts about you, your day, your pets, your kids, whatever!”

One

I’ve always liked jewelry, and through the years I’ve collected quite a bit of—surprise!—cat and other animal-themed jewelry.

Here are some photos of some my cat and paw jewelry. Just about every day, I wear a piece of jewelry showcasing my love of animals, cats in particular.

Two

I also collect bookmarks. Yes, I am a bookworm, and I love all things book.

I keep the bookmarks stored in a basket on one of our bookcases. I enjoy using different ones, depending on the book I’m reading and my mood.

Do you collect anything?

Three

I probably wouldn’t be any good at collecting something that I had to protect in the original box or behind a locked door. I like to use what I collect.

Four

The company that owns the newspaper I work for held its annual editorial conference this week in Danville, a city about 45 minutes south of Altavista. Editors and reporters from about 15 papers gathered for a day of presentations and discussions.

It was fun to have the opportunity to talk with others in the same profession and exchange ideas.

Five

Sam showed more improvement Thursday than she has all week. She walked around more and interacted with us like normal. Talk about happy—that’s what Larry and I were!

On the road

Sam in 2011.

Sam seems to be on the road to recovery. She is still not as active as she was, but she is improving every day. She is not totally healed, but she is so much better than she was.

She has been through a lot: constipation, arthritis and body pain, infection. Our vet used the words “life threatening” on Saturday.

We were reminded that Sam is 17 years old this month, and that any illness in a kitty that old can be serious.

Our plucky girl didn’t give up. She bravely withstood repeated vet visits, needles, x-rays. She put up with the worried attention Larry and I gave her. Poor baby probably needs a vacation from us.

And Larry and I didn’t give up on her. We shed tears and paced the floor. We lost sleep and had a lot of worried conversations. We held on to hope that Sam would come back to us.

And we are grateful that she is on that road back.

I appreciate your comments and messages of concern you sent.

I haven’t missed writing a post, but I feel like I’ve been away for a long time because I haven’t been keeping up with YOU. I have missed you and hope to get back to the routine I enjoy so much—reading your blogs and catching a bit of what you’re doing in life.

I’ve not been following my regular routine lately because of all that has been going on. My emotions have been all over the place. I hope I’m on the road back, too.

Let’s start with the comments section: what’s one thing YOU have been up to lately?